Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Weird Inventions by Bathroom Readers’ Institute
Book: Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Weird Inventions by Bathroom Readers’ Institute
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Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
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old new bar that doesn’t cost $13. But where would this great nation be if we ignored inventions that cost us extra money in the name of saving us money?
SADISTIC BABY GADGETS
T he Baby Cage
Pediatricians have long debated the physical and emotional ramifications of “co-sleeping”—parents allowing baby to sleep in bed with them, rather than in a crib of their own down the hall. One genius sought to solve the very real and very frightening logistical concerns of co-sleeping (baby rolling off the bed, parents rolling onto baby) by inventing the Baby Cage, an oval dome that keeps baby locked inside and in place. And it’s laced with curved crossbars sturdy enough to hold a parent’s weight in case of a roll-over. So, hooray, baby survives the night…locked in a tiny prison.
The Diaper Alarm
One of the less appetizing perks of bringing up baby is the diaper check: the pat, the sniff, the grope that helps a parent figure out when it’s time to make a change before the nappy runneth over. Putting a stop to such indignities was the goal of the Diaper Alarm, a battery-powered sensor that attached to the Huggies and initiated a mild electrical induction when wet, culminating in flashing lights and an audible alarm. A pool of pee-pee, a jolt of electricity, and baby’s little privates—what could go wrong?
The Baby Patter
How far will new parents go for a good night’s sleep? Apparently not far enough to make a fortune for the inventor of the Baby Patter, which provides a very loose interpretation of the word “soothe.” Designed with the notion that an occasional tender touch keeps a sleeping infant content, the Patter attached to a crib and featured a motorized, robotlike arm—with “hand” attached—that sporadically would spring to life (gently, let’s hope) and “pat” the sleeping baby’s bottom. Can you feel the (robot) love tonight? So can baby…as long as it doesn’t scooch around to face the opposite direction.
Cry No More
Millions of parents rely on the pacifier, that rubbery replacement for the comfort that only mom once could provide. Trouble is, babies eventually gain a pesky measure of autonomy, which too often results in the spit-out, the grab-and-fling, and other maneuvers that interrupt pacification and send parents diving under the sofa or reaching for the sanitizer. Cry No More was designed to end all that. It attached a binky semi-permanently to baby’s face via circular straps that lassoed around the ears. Never mind that it left baby looking like Hannibal Lector in mid-transport and one bad breath away from choking.
LINCOLN TUNNEL CATWALK CARS
B uried 100 feet below the Hudson River, the Lincoln Tunnel is one of the world’s busiest passageways, connecting New Jersey to Manhattan. On an average day, over 100,000 vehicles chug through its three tubes. And since 1961, officers working for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey have had an invaluable weapon at their disposal to help fight crime and traffic jams tin the tunnel: Catwalk Cars.
When they debuted, the single-wheeled cars were fueled by gasoline as they sped along narrow catwalks attached to the edges of the tunnel’s tubes. The 550-pound vehicles, which looked sort of like bumper cars and were constructed of aluminum and plastic, could move forward or backward at up to 30 mph.
Nowadays, officers monitor traffic in the Lincoln Tunnel 24 hours a day and are perpetually on alert. Given their proximity to New York City, the tubes are considered high-risk terrorist targets, but a more common threat to commuters is traffic delays. To help keep up with the ever-increasing number of motorists down there, the catwalk cars have been updated. The modern ones are lighter, faster, powered by electricity, and parked in 4’ x 8’ booths strategically stationed near the spots where incidents most often occur. Each of the tunnel’s tubes has two of them. When things go wrong, an officer jumps into one of the tiny cars
SADISTIC BABY GADGETS
T he Baby Cage
Pediatricians have long debated the physical and emotional ramifications of “co-sleeping”—parents allowing baby to sleep in bed with them, rather than in a crib of their own down the hall. One genius sought to solve the very real and very frightening logistical concerns of co-sleeping (baby rolling off the bed, parents rolling onto baby) by inventing the Baby Cage, an oval dome that keeps baby locked inside and in place. And it’s laced with curved crossbars sturdy enough to hold a parent’s weight in case of a roll-over. So, hooray, baby survives the night…locked in a tiny prison.
The Diaper Alarm
One of the less appetizing perks of bringing up baby is the diaper check: the pat, the sniff, the grope that helps a parent figure out when it’s time to make a change before the nappy runneth over. Putting a stop to such indignities was the goal of the Diaper Alarm, a battery-powered sensor that attached to the Huggies and initiated a mild electrical induction when wet, culminating in flashing lights and an audible alarm. A pool of pee-pee, a jolt of electricity, and baby’s little privates—what could go wrong?
The Baby Patter
How far will new parents go for a good night’s sleep? Apparently not far enough to make a fortune for the inventor of the Baby Patter, which provides a very loose interpretation of the word “soothe.” Designed with the notion that an occasional tender touch keeps a sleeping infant content, the Patter attached to a crib and featured a motorized, robotlike arm—with “hand” attached—that sporadically would spring to life (gently, let’s hope) and “pat” the sleeping baby’s bottom. Can you feel the (robot) love tonight? So can baby…as long as it doesn’t scooch around to face the opposite direction.
Cry No More
Millions of parents rely on the pacifier, that rubbery replacement for the comfort that only mom once could provide. Trouble is, babies eventually gain a pesky measure of autonomy, which too often results in the spit-out, the grab-and-fling, and other maneuvers that interrupt pacification and send parents diving under the sofa or reaching for the sanitizer. Cry No More was designed to end all that. It attached a binky semi-permanently to baby’s face via circular straps that lassoed around the ears. Never mind that it left baby looking like Hannibal Lector in mid-transport and one bad breath away from choking.
LINCOLN TUNNEL CATWALK CARS
B uried 100 feet below the Hudson River, the Lincoln Tunnel is one of the world’s busiest passageways, connecting New Jersey to Manhattan. On an average day, over 100,000 vehicles chug through its three tubes. And since 1961, officers working for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey have had an invaluable weapon at their disposal to help fight crime and traffic jams tin the tunnel: Catwalk Cars.
When they debuted, the single-wheeled cars were fueled by gasoline as they sped along narrow catwalks attached to the edges of the tunnel’s tubes. The 550-pound vehicles, which looked sort of like bumper cars and were constructed of aluminum and plastic, could move forward or backward at up to 30 mph.
Nowadays, officers monitor traffic in the Lincoln Tunnel 24 hours a day and are perpetually on alert. Given their proximity to New York City, the tubes are considered high-risk terrorist targets, but a more common threat to commuters is traffic delays. To help keep up with the ever-increasing number of motorists down there, the catwalk cars have been updated. The modern ones are lighter, faster, powered by electricity, and parked in 4’ x 8’ booths strategically stationed near the spots where incidents most often occur. Each of the tunnel’s tubes has two of them. When things go wrong, an officer jumps into one of the tiny cars
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