Vacation by Jeremy C. Shipp Page A

Anima.”
    “Amina.”
    “She saved me from Weis.”
    “Odin told me.” She shivers, though it isn’t very cold in here. “As you know, during the move, I damaged the equipment whereby our two minds can converse. All that remained was the device that allows me to control your motor functions. I used it. Once I discovered you were captured, I helped you escape from Weis, and took you to the priests, in hopes that they would get you across the border safely. Once again, I conveyed you into even greater danger. I apologize.”
    I shake my head, slow. “You weren’t controlling me then. Not until Aubrey…Amina was captured by Blackbeard’s men.”
    Noh takes a deep, long breath. She stares down at her hands. “Did you notice anyone acting strange around you, Mr. Johnson?”
    “What do you mean?”
    “Did anyone act as if they couldn’t understand you?”
    I nod, though she’s not looking at me. It doesn’t matter.
    “They couldn’t understand you,” she says. “You were mumbling your words incomprehensibly. You were sleepwalking. I was in control of your body. I helped you untie yourself in Weis’ torture room and sneak out.”
    “No,” I say. “Aubrey freed me. I was following her the whole time.”
    She sits in silence for a while, then, “The manifestation of another human being is a common defense mechanism to battle feelings of helplessness.”
    “What are you talking about?”
    “It must have been easier on your mind for you to follow a person than to lose control again.” She sighs. “Once you perceived her to be in danger of being captured by Blackbeard’s men, you wanted more than anything to save her, therefore there was no explanation for running away other than to feel yourself losing control again. But you were never in control.”
    “She was real,” I say.
    But I’m already thinking of the priests and how they thought I was so innocent after hearing me speak.
    And I’m thinking of the way they ignored Aubrey.
    And I’m thinking of the girl standing beside Weis during the battle with the men in black, with her burned incomprehensible face.
    A face my mind didn’t want me to see.
    But still, I say, “I know she was real.”
    Now I’m tired.
     
    It’s so obvious now.
    How would Weis’ daughter know the direction of the new secret Garden stronghold?
    She wouldn’t.
    Why would someone like her want to marry someone like me?
    She wouldn’t.
    “Take it out of me,” I say, invading the privacy of her room. “Whatever it is that’s allowing you to fuck with my dreams and control my body, take it out.”
    Her pencil stands motionless atop the notebook on her lap. “I can’t.”
    “You can’t or you won’t?”
    “It’s not a simple implant that can be surgically removed. It’s alive. It grew inside you. It’s part of you now.”
    “Like hell it is.”
    “If I take it out, you’ll die.”
    “I don’t care!”
    This is the most anger I’ve expelled since…I can’t remember when.
    Maybe never.
    Did I ever scream as a child?
    Noh approaches, and stops close enough to touch me. But she doesn’t. “I’m sorry.”
    “Why didn’t you share your seeds with Weis?”
    Her pencil escapes her grip, but she doesn’t pick it up. “Those seeds are what we use to keep the Garden alive, both physically and economically. In other words, those seeds which aren’t used for food, fund our operations. As much as I’d like to, I can’t allow outsiders into our stronghold. The Garden is respected by Weis and people like him, but still, given the opportunity, even he would strip us of everything we have. In the end, we’ll do more good for everyone by keeping our seeds to ourselves.”
    I’m not questioning her about the seeds because I’m curious or because I really want to know.
    I’m doing this because I want a reason to hate her.
    Or at least to stop liking her so much.
    It doesn’t work.
    “I’m sorry for your loss, Mr. Johnson,” she says. “I truly am.”
    So am