happiness, and so do I?” he asked.
She faced him, and this time, she gave in to the temptation to cross her arms and ward him off. “I have a life. Right now it revolves around making the world a safer place for children.”
“Your life used to be about children. Now you even keep your students at arm’s length.”
She heard the unspoken corollary. Now you keep me at arm’s length, too.
“I do what I have to so I can keep going,” she said.
He nodded, as if she had confirmed what he already knew. “You don’t see another way, do you?”
“What way would that be?”
“You were right when you said we can barely carry on a conversation, but I don’t think you were right about why. It’s not Kayley’s death. It’s because our lives are so separate now that we’re not sure what to say to each other anymore.” He held his hands out to her, but she didn’t take them.
“Is that going to make what you have to say easier?” she asked. “Holding my hands?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why did you want me to take this walk? You said you had something to say. Have you said it? Or have you been saving it?”
He dropped his hands. “I’ve said part of it.”
“You have a long drive back.”
He was silent for a moment; then he shrugged. “All right. Here’s the rest. I don’t think we can continue this way.”
The words hung between them long enough for her to think that as much as she had expected this, the reality still made her feel faint.
“I’m not asking for a divorce,” he said. “I don’t want a divorce—at least, I don’t think I do. But I need to know we’re doing something to repair this rift. We have to get into counseling.”
“I’ve told you I don’t—”
He held up his hand. “Yes, you have. You don’t need or want counseling. But I need you to be sure about that, Tessa. Because if our marriage isn’t worth that much effort, then I think it’s over.”
“Your way or no way?”
“No, it’s been your way for three years, and your way hasn’t worked. We’re dangerously close to a separation. This summer is a separation in more ways than one.”
She considered carefully before she asked, “Is there someone else, Mack? Or do you just want the freedom to go looking?”
He didn’t answer directly. “I want a real marriage, and if I can’t have it with you, yes, I want it with someone else. I need a home and a wife and a family. I had that. I remember what it felt like. I’m young enough to have it again.” He paused. “And so are you.”
“You don’t want a real marriage, whatever that means. We have a marriage. You want a wife who will do everything your way and be everything you want.”
He shook his head, and his expression was sad. “No, Tessa, I only want a wife who wants to be one.”
CHAPTER 7
N ancy wearily lifted her hair dryer, and the hot air blasting the side of her face wasn’t that different from the air that had wafted through her window all night. She had been living in her childhood home for two weeks now, and she still wasn’t used to the heat—or a lot of other things. But at least in that brief time she and Tessa had made noticeable progress on clearing the place out.
She juggled the hair dryer to her other hand, and the plug slipped out of the socket. Cursing under her breath, she plugged it in again.
“Mom, I’m back. But don’t worry, take your time.” Tessa’s voice sounded just outside the door, then trailed off, as if she was passing by on her way to the kitchen. When Nancy had looked out her bedroom window a little earlier, Tessa had been a mere speck in the distance, running along Fitch Crossing.
Nancy turned on the dryer again, but she really couldn’t do much with her hair in her mother’s tiny bathroom. She’d had the same problem as a girl. In those days the major hurdle had been Helen pounding on the door, shouting about the curse of vanity. Now the problem was lack of water, a paucity of electrical
She faced him, and this time, she gave in to the temptation to cross her arms and ward him off. “I have a life. Right now it revolves around making the world a safer place for children.”
“Your life used to be about children. Now you even keep your students at arm’s length.”
She heard the unspoken corollary. Now you keep me at arm’s length, too.
“I do what I have to so I can keep going,” she said.
He nodded, as if she had confirmed what he already knew. “You don’t see another way, do you?”
“What way would that be?”
“You were right when you said we can barely carry on a conversation, but I don’t think you were right about why. It’s not Kayley’s death. It’s because our lives are so separate now that we’re not sure what to say to each other anymore.” He held his hands out to her, but she didn’t take them.
“Is that going to make what you have to say easier?” she asked. “Holding my hands?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why did you want me to take this walk? You said you had something to say. Have you said it? Or have you been saving it?”
He dropped his hands. “I’ve said part of it.”
“You have a long drive back.”
He was silent for a moment; then he shrugged. “All right. Here’s the rest. I don’t think we can continue this way.”
The words hung between them long enough for her to think that as much as she had expected this, the reality still made her feel faint.
“I’m not asking for a divorce,” he said. “I don’t want a divorce—at least, I don’t think I do. But I need to know we’re doing something to repair this rift. We have to get into counseling.”
“I’ve told you I don’t—”
He held up his hand. “Yes, you have. You don’t need or want counseling. But I need you to be sure about that, Tessa. Because if our marriage isn’t worth that much effort, then I think it’s over.”
“Your way or no way?”
“No, it’s been your way for three years, and your way hasn’t worked. We’re dangerously close to a separation. This summer is a separation in more ways than one.”
She considered carefully before she asked, “Is there someone else, Mack? Or do you just want the freedom to go looking?”
He didn’t answer directly. “I want a real marriage, and if I can’t have it with you, yes, I want it with someone else. I need a home and a wife and a family. I had that. I remember what it felt like. I’m young enough to have it again.” He paused. “And so are you.”
“You don’t want a real marriage, whatever that means. We have a marriage. You want a wife who will do everything your way and be everything you want.”
He shook his head, and his expression was sad. “No, Tessa, I only want a wife who wants to be one.”
CHAPTER 7
N ancy wearily lifted her hair dryer, and the hot air blasting the side of her face wasn’t that different from the air that had wafted through her window all night. She had been living in her childhood home for two weeks now, and she still wasn’t used to the heat—or a lot of other things. But at least in that brief time she and Tessa had made noticeable progress on clearing the place out.
She juggled the hair dryer to her other hand, and the plug slipped out of the socket. Cursing under her breath, she plugged it in again.
“Mom, I’m back. But don’t worry, take your time.” Tessa’s voice sounded just outside the door, then trailed off, as if she was passing by on her way to the kitchen. When Nancy had looked out her bedroom window a little earlier, Tessa had been a mere speck in the distance, running along Fitch Crossing.
Nancy turned on the dryer again, but she really couldn’t do much with her hair in her mother’s tiny bathroom. She’d had the same problem as a girl. In those days the major hurdle had been Helen pounding on the door, shouting about the curse of vanity. Now the problem was lack of water, a paucity of electrical
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