saw the look of humiliation before I could hide my embarrassment. And then he laughed again. “Holy shit, you actually want him to take advantage of you!” It was an accusation and he knew laughing at me would piss me off even more.
I love my brother, I do, and I know he would rather bite his own tongue than say something out of anger that would hurt me. However… we were brother and sister and if we knew we could get a rise out of the other, we rarely passed on the opportunity.
“Shut up! I do not want to be taken advantage of.” The blush in my cheeks could have rivaled the damn sunset I was so red.
He was laughing and every time he looked at me he laughed harder. “Do you have any idea Carrie, any at all, how many mouths Chad Blake’s tongue has been in?” He spoke through his laughter, but at the sight of my horrified face, he started up all over again. “Don’t even think about what his dick has been in. Hell, his tongue has been in those spots too!”
“God, you’re so gross, Noah. Yes, I am aware of the Chad Blake make-out-a-thon, but sadly I am not in the lineup.”
“Well, thank God baby girl, because I couldn’t stand knowing that my best friend was defiling my sister.” Though he was still laughing, there was a hint of threat in his voice.
“Noah, I am not looking for a quickie, or to be one in the million or more that he has been with. I do however, like him, Noah. A lot. And I think he likes me too.” Jesus, last night and this morning I felt like he was respecting me, not building me up or playing some game.
“I don’t question if he likes you, Sissy. I know he does. Chad Blake doesn’t need an invitation, the women he sleeps with beg for it. The fact he’s taking the time to get to know you, makes me happy. All day at the shop he’s on that damn phone and it’s you he is talkin’ about. I just don’t want you to read more into it than there is. There is no way that you could process the sexual shit that Chad has gotten into.” He had become serious and pulled me into his arms. “You have never been with someone intimately who would take it easy, and love on you and never hurt you. I don’t want you to confuse what normal sexual attraction is for love and wind up hurt.”
He just spoke my deepest fears out loud. It was a testament to how profoundly we knew each other and how strong our bond was. At the risk of him tearing into me, I confided in him like I always do. “Noah, just because my sexual history is tainted and fucked up, doesn’t mean that I don’t desire a physical bond.” When I saw him cringe I hurried along, forcing him to listen. “You have to accept that I am an adult and not an imbecile. I want to experience this without a constant reminder of what Dad did and what he took from me. You have to accept that I may experience it all with Chad, and I may not. Either way, it’s my decision.”
“Just promise me that when you let someone love you that way, that they deserve you and that gift.”
I laughed uncomfortably. “Noah, I’m not a virgin. I don’t have a gift to give a guy, but I promise to be careful and protective of my heart and my body.”
“No, Carrie.” He said and pulled back to grip my shoulders and look me in the eye. “You may not be a virgin sexually, but you never gave yourself to someone willingly, you never let them have you as the gift. That gift is worth way more than some small piece of skin that rips in a split second.”
God, he was kind of gross, in a sweet, protective sort of way.
“God your blunt, Noah. I get it, ok? I won’t be stupid. Now can we please get ready for your gig? You have a meeting and practice and I need to look amazing because I am seeing you and Chad in all your awesomeness for the first time tonight.” I was excited about tonight. There was so much shit going on in our lives right now, I just wanted to live tonight and enjoy it.
“You know what to expect tonight, right?” He asked me, his eyes
I love my brother, I do, and I know he would rather bite his own tongue than say something out of anger that would hurt me. However… we were brother and sister and if we knew we could get a rise out of the other, we rarely passed on the opportunity.
“Shut up! I do not want to be taken advantage of.” The blush in my cheeks could have rivaled the damn sunset I was so red.
He was laughing and every time he looked at me he laughed harder. “Do you have any idea Carrie, any at all, how many mouths Chad Blake’s tongue has been in?” He spoke through his laughter, but at the sight of my horrified face, he started up all over again. “Don’t even think about what his dick has been in. Hell, his tongue has been in those spots too!”
“God, you’re so gross, Noah. Yes, I am aware of the Chad Blake make-out-a-thon, but sadly I am not in the lineup.”
“Well, thank God baby girl, because I couldn’t stand knowing that my best friend was defiling my sister.” Though he was still laughing, there was a hint of threat in his voice.
“Noah, I am not looking for a quickie, or to be one in the million or more that he has been with. I do however, like him, Noah. A lot. And I think he likes me too.” Jesus, last night and this morning I felt like he was respecting me, not building me up or playing some game.
“I don’t question if he likes you, Sissy. I know he does. Chad Blake doesn’t need an invitation, the women he sleeps with beg for it. The fact he’s taking the time to get to know you, makes me happy. All day at the shop he’s on that damn phone and it’s you he is talkin’ about. I just don’t want you to read more into it than there is. There is no way that you could process the sexual shit that Chad has gotten into.” He had become serious and pulled me into his arms. “You have never been with someone intimately who would take it easy, and love on you and never hurt you. I don’t want you to confuse what normal sexual attraction is for love and wind up hurt.”
He just spoke my deepest fears out loud. It was a testament to how profoundly we knew each other and how strong our bond was. At the risk of him tearing into me, I confided in him like I always do. “Noah, just because my sexual history is tainted and fucked up, doesn’t mean that I don’t desire a physical bond.” When I saw him cringe I hurried along, forcing him to listen. “You have to accept that I am an adult and not an imbecile. I want to experience this without a constant reminder of what Dad did and what he took from me. You have to accept that I may experience it all with Chad, and I may not. Either way, it’s my decision.”
“Just promise me that when you let someone love you that way, that they deserve you and that gift.”
I laughed uncomfortably. “Noah, I’m not a virgin. I don’t have a gift to give a guy, but I promise to be careful and protective of my heart and my body.”
“No, Carrie.” He said and pulled back to grip my shoulders and look me in the eye. “You may not be a virgin sexually, but you never gave yourself to someone willingly, you never let them have you as the gift. That gift is worth way more than some small piece of skin that rips in a split second.”
God, he was kind of gross, in a sweet, protective sort of way.
“God your blunt, Noah. I get it, ok? I won’t be stupid. Now can we please get ready for your gig? You have a meeting and practice and I need to look amazing because I am seeing you and Chad in all your awesomeness for the first time tonight.” I was excited about tonight. There was so much shit going on in our lives right now, I just wanted to live tonight and enjoy it.
“You know what to expect tonight, right?” He asked me, his eyes
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