Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Weird Inventions by Bathroom Readers’ Institute Page A
Book: Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Weird Inventions by Bathroom Readers’ Institute
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Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
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and races off like Batman to the rescue.
ONE INTENSIVE COMB-OVER
T here are a lot of inventions out there claiming to cure baldness or regrow hair—helmets, lasers, creams, and surgeries, for example. But this invention is merely a technique for combing hair in a particular, yet very elaborate, way so that men who have lost all the hair on the tops of their heads (but not the sides) can make do with what they’ve got and trick any observers. (Also: You can indeed patent a technique or method of doing something with the U.S. patent office).
Registered in 1975, this “method of concealing partial baldness” takes the old trick of flapping a wave of hair from one side of the head over to the other to cover a bald spot and takes it to the next level. First, a man who is bald on top must grow out his hair in the back and on the sides, as long as it will go, until it hangs down like floppy drapes. Then, the method instructs, he carefully combs over each section, one at a time, layering them. The end result: short hair on the sides, full hair on top. (Keep it in place by spraying down each section with hair spray once it’s lying flat.)
NEW FRONTIERS IN CAFFEINE DISPERSAL
B ecause drinking a cup or a can of something can take too long, you can now get these products, all of them infused with caffeine and other stimulants:
• Gummi Bears
• Maple syrup
• Breath mints
• Soap
• Gum
• Hot sauce
• Marshmallows
• Body wash
• Time-release caffeine capsules
• Dissolvable strips
• Beef jerky
• Popcorn
• Bloody Mary mix
• Breath spray
• Bottled water
DUMB USB GADGETS
P et Rock: The item that became synonymous with the whimsical and gullible 1970s has returned! Only now, it’s high-tech. In the spirit of the original, it does nothing; plugging it into your computer’s USB port doesn’t even draw any power away.
Squirming Tentacle: People will think an octopus or the fictional alien monster Cthulhu has taken control of your laptop when they see a moving tentacle coming out of a USB port. Unlike the Pet Rock, at least it moves.
Power Hour Album Shot Glass: This 1GB external storage drive contains 60 one-minute drinking songs. It fits perfectly into an included shot glass, used to play a game where the user takes a shot after every song.
Hot Cookie Cup Warmer: Working hard will never again mean that your long-ignored cup of coffee will go cold. This miniature hot plate, which resembles an oversize Oreo cookie, plugs into your computer and keeps a mug warm while you’re focusing on a problem, attending a meeting, or trying to advance to the next level of World of Warcraft .
Fishquarium: Containing enough room for a couple of goldfish, the Fishquarium plugs into your computer, which powers a low-voltage pump and filtration system while the sounds of nature soothe away stress. It also has a pencil holder.
CORDLESS JUMP ROPE
J umping rope has long been established as a superb cardiovascular exercise that helps get your whole body working hard, and it looks cool in training montages in boxing movies, but there are still some individuals whose crippling fear of rope and rope-related products prevents them from ever enjoying this leisure activity.
Or at least that’s our presumption, anyway, as it seems like a slightly better excuse for the existence of the Cordless Jump Rope than someone just buying a piece of rope. According to the patent granted to Lester J. Clancy of Mansfield, Ohio, his invention features two handles, but instead of being attached to rope, “a donut-shaped enclosure is provided and mounted to the handle,” inside of which is a weighted ball that, when rotated, will “generate rotational torque to simulate the use of a jump rope.” While the Cordless Jump Rope does admittedly remove any possible chance of the user somehow accidentally getting rope burn, the value of which cannot be underestimated, it’s hard not to consider the fact that it might prove more
ONE INTENSIVE COMB-OVER
T here are a lot of inventions out there claiming to cure baldness or regrow hair—helmets, lasers, creams, and surgeries, for example. But this invention is merely a technique for combing hair in a particular, yet very elaborate, way so that men who have lost all the hair on the tops of their heads (but not the sides) can make do with what they’ve got and trick any observers. (Also: You can indeed patent a technique or method of doing something with the U.S. patent office).
Registered in 1975, this “method of concealing partial baldness” takes the old trick of flapping a wave of hair from one side of the head over to the other to cover a bald spot and takes it to the next level. First, a man who is bald on top must grow out his hair in the back and on the sides, as long as it will go, until it hangs down like floppy drapes. Then, the method instructs, he carefully combs over each section, one at a time, layering them. The end result: short hair on the sides, full hair on top. (Keep it in place by spraying down each section with hair spray once it’s lying flat.)
NEW FRONTIERS IN CAFFEINE DISPERSAL
B ecause drinking a cup or a can of something can take too long, you can now get these products, all of them infused with caffeine and other stimulants:
• Gummi Bears
• Maple syrup
• Breath mints
• Soap
• Gum
• Hot sauce
• Marshmallows
• Body wash
• Time-release caffeine capsules
• Dissolvable strips
• Beef jerky
• Popcorn
• Bloody Mary mix
• Breath spray
• Bottled water
DUMB USB GADGETS
P et Rock: The item that became synonymous with the whimsical and gullible 1970s has returned! Only now, it’s high-tech. In the spirit of the original, it does nothing; plugging it into your computer’s USB port doesn’t even draw any power away.
Squirming Tentacle: People will think an octopus or the fictional alien monster Cthulhu has taken control of your laptop when they see a moving tentacle coming out of a USB port. Unlike the Pet Rock, at least it moves.
Power Hour Album Shot Glass: This 1GB external storage drive contains 60 one-minute drinking songs. It fits perfectly into an included shot glass, used to play a game where the user takes a shot after every song.
Hot Cookie Cup Warmer: Working hard will never again mean that your long-ignored cup of coffee will go cold. This miniature hot plate, which resembles an oversize Oreo cookie, plugs into your computer and keeps a mug warm while you’re focusing on a problem, attending a meeting, or trying to advance to the next level of World of Warcraft .
Fishquarium: Containing enough room for a couple of goldfish, the Fishquarium plugs into your computer, which powers a low-voltage pump and filtration system while the sounds of nature soothe away stress. It also has a pencil holder.
CORDLESS JUMP ROPE
J umping rope has long been established as a superb cardiovascular exercise that helps get your whole body working hard, and it looks cool in training montages in boxing movies, but there are still some individuals whose crippling fear of rope and rope-related products prevents them from ever enjoying this leisure activity.
Or at least that’s our presumption, anyway, as it seems like a slightly better excuse for the existence of the Cordless Jump Rope than someone just buying a piece of rope. According to the patent granted to Lester J. Clancy of Mansfield, Ohio, his invention features two handles, but instead of being attached to rope, “a donut-shaped enclosure is provided and mounted to the handle,” inside of which is a weighted ball that, when rotated, will “generate rotational torque to simulate the use of a jump rope.” While the Cordless Jump Rope does admittedly remove any possible chance of the user somehow accidentally getting rope burn, the value of which cannot be underestimated, it’s hard not to consider the fact that it might prove more
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