Under the Lights by Abbi Glines

didn’t explain his bitter tone when he’d spoken about his brother. “Oh,” I said by way of response because I didn’t want to push. It wasn’t my business.
    â€œHe’s the favorite, is all. You know that. Didn’t change. Never will.”
    That much I knew. Rhett was definitely the most loved child. His parents were very proud of him, even when we had all been younger. There was nothing that Rhett could do that was frowned upon. They saved all that for Gunner. Not that it was fair at all, but that was how things in this house worked. More times than not, Nonna would leave with a plate of cookies to sneak into Gunner’s bedroom because he had gotten in trouble again with his parents over something Nonna didn’t agree with.
    Even knowing all that, I also knew that something else was there. Under the surface. Something he was hiding and letting simmer and burn beneath his skin. That wasn’tgoing to end well. One day he’d explode and end up with too many regrets to count. I decided to push just a little. The best way to do that was to be slightly vulnerable and see if he opened up. Not because I was nosy, but because I was concerned for the boy who had once been there for me when I needed him most.
    â€œWhen I left here, I thought I’d be alone forever. No friends again. I was terrified of school in a new place. But then I found Poppy, or she found me. She never left my side. She was a lot like you.”
    Gunner had gone still, as he seemed truly interested in what I was telling him. Saying Poppy’s name wasn’t easy. He’d never know how much verbalizing that piece of my past had cost me. My chest was aching, and the thick heaviness of grief began to seep through me. I rarely let myself think of her. Much less say her name aloud. But I wanted others to know her.
    She deserved to be remembered. To be shared. Even though her life had been short and the plans we’d made to go off to college together and marry best friends so we could live next door to each other would never happen, her memory was precious. I wanted to say her name even if it pained me to do so.
    â€œYou miss her?”
    â€œMore than any words could describe.”
    He raised his eyebrows. “So they made you leave. You didn’t want to come back. You had friends and a good life there?”
    Those were questions I wouldn’t answer. Instead I gave him all I was willing to give him. “Yes and no. My life there is gone now. I don’t want to go back. I don’t think I can.”
    â€œBut . . .” He paused, frowning. “What about Poppy?”
    I was expecting that question. When I said her name, I’d come to terms with telling him the truth about her. Hearing him say her name hadn’t pained me. I was okay with it. She was a part of me now too. I wanted to share her with Gunner. I’d not wanted that before.
    â€œShe’s dead.” Those were words I had refused to say for a very long time. They had gotten stuck in my throat, and the sobbing would begin when I even tried.
    â€œOh God,” he whispered. “How?”
    This was the part I hated to say. The part that I wished to God I never had to tell. It was why I was destroyed. Why my soul would never be the same. That night had changed us forever. But it had been the following week when Poppy had died that made life unbearable. I’d understood why she’d done it. If I had been her, maybe I would have needed to do it too. Could she have survived if she hadn’t taken the easy way out? I’d never know. The agony she had to endure would break anyone. But it hadn’t just broken Poppy. Ithad ended her. She hadn’t been strong enough to handle the repercussions of our stupidity.
    Lifting my gaze from the worn cover of the book in my hands, I forced myself to look at Gunner as I said the words. They would spike through me as I said them. They always did. However,