Upstate by Kalisha Buckhanon Page B

for me cause he had thought things might be different
and I would come back to class. I asked him why he think to bring me the book, and he said I could tell that you liked it. I don’t see how he could tell that since I flunked every quiz he gave us on it, but he is a really smart man I guess when it’s all said and done. He said he couldn’t stay that long cause him and his wife and kids was gonna see some family she had up in Connecticut, so he had to go cause he had left them at the IHOP to come see me.
    I didn’t do nothing all day Sunday but read that book again so I could write my report and get it to Ms. Harris so I could get in the class. I mean, it ain’t no coincidence that he brought me the book and she wanted a report. That’s a sign from the Most High as Mohammed put it that I gotta get it together, don’t you think? I’m gonna write that report tomorrow, and I’m gonna do it all by myself. You remember how I used to always ask you to write my shit for me? Well, this time I’m gonna do it all by myself, with no help from anybody. I might ask Mohammed to look at it for spelling and puncutation, and that’s it. I promise I’m not gonna disappoint anybody anymore.
    Love,
    Antonio
    Â 
    Â 
    Â 
    July 27, 1990
    Â 
    I’m sorry I took so long to write back to you, but I had to sort out some things I wanted to say to you. You
know what Antonio, sometimes I feel like you don’t even be listening to me or caring about what I have to say. I know you try to cheer me up, but I think you need to realize you ain’t gotta be locked up to be lonely. I have a lot of problems and a lot of things I think about and want to do myself. It’s like lately I been feeling your letters is all about you and you ain’t interested in me no more. And I think you trying a little too hard to impress this Ms. Harris so I’m wondering if you got feelings for her. I saw your mother the other day and she told me you sent her the paper you wrote and all the good comments Ms. Harris had wrote on it, and I got a little bit upset cause you ain’t said nothing to me about it. What, you got sumthin to hide? You need not be worried about Ms. Harris. You need to be worrying about your mother. Antonio, the truth is she don’t look too good. She done put on a lot of weight I can tell you that. You ain’t seen her in a while, but the next time you see her you’ll see what I’m talking about. Now Mrs. Lawrence always had them hips, but it’s like her stomach got big and her arms swelled up and every time I come over there she just sitting on that couch with a bowl of dried-up food on the front table, smelling up the room. She just flip channels over and over again, from Oprah to People’s Court to Days of Our Lives to whatever. I keep asking her when she gonna go back to her job and she keep saying she ain’t ready. Tell you the truth I think she fired and don’t want to accept it or admit it. I don’t know where Tyler and Trevon be half the
time. It’s the summer, so I guess they be out on the courts or riding bikes.
    But anyway she took all Mr. Lawrence pictures down, and on Saturday me and her took the bus down to 125th to the Salvation Army to donate some of his clothes. I guess she finally accepting that he gone. Now, if you don’t want her to take your pictures down and give your clothes away (starting with the kicks), you better start showing some concern for somebody other than yourself. Like about time I started thinking about myself for a change. I’m starting to turn out just like my mother, thinking about everybody else and not myself. Well, that’s about to change. I’m going to France in less than a month and I asked for more hours so I could save up some money for my trip, so I’m not gonna have that much time to write. Go ahead and keep yourself busy with Ms. Harris while I handle my business.
    Best