Uncle John's Bathroom Reader The World's Gone Crazy by Bathroom Readers’ Institute
Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
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away was a six-foot-tall “boomer,” or large male kangaroo. Before Steven could react, the animal leapt at him, grabbed him, threw him to the ground, and began to stomp on him with its powerful hind legs. Another golfer finally scared off the animal and Steven was rushed to the hospital, where he was treated for a fractured cheekbone and deep gouges all over his body. He couldn’t open one eye for a year, but eventually recovered from his wounds.
D ate: June 2003
Victims: Doug and Pauline Lawson of Monto, Queensland
Attack! Pauline Lawson looked out a window one day and saw her husband Doug running toward the house, screaming, with his face covered in blood. Doug ran into the house, and a large kangaroo hopped in after him—and began attacking both Doug and Pauline in their kitchen. The duo fought back with hands, feet, a broom, and a water hose until it finally left. The Lawsons were both badly bruised and scratched but not seriously injured. And that same animal is believed to have struck again…
Date: July 2003
Victims: John and Helen Crouch of New South Wales
Attack! During a vacation in Monto, the site of the previous attack, the Crouches were standing outside their motor home when a huge kangaroo seemingly appeared out of nowhere and pounced on Helen. It gouged her on the face, back, and groin (kangaroos have stout, sharp claws on both their front and back legs) before John was able to get the animal off her. Then the kangaroo turned on him. “It was kill or be killed,” said John. He grabbed an axe and struck the kangaroo several times before finally killing it. Authorities believe it was the same animal that had attacked the Lawsons. It was probably driven by hunger because the area was suffering a severe drought.
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75% of all men’s underwear is purchased by women .
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Date: July 18, 2008
Victim: Rosemary Neal, 65, of Mudgee, New South Wales
Attack! As Neal was walking through a horse pasture on her farm about 160 miles northeast of Sydney, a 6 ½-foot-tall kangaroo “just jumped up and launched straight at her,” according to her son, Darren. The Neals’ dog was able to chase the kangaroo off, but not before Rosemary suffered extensive cuts as well as a concussion. The attack brought a heated response from residents of the area, who called for the police to find and kill the offending ’roo. “How do you propose we do that?” Mudgee Police Inspector Greg Spinks asked. “By doing some kind of kangaroo lineup?” A hunt for the animal was not attempted.
Date: July 3, 2004
Victim: Christine Canham of Canberra, New South Wales
Attack! Canham was watching her four dogs swim in a pond in a city park one day when a large kangaroo appeared on the shore. Then it jumped into the water, swam up to one of her Golden Retrievers (kangaroos are excellent swimmers), and, as Canham watched in horror from the shore, held the dog underwater until it was dead. “The kangaroo just stared back at us,” Canham told the Canberra Times . “I will never forget that.” Surprisingly, reports of kangaroos trying to drown dogs and other perceived predators are not uncommon.
“You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you’ll have to run much faster.”
—Lewis Carroll
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1st U.S. church to open a fast-food franchise: True Bethel Baptist Church in NY. (It was a Subway.)
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YOU’RE SICK? I’M SICK!
What do you call a panic that causes an imagined illness to spread over a population? Mass hysteria .
T HE SWEET SMELL OF PANIC
In 2009 a worker sprayed herself with perfume at the Bank of America corporate office in Fort Worth, Texas. Apparently, two people nearby were allergic to it, reported feeling dizzy, and went home. Soon after, a public-address announcement instructed that any worker who was also feeling dizzy should go outside for some fresh air. Within a few hours, more than 140 people reported feeling ill, with symptoms including dizziness,
D ate: June 2003
Victims: Doug and Pauline Lawson of Monto, Queensland
Attack! Pauline Lawson looked out a window one day and saw her husband Doug running toward the house, screaming, with his face covered in blood. Doug ran into the house, and a large kangaroo hopped in after him—and began attacking both Doug and Pauline in their kitchen. The duo fought back with hands, feet, a broom, and a water hose until it finally left. The Lawsons were both badly bruised and scratched but not seriously injured. And that same animal is believed to have struck again…
Date: July 2003
Victims: John and Helen Crouch of New South Wales
Attack! During a vacation in Monto, the site of the previous attack, the Crouches were standing outside their motor home when a huge kangaroo seemingly appeared out of nowhere and pounced on Helen. It gouged her on the face, back, and groin (kangaroos have stout, sharp claws on both their front and back legs) before John was able to get the animal off her. Then the kangaroo turned on him. “It was kill or be killed,” said John. He grabbed an axe and struck the kangaroo several times before finally killing it. Authorities believe it was the same animal that had attacked the Lawsons. It was probably driven by hunger because the area was suffering a severe drought.
----
75% of all men’s underwear is purchased by women .
----
Date: July 18, 2008
Victim: Rosemary Neal, 65, of Mudgee, New South Wales
Attack! As Neal was walking through a horse pasture on her farm about 160 miles northeast of Sydney, a 6 ½-foot-tall kangaroo “just jumped up and launched straight at her,” according to her son, Darren. The Neals’ dog was able to chase the kangaroo off, but not before Rosemary suffered extensive cuts as well as a concussion. The attack brought a heated response from residents of the area, who called for the police to find and kill the offending ’roo. “How do you propose we do that?” Mudgee Police Inspector Greg Spinks asked. “By doing some kind of kangaroo lineup?” A hunt for the animal was not attempted.
Date: July 3, 2004
Victim: Christine Canham of Canberra, New South Wales
Attack! Canham was watching her four dogs swim in a pond in a city park one day when a large kangaroo appeared on the shore. Then it jumped into the water, swam up to one of her Golden Retrievers (kangaroos are excellent swimmers), and, as Canham watched in horror from the shore, held the dog underwater until it was dead. “The kangaroo just stared back at us,” Canham told the Canberra Times . “I will never forget that.” Surprisingly, reports of kangaroos trying to drown dogs and other perceived predators are not uncommon.
“You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you’ll have to run much faster.”
—Lewis Carroll
----
1st U.S. church to open a fast-food franchise: True Bethel Baptist Church in NY. (It was a Subway.)
----
YOU’RE SICK? I’M SICK!
What do you call a panic that causes an imagined illness to spread over a population? Mass hysteria .
T HE SWEET SMELL OF PANIC
In 2009 a worker sprayed herself with perfume at the Bank of America corporate office in Fort Worth, Texas. Apparently, two people nearby were allergic to it, reported feeling dizzy, and went home. Soon after, a public-address announcement instructed that any worker who was also feeling dizzy should go outside for some fresh air. Within a few hours, more than 140 people reported feeling ill, with symptoms including dizziness,
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