Warm and Witty Side of Attila the Hun by Jeffrey Sackett
Authors: Jeffrey Sackett
Tags: Humor
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isn't far from here."
Encouraged by the reply, the enemy ship sailed on.
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The same argument led to an interesting incident a half century later. The Athanasian point of view carried the day, but the contrary view, Arianism (the Son was inferior to the Father), still had many adherents.
Arcadius , the eldest son of the Roman Emperor Theodosius I, was declared co-ruler with his father in 383 A.D. when he was five years old. At his coronation a local elderly bishop behaved with obsequious deference to Theodosius, but treated Arcadius with disrespectful condescension. Outraged at the impertinent impudence of the bishop, Theodosius ordered him arrested and imprisoned. As the soldiers dragged the bishop from the hall, the old man cried out, âThus be it ever to any man who denies the equality of the Father and the Son!" Startled and amused, Theodosius then had the bishop released.
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Saint Patrick, as everyone knows, brought Christianity to Ireland during the 6 th century and in the process baptized many local chieftains into the Christian faith. One of these chieftains, or kings, was named Aengus , a sincere and devout man whose understanding of Christianity was, to put it politely, rudimentary.
Patrick was an old man when he baptized Aengus , and by that late time of his life he leaned heavily upon a wooden walking stick (the ancestor of the shillelagh, perhaps.) In any event, as he baptized the king, Patrick had unwittingly rested the sharp tip of the stick upon the instep of Aengus â foot. As the saint leaned upon the stick during the ceremony, the stick stabbed through the kingâs foot, breaking his bones and resulting in an effusion of blood.
At last Patrick looked down and realized what he had done. He fell to his knees and begged the kingâs forgiveness, which was cheerfully given. But when Patrick asked why Aengus had not said anything about the injury and the accompanying pain, Aengus replied simply, âI thought it was part of the ritual.â
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Tomás de Torquemada was the "grand inquisitor" of 15 th century Spain , that is to say the man who was in charge of the Spanish Inquisition, the official name for which was the Holy Office. The original purpose of the Inquisition was to ferret out those Spaniards who were pretending to be Catholics but were in reality Muslims or Jews. (After the reconquista many Spaniards of those faiths underwent sham conversions in order to keep their property and remain in Spain . They were suspected of outwardly conforming to Catholicism while secretly practicing their real religions.) The inquisitors often had difficulty deciding which of the accused were true Catholics and which were engaging in deceit. Once, while interrogating a cell filled with prisoners, Torquemada's solution to the problem was simple. "Kill them all," he said. "God will know his own."
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Martin Luther, the 16 th century Protestant reformer, was a scholar, linguist, professor, priest, prolific writer, political figure, and a man who rocked 16 th century Europe to its very foundation. He was also a German, and as such had affection for beer. He reportedly had a large beer stein upon the side of which was inscribed, in this order, the Lord's Prayer, the Apostles' Creed, and the Ten Commandments. It was said that Luther was the only man in Wittenberg who could drain the stein down to the Fifth Commandment in one draught.
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Luther may have been a cheerfully Germanic imbiber of the gift of the hops, but he was also a quite serious theologian of staggering historical impact. In 1529 his close friend Philip Melanchthon, at the behest of Count Philip of Hessen, organized a meeting with the Swiss Protestants led by Huldrich Zwingli in hopes of uniting the reform movement against the Roman Catholic Holy Roman Emperor. Luther and Zwingli agreed on most points of Theology, but they differed on one crucial point: the nature of the Eucharist (the Lord's Supper, Holy Communion, etc.).
Encouraged by the reply, the enemy ship sailed on.
Â
The same argument led to an interesting incident a half century later. The Athanasian point of view carried the day, but the contrary view, Arianism (the Son was inferior to the Father), still had many adherents.
Arcadius , the eldest son of the Roman Emperor Theodosius I, was declared co-ruler with his father in 383 A.D. when he was five years old. At his coronation a local elderly bishop behaved with obsequious deference to Theodosius, but treated Arcadius with disrespectful condescension. Outraged at the impertinent impudence of the bishop, Theodosius ordered him arrested and imprisoned. As the soldiers dragged the bishop from the hall, the old man cried out, âThus be it ever to any man who denies the equality of the Father and the Son!" Startled and amused, Theodosius then had the bishop released.
Â
Saint Patrick, as everyone knows, brought Christianity to Ireland during the 6 th century and in the process baptized many local chieftains into the Christian faith. One of these chieftains, or kings, was named Aengus , a sincere and devout man whose understanding of Christianity was, to put it politely, rudimentary.
Patrick was an old man when he baptized Aengus , and by that late time of his life he leaned heavily upon a wooden walking stick (the ancestor of the shillelagh, perhaps.) In any event, as he baptized the king, Patrick had unwittingly rested the sharp tip of the stick upon the instep of Aengus â foot. As the saint leaned upon the stick during the ceremony, the stick stabbed through the kingâs foot, breaking his bones and resulting in an effusion of blood.
At last Patrick looked down and realized what he had done. He fell to his knees and begged the kingâs forgiveness, which was cheerfully given. But when Patrick asked why Aengus had not said anything about the injury and the accompanying pain, Aengus replied simply, âI thought it was part of the ritual.â
Â
Tomás de Torquemada was the "grand inquisitor" of 15 th century Spain , that is to say the man who was in charge of the Spanish Inquisition, the official name for which was the Holy Office. The original purpose of the Inquisition was to ferret out those Spaniards who were pretending to be Catholics but were in reality Muslims or Jews. (After the reconquista many Spaniards of those faiths underwent sham conversions in order to keep their property and remain in Spain . They were suspected of outwardly conforming to Catholicism while secretly practicing their real religions.) The inquisitors often had difficulty deciding which of the accused were true Catholics and which were engaging in deceit. Once, while interrogating a cell filled with prisoners, Torquemada's solution to the problem was simple. "Kill them all," he said. "God will know his own."
Â
Martin Luther, the 16 th century Protestant reformer, was a scholar, linguist, professor, priest, prolific writer, political figure, and a man who rocked 16 th century Europe to its very foundation. He was also a German, and as such had affection for beer. He reportedly had a large beer stein upon the side of which was inscribed, in this order, the Lord's Prayer, the Apostles' Creed, and the Ten Commandments. It was said that Luther was the only man in Wittenberg who could drain the stein down to the Fifth Commandment in one draught.
Â
Luther may have been a cheerfully Germanic imbiber of the gift of the hops, but he was also a quite serious theologian of staggering historical impact. In 1529 his close friend Philip Melanchthon, at the behest of Count Philip of Hessen, organized a meeting with the Swiss Protestants led by Huldrich Zwingli in hopes of uniting the reform movement against the Roman Catholic Holy Roman Emperor. Luther and Zwingli agreed on most points of Theology, but they differed on one crucial point: the nature of the Eucharist (the Lord's Supper, Holy Communion, etc.).
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