those minutes might have made a difference. I wi ll never know either way, and that i s the hard part.
April 5, 2003 :
Last night was my final night on the midnight shift, at least for the next six weeks. Thank God this shift is over; I have n o t had a decent sleep in weeks. Every day , when my squad finally gets to sleep, it i s right when everyone else is coming in for dinner. It i s noisy outside, and it i s noisy inside. The kitchen and eating area are located directly above our room, and it gets loud at meal time. Then people from other squads will come into our roo m looking for something. They will turn the light on, find what they need , and then leave with the light still on and the door wide open. Imagine bein g woken up every thirty minutes all night and every night for weeks on end. The only thing that makes it even worse is to then try fall ing back to sleep with a mouse running all over you and under your covers . It i s extremely exhausting.
I really can no t wait for this deployment to be over. This place is absolutely miserable, and nothing good ever happens. There are only two ways of living life here: we a re either extremely bored or something really shitty is happening. There is no middle ground , no in between . I just honestly feel as though the only certainty in Afghanistan is that tomorrow has nothing good to offer. It gets so depressing when you realize you have nothing good to look forward to. The only thing I have to look forward to is finishing this deployment and going home, but that is months and months away. Hopefully things will get better once I start the new shift, but I a m not holding my breath.
April 6, 2003 :
Today was my first day on the new shift. The day was beautiful, and the evenings here are actually gorgeous. I slept a normal night time sleep, and it was so quiet. I loved it!
The weather today was just perfe ct. The temperature was seventy- five degrees, and throughout the day, there was nothing but sunshine. Around six o’clock in the evening , I climbed to the roof of my OP to sit and watch the sun set behind the mountains. I felt a cool wind blowing across my face and realized that this moment was absolutely amazing. Regardless of what was going on around me, regardless of what I was in the middle of, this moment was flawless.
Not long after the sunset, the day turned into night, the temperature fell, and it became the cold dark night I ha ve grown to know all too well here.
After d ark, I climbed back to the roof and looked up at the sky. The stars were absolutely amazing. There are no streetlights or other types of ambient artificial lighting, so you get to see every star in all its glory. I ha ve never seen anything quite like it. I got lost in my own head, just thinking about the vastness and the enormity of what I was looking upon . It made me realize just how small I was, and how insignificant we all are in the grand scheme of things. Tonight, I found an indescribable beauty while in the midst of chaos, and it made me feel as though I ha ve never been so alone.
April 7, 2003 :
I had a hard time falling asleep after shift last night; I think my body might need a few days to adjust to sleeping at night again. Once I am adjusted, I think I a m going to love this shift. The best part of it is that there are no missions. We still have to do daytime patrols, but no significant missions. My squad has barely enough people to cover the shift, and we a re almost never back fr om a mission by four o’clock. It is looking as though our shift will have us awake, and ready to do patrols for four or five hours , every morning by eight o’clock . We will then have a few hours before shift starts, then shift, and then off to sleep for the night. This is a lot better than before.
I woke up around seven- thirty this morning, and I found that there were no patrols assigned today. My squad has actually been getting very lucky with that lately. A few guys and I decided to throw
April 5, 2003 :
Last night was my final night on the midnight shift, at least for the next six weeks. Thank God this shift is over; I have n o t had a decent sleep in weeks. Every day , when my squad finally gets to sleep, it i s right when everyone else is coming in for dinner. It i s noisy outside, and it i s noisy inside. The kitchen and eating area are located directly above our room, and it gets loud at meal time. Then people from other squads will come into our roo m looking for something. They will turn the light on, find what they need , and then leave with the light still on and the door wide open. Imagine bein g woken up every thirty minutes all night and every night for weeks on end. The only thing that makes it even worse is to then try fall ing back to sleep with a mouse running all over you and under your covers . It i s extremely exhausting.
I really can no t wait for this deployment to be over. This place is absolutely miserable, and nothing good ever happens. There are only two ways of living life here: we a re either extremely bored or something really shitty is happening. There is no middle ground , no in between . I just honestly feel as though the only certainty in Afghanistan is that tomorrow has nothing good to offer. It gets so depressing when you realize you have nothing good to look forward to. The only thing I have to look forward to is finishing this deployment and going home, but that is months and months away. Hopefully things will get better once I start the new shift, but I a m not holding my breath.
April 6, 2003 :
Today was my first day on the new shift. The day was beautiful, and the evenings here are actually gorgeous. I slept a normal night time sleep, and it was so quiet. I loved it!
The weather today was just perfe ct. The temperature was seventy- five degrees, and throughout the day, there was nothing but sunshine. Around six o’clock in the evening , I climbed to the roof of my OP to sit and watch the sun set behind the mountains. I felt a cool wind blowing across my face and realized that this moment was absolutely amazing. Regardless of what was going on around me, regardless of what I was in the middle of, this moment was flawless.
Not long after the sunset, the day turned into night, the temperature fell, and it became the cold dark night I ha ve grown to know all too well here.
After d ark, I climbed back to the roof and looked up at the sky. The stars were absolutely amazing. There are no streetlights or other types of ambient artificial lighting, so you get to see every star in all its glory. I ha ve never seen anything quite like it. I got lost in my own head, just thinking about the vastness and the enormity of what I was looking upon . It made me realize just how small I was, and how insignificant we all are in the grand scheme of things. Tonight, I found an indescribable beauty while in the midst of chaos, and it made me feel as though I ha ve never been so alone.
April 7, 2003 :
I had a hard time falling asleep after shift last night; I think my body might need a few days to adjust to sleeping at night again. Once I am adjusted, I think I a m going to love this shift. The best part of it is that there are no missions. We still have to do daytime patrols, but no significant missions. My squad has barely enough people to cover the shift, and we a re almost never back fr om a mission by four o’clock. It is looking as though our shift will have us awake, and ready to do patrols for four or five hours , every morning by eight o’clock . We will then have a few hours before shift starts, then shift, and then off to sleep for the night. This is a lot better than before.
I woke up around seven- thirty this morning, and I found that there were no patrols assigned today. My squad has actually been getting very lucky with that lately. A few guys and I decided to throw
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