road at a long distance to my left. A main road? This one will have to intersect it eventually, right?
I panic. Taking gulps of air to calm. I lower the window and get the stench of Ben out of my nose again.
Focus.
I only know a few things for sure.
I don’t have clothes or money.
I have a nearly full tank of gas. Thank God. And I’m not stopping until it’s out or I’m home.
This gives me a thought.
Ben said he’d been stalking me. Going to my home and waiting outside my building for me for months. I look around and could almost slap my head if it wasn’t still spinning. GPS. On the passenger side floor.
I pull over. I’m afraid of being spotted. Stopped. But I have to know where I am. How to get the hell out of here!
I plug it in and could scream waiting for the stupid screen to light up and go through its happy dancing logo before getting to a menu.
I look in the mirror again. I’m unrecognizable even to myself. My eyes are crazy. A small part of my brain says that I must be in shock, hysterical, looney, la la…
Finally! There it is. My address. Already typed in. Thanks, fucker!
Michiana. I’m close.
I breathe a little slower. Look around. No one in sight. I don’t know what time it is. His clock is broken. But I think it must be after midnight. Good. No one else on the road to see the crazy beaten up chic driving like a maniac.
I don’t know who Ben was or what he did. But I know small towns. I want out of here. I won’t be stopped by some friend of his. He said he had lots of friends.
I shake remembering how he said he would introduce me to them. Like we were a couple. Like I’d never be anything but his. He laughed, saying he wasn’t like Max. He liked to share his toys.
Well, screw you, Ben! I’ll run over any friend of yours I meet too! I won’t be stopped!
I put the car in drive and take off, fast. No stopping at lights or stop signs, only slowing down. The wheels a hum that fills my brain, makes the numbness a song. A crazy ass song.
Chapter 25 HIM
I keep my distance. I can hardly look at Jake. I can feel my blood boiling at just the thought of him being here, with her. Alone. Behind my back. I need to take a moment to get over these thoughts. I need to see past this, somehow. “Jake.” I don’t know where to begin.
He does. “I’m sorry, Max. I messed up. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for keeping anything from you. I…I only wanted to help.” He’s obviously been waiting to say all this, waiting to be alone with me. It’s an avalanche of apologies.
I know he’s sorry. I know he only thought he was helping. I’ve had enough time to think about this. But I still clench my fists and jaw at the reminder of Lucy keeping a secret from me. I let another deep sigh out.
“I know you did.” His look of relief is almost comical. But I’m not letting him off the hook. “But you interfered in my marriage, Jake. I can’t let that stand. I can’t…” I swallow. Anger peaking. Pain plummeting into my stomach. “I know you were trying to help Lucy. But you only confused her more. You added your own confusion over how we were raised…that wouldn’t have helped her to come to terms with me, with us.”
“I know…I know that now.”
“You may not like it, brother. But Lucy is mine. And I won’t allow you to interfere again.” I feel better talking about a time when Lucy is with me again. I can almost pretend that she’s in our bedroom, crying after a good beating for her secrets. This is one of the thoughts I’ve been able to hold onto the longest, a fantasy that I can imagine even with a room full of people.
Jake’s eyes spark at this, but his voice remains apologetic, “I won’t try again. I…” He shrugs. “I get it…I guess…I talked to Dad.” I nod. “But I already knew what he’d say. The same thing he’s always said…that it was all for our own good. He talked about loving Mom, us. About how I didn’t remember how…how bad she was to
I panic. Taking gulps of air to calm. I lower the window and get the stench of Ben out of my nose again.
Focus.
I only know a few things for sure.
I don’t have clothes or money.
I have a nearly full tank of gas. Thank God. And I’m not stopping until it’s out or I’m home.
This gives me a thought.
Ben said he’d been stalking me. Going to my home and waiting outside my building for me for months. I look around and could almost slap my head if it wasn’t still spinning. GPS. On the passenger side floor.
I pull over. I’m afraid of being spotted. Stopped. But I have to know where I am. How to get the hell out of here!
I plug it in and could scream waiting for the stupid screen to light up and go through its happy dancing logo before getting to a menu.
I look in the mirror again. I’m unrecognizable even to myself. My eyes are crazy. A small part of my brain says that I must be in shock, hysterical, looney, la la…
Finally! There it is. My address. Already typed in. Thanks, fucker!
Michiana. I’m close.
I breathe a little slower. Look around. No one in sight. I don’t know what time it is. His clock is broken. But I think it must be after midnight. Good. No one else on the road to see the crazy beaten up chic driving like a maniac.
I don’t know who Ben was or what he did. But I know small towns. I want out of here. I won’t be stopped by some friend of his. He said he had lots of friends.
I shake remembering how he said he would introduce me to them. Like we were a couple. Like I’d never be anything but his. He laughed, saying he wasn’t like Max. He liked to share his toys.
Well, screw you, Ben! I’ll run over any friend of yours I meet too! I won’t be stopped!
I put the car in drive and take off, fast. No stopping at lights or stop signs, only slowing down. The wheels a hum that fills my brain, makes the numbness a song. A crazy ass song.
Chapter 25 HIM
I keep my distance. I can hardly look at Jake. I can feel my blood boiling at just the thought of him being here, with her. Alone. Behind my back. I need to take a moment to get over these thoughts. I need to see past this, somehow. “Jake.” I don’t know where to begin.
He does. “I’m sorry, Max. I messed up. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for keeping anything from you. I…I only wanted to help.” He’s obviously been waiting to say all this, waiting to be alone with me. It’s an avalanche of apologies.
I know he’s sorry. I know he only thought he was helping. I’ve had enough time to think about this. But I still clench my fists and jaw at the reminder of Lucy keeping a secret from me. I let another deep sigh out.
“I know you did.” His look of relief is almost comical. But I’m not letting him off the hook. “But you interfered in my marriage, Jake. I can’t let that stand. I can’t…” I swallow. Anger peaking. Pain plummeting into my stomach. “I know you were trying to help Lucy. But you only confused her more. You added your own confusion over how we were raised…that wouldn’t have helped her to come to terms with me, with us.”
“I know…I know that now.”
“You may not like it, brother. But Lucy is mine. And I won’t allow you to interfere again.” I feel better talking about a time when Lucy is with me again. I can almost pretend that she’s in our bedroom, crying after a good beating for her secrets. This is one of the thoughts I’ve been able to hold onto the longest, a fantasy that I can imagine even with a room full of people.
Jake’s eyes spark at this, but his voice remains apologetic, “I won’t try again. I…” He shrugs. “I get it…I guess…I talked to Dad.” I nod. “But I already knew what he’d say. The same thing he’s always said…that it was all for our own good. He talked about loving Mom, us. About how I didn’t remember how…how bad she was to
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