Warning Order (A Spider Shepherd short story) by Stephen Leather Page A

Jimbo.
    ‘Yeah, well they said that about the Titanic,’ said Liam. ‘And my great-grandfather helped build it but that didn’t stop it sinking.’
    ‘What about icebergs?’ asked Shepherd. ‘We’re headed to the Lofoten Islands and that’s inside the Arctic Circle.’
    ‘We’re well below any ice,’ said Jimbo. ‘And these hulls are designed to be uncrushable.’
    ‘I’m pretty sure they said that about the Titanic’s hull, too,’ said Liam.
    ‘Can we talk about something else,’ said Shepherd.
    ‘Is the missus trying to talk you into becoming an officer?’ asked Jimbo. ‘Mine is. Says I should push for a commission.’ He mimicked her plaintive voice. ‘If you were an officer, you wouldn’t have to keep going to all these horrible places for weeks and months on end.’
    ‘Which is exactly why you don’t want to be an officer, right?’ said Geordie.
    ‘Right, but it doesn’t stop her trying,’ said Jimbo. ‘Her parents are well connected in the County’s hunting and shooting set and I’ve already been shanghaied into a few dinner parties.’ He gave a mock shudder at the thought. ‘She dragged me to one last week and there were a couple of retired senior officers from the Regiment there. They talked a complete load of babbling nonsense, but the other guests were so in awe of them that they hung on their every word. Total bollocks, but I didn’t say anything. But there was a certain amount of frost in the taxi going home at the end of the evening.’
    ‘Sue’s not like that,’ said Shepherd. ‘And her parents know the score. Her dad’s a bank manager and my mother-in-law’s a sweetie. They’re both Hereford born and bred so they know how important the Regiment is.  They know I’ve never wanted to be an officer. I didn’t join the SAS to shuffle paper and send other people out to do my fighting for me. But there’s no doubt she’d be happier if I was doing something else.’
    ‘Like what?’ asked Liam. ‘You love it, you know you do.’
     ‘My missus reckons I’m more married to the squadron than I am to her,’ Jimbo said. ‘I told her: “You’re right and you know what? The sex is better too”.’
    Geordie laughed. ‘You’re so naive, couldn’t you tell I was faking it?’
    ‘Bloody hell,’ Liam said in mock disgust. ‘The SAS camping it up. Is nothing bloody sacred any more?’
    ‘Clearly not,’ laughed Shepherd.
    ‘But seriously, what does she want you to do instead?’ asked Liam.  ‘Find a desk job?’
    ‘She suggested the police,’ said Shepherd.
    ‘What, have you walking the streets in a pointy hat?’ laughed Geordie. ‘Has she seen Hereford town centre on a Saturday night? You’d be safer with the Regiment in Belfast. At least we’ve got guns. What do cops have? A stick and a whistle.’
    Shepherd smiled. ‘I pretty much said that to her. I guess the way she looks at it, if I was a cop at least I’d be home every night.’ The hull creaked and he grimaced. ‘She’s got a point.’
    ‘I don’t know why anyone would want to be a cop,’ said Geordie. ‘They have to work with one hand tied behind their backs most of the time. The villains have more rights than the victims.’
    ‘They should let the Regiment loose on the bad guys,’ said Jimbo. ‘We’d cut re-offending rates at a stroke. So what did you say to her?’
    ‘Said I’d think about it. But I can’t see I’d ever leave the Regiment. Kid or no kid.’
    ‘That’s the spirit.’
    ‘But I do understand how she feels. I mean, she’s pregnant and I’m stuck in a sardine can in icy water. She’s having to do the doctor’s appointments on her own and I can’t guarantee that I’ll be there when it’s born.’
    ‘It?’ said Liam. ‘You don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl?’
    ‘The doctor said she was seventy-five per cent sure it was a boy after the last scan but she couldn’t say for sure. Sue’s got a scan coming up and I wanted to be there for that but the way