before the shift—before he became Jeremy—was to be in full and utter control of my mind.
My stomach drops. With my most recent declaration, I’ve served it up to him on a silver platter.
Shit! Shit! Shit !
There is no deception anymore. I cannot claim to be hiding things—anything!—from him. Not when he knows the way I feel. Not when he got the precise thing that he was after when he was still Stonehart.
Jeremy…Jeremy Stonehart…does not make empty promises—least of all to himself. He set his sights on me, and got me.
But that was just the physical. The only way I survived his abuse in the dark was by disassociating myself mentally. I told myself that—no matter what he did—he could never have my mind.
Now, I’ve given it up.
Utter terror. That is what I feel. I turn around slowly, angling my body toward his.
Jeremy has not moved from his spot. He simply stands there, watching me. With the cold, calculating eyes of a vulture.
“Are you Jeremy?” I find myself asking. I can hardly believe the words coming from my mouth. “Or are you…Stonehart?”
He smiles, coyly. It’s a smile full of understanding. “I was not aware there was a difference,” he tells me.
I know he’s mocking me, now.
It takes every bit of strength I have to make myself start down the stairs. Not to turn away and run and hide, but to face the monster head on.
“Maybe there’s not,” I say. My composure has returned—outwardly, at least. I’m ready to tackle whatever comes next. “But that would be a great loss for you.”
“Would it?” he muses.
“Oh yes,” I say. I walk purposely toward him. I start to circle him, as if I’m the hunter, and he’s the prey.
“When you’re Stonehart, I hate you. I despise you. You could say…” I smile at him. “…that I want you dead.”
He does not blink.
“But,” I continue, “when you’re Jeremy…” I trail a finger up the back of his arm, to his shoulder, and across his neck, “…sometimes, when you’re Jeremy…I think I love you. No,” I stop my finger and go up on both toes to whisper in his ear, “I do love you, Jeremy. But as the man you are in those moments. Not as the man you are always.”
I laugh and turn away. “It’s quite fucked up. Isn’t it? This thing we have between us? But that is what makes it so special. That is what makes it so…” I face him and fix him with a sultry glare, “…erotic.”
“Lilly,” he growls. I’ve had my effect on him. He already sounds lustful and aroused.
“Nuh uh,” I waggle my finger. “I know how much you want me, Jeremy. I can see it in your eyes. But unlike before, I’m not going to just let you reach out and have me. You’re going to have to work for it. You’re going to have to prove your worth.”
Next comes my biggest gamble.
“Of course,” I continue, “you could just force yourself on me. You could take me against my will. Everybody around the world knows how big and powerful you are. How easy it would be for you to overpower someone like me. Small. Fragile. And, in your own words… precious .”
“Lilly,” he says. “You don’t know what you’re doing. I’m warning you right now to stop. Or so help me, I won’t be able to restrain myself.”
“Won’t you?” I wonder. “What happened to that spectacular self-control? Hmm? Surely you don’t want to become the monster you lamented being before, to the woman you claim has stolen your heart. Do you?”
“It’s not a claim,” he growls, tendrils of anger thrumming through in his voice. “It is the undeniable truth.”
“Is that ‘truth’ with a capital ‘T,’ Jeremy?” I ask. “Or is it out of your made up self-delusions?”
“I never…” He steps toward me. “…delude myself.”
Caught ! I think.
I let him walk himself right to his own noose.
“In that case,” I tell him, standing tall even as he approaches, even as he looks me over and grabs both my arms. “If you force yourself on me
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