Undraland by Mary Twomey

you’ll excuse me. I’ll go on ahead and see to quelling their fight. I fear if I wait for Lucy, your hut will be in cinders by the time we reach it. Excuse me, Goose.”
    “Huh?” My foot snagged on a root, so I clung tighter to Jamie.
    Jens touched my shoulder. “I gotcha.”
    “Get your paws off me,” I warned. “I’m getting along just fine.”
    I could hear Jens’s disapproval. “I can see that. Look, this isn’t Ohio. You can’t hang onto an engaged man like that, Loos. People are already talking.”
    I harrumphed, dropping Jamie’s arm with chagrin. “Fine! How do you expect me to get anywhere if I can’t see where I’m going?”
    “Hold onto me instead.”
    I stopped walking and crossed my arms over my chest, miffed that Alrik left me with the jerk who attacked me twice and punched out another woman. “Dude, that’s not gonna happen.”
    He let out a noise of irritation. “Fine. Go on to my place, Jamie. Help Alrik get them all cooperating with your diplomat-speak. Tor’s out in my orchard, but he’ll be back. I’ll make sure Lucy doesn’t kill herself tripping over her own two feet. Oh, the glory of guard duty.”
    Jamie trotted off, leaving me to Jens’s devices. Apparently I was headed in the wrong direction, because he kept telling me to walk a little more to the right.
    “You seem pissed,” he observed.
    “Well spotted.” I huffed when my stomachache started to get to me. “You know, if I had a fiancé, I’d want him to help someone who needed it, even if it was another woman. Your culture is weird.”
    “You won’t get any arguments from me. I’m barely here anymore.”
    “Because the king wants you dead?”
    He scoffed. “If anything, that’s a reason to stay. The more King Johannes tries to off me, the weaker he looks. He’s an idiot.”
    “Whatever. Could you rage against the machine a little quieter? Your voice is like a foghorn.” Plus, there were people yelling their greetings to Jens, as if he was a celebrity.
    “Keep going right. Follow my voice, Loos. Go to your right.”
    I could hear a group of women nearby gossiping about Jens the Brave and “the human female”. Apparently, him being out in the open was almost as much of a scandal as me being here. I could feel people watching me as I walked where Jens led, and I hated it. I felt so foolish, plodding along with my eyes shut, stomach churning and flesh baking in the too-hot sun. “So what’s this meeting about?”
    “Not really something to talk about in the open.” He turned to the side. “Hey, Helsa. Did I miss anything important around here?”
    Helsa seemed enthralled that the great Jens was speaking to them, her voice all high-pitched and giggly. Oh, brother. “Yes! Farmer Amund’s goats got into Davin’s potatoes and nearly caused a riot between their families.”
    The other female piped in eagerly. “And Prince Jamie’s betrothed is coming in three days to inspect the land. If she likes it, she’ll stay, instead of taking Prince Jamie to her father’s kingdom.”
    “Great,” he answered, though I could tell he had opinions about this.
    Not to be outdone by her friend, Helsa added, “There’s a wolf about, Jens. Do you think you could see to it while you’re back? How long do you think you might stay this visit?”
    “No idea,” he answered, and I could tell he wasn’t even looking at her. “To your right, Loos.”
    “Okay.” I took another step, and then stopped. “Are you leading me in a circle?” I cracked open one eye at his laughter, but it was a mistake. The light was so bright, I stumbled back, landing on my rear and making a fool of myself, which only made him laugh more. Helsa and a dozen more people nearby giggled at the stupid, clumsy human. Their exact words.
    His voice turned sharp. “Hey! Knock it off, Helsa. She’s not stupid. She knows how to drive a real car.”
    This inane factoid about me earned deferential gasps. What a culture. I wonder what they