Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century by Barbara Carrellas

that we are having a sexual fantasy about Tom. Witnessing is great practice for training the mind to focus at will.
    Witnessing can also be useful for creating distance between yourself and your feelings. When I am extremely sad, angry, or fearful, I try to remember that I am not my emotions. I am me and I am safe in the situation no matter how painful it might be. (I love Louise L. Hay, the metaphysical teacher and author. She once taught me, “Whenever you can say ‘I am safe,’ you are!”) Witnessing helps me remember that my thoughts are fueling my emotions. When I can let my painful thoughts glide by without getting sucked into them, I can calm down and get some clarity on the situation. Then I may still choose to continue to cry or scream or run; but I have made the conscious choice to do these things, and that feels altogether lighter, easier, and safer. I am doing the feeling; the feeling is no longer doing me.
    Conscious choices that produce desirable results—that’s Tantra. When we make the conscious choice to focus our attention on our breath, our movement, our speaking, our touch, our feelings, and our lover’s eyes, we have engaged our minds to help us connect, relax, and let go.

The Exhilaration and Cathartic Meditations
    Both of these meditations can provide a powerful attitude adjustment in as little as twenty minutes, although I think you will find that the longer, fifty- to fifty-five-minute are versions even more effective. I suggest you begin with the twenty-minute versions and work your way up to the longer versions, if you feel so inclined.
    The Exhilaration Meditation has three segments. The Cathartic Meditation has five. Doing these meditations to music makes them much more fun and focused; plus you don’t have to keep track of the time—the change in music signals the next part. Read over the meditations in advance. Once you know the nature of each part of the mediations, you can make your own soundtrack. I have made several versions of varying lengths. You can also use a timer.
    Exhilaration Meditation
    Wear comfortable, loose clothing, or no clothes at all. Although you can do the meditation with eyes open or closed, I recommend closing your eyes. If you live in a small space and fear that you’ll crash into things, simply plant your feet and shake or dance in place.
    Part one (five to fifteen minutes) . Shake. Begin by making yourself shake. Shake your arms, hands, belly, thighs, legs, and face. Soon you will find that the shaking happens on its own—the shaking shakes you.
    Add gibberish. As you continue shaking, make sounds. Start with one repeated syllable, such as blah, blah, blah, blah, blah or yak, yak, yak, yak, yak . Let the syllables change and multiply until it seems you are speaking a make-believe language. Let the gibberish be fun. Enjoy the feeling of vibrating on the inside and on the outside at the same time.
    Part two ( five to fifteen minutes ). Dance. Dance any way you feel like. Move from your core. You are not at a club—do not be concerned about the way you look.
    Add whirling. After you have been dancing for a while (and only if you have not eaten in the past couple of hours) whirl to your left or your right. Keep your eyes open slightly,but let them be unfocused. Start slowly, then speed up. When you begin to feel dizzy, slow down and whirl in the opposite direction, or close your eyes and return to dancing. A little whirling produces a big effect. Whirl sparingly!
    Part three ( ten to twenty minutes ). Keeping your eyes closed, sit or lie down and be still.
    Some people feel nauseous when they whirl. If you know this happens to you, simply dance without whirling. If you become uncomfortably nauseous while whirling, proceed to part three and lie on your stomach. Focus on your heartbeat and breathe. The feeling of nausea while whirling usually dissipates with practice.
    Cathartic Meditation
    The Cathartic Meditation is more energetic and chaotic than the