You let a
bunch of namby-pamby girls take you down. I ought to take a giant shit on you!” he
mumbles to himself between coughs and dry heaves.
Yep, that’s my father-in-law. Leave it to him to quote Full Metal Jacket at a time like this. As soon as I can feel my face again and see out of my eyes,
he’s going to explain this whole mess to me.
“1-2-3-4 I LOVE THE MARINE CORPS!”
Well, maybe after the mace is gone from his system. I think it’s affecting him worse
than it is us girls.
“SON OF A BITCH, LIZ! Will you let go of my hair? It was an accident,” Claire yells
from behind me. “And I can hear you calling me a dumb fuck whore. I may be blind
but I can still hear!”
“Then hear this, you dumb fuck whore! Sleep with one eye open. When I can see again,
I will straight up shank you with a whittled down stiletto,” Liz threatens with her
eyes squeezed shut as she crazily swings her arms around trying to reach Claire, who
managed to escape from her clutches, drop to the ground, and crawl away.
Alright, so maybe everyone has ingested a bit too much mace .
Chapter 11 – Womb Hugging and Penis Loving
“YOU DID WHAT?!”
I wince at the sound of Jenny’s screech as she throws the cold, wet towel off of her
eyes and glares at me.
I can’t help it. I laugh. She looks like she has hickies all around her eyes. They
are puffy and red and right now it’s really hard to look right at her.
“Look at me when I’m talking to you!”
Shit.
I actually do feel really bad that she was maced. She looks like hell and I’m sure
it doesn’t feel that great.
When I had got a phone call from some person named Doctor Madison telling me she received
a text from my wife saying, “I pooped on the police and killed an ambulance. Bring
handcuffs,” I was a little confused, albeit intrigued. Who was I to judge my wife’s
kinkiness? I called Jenny right away and could only hear screaming and crying in
the background and something about her eyes melting. When I got to the scene, my
father was curled up in the fetal position in the parking lot where he crawled as
far away from the girls as he could. He made me promise that I would keep Liz at
least ten to twenty feet away from him at all times because she threatened to dig
out his eyes with her belt buckle and he really thought she’d do it.
After getting my dad, Liz, and Claire home, I admitted to Jenny in the car about hiring
my dad to follow her. I had figured it was safer that way. She wouldn’t kill me
while she was half blind and I was driving. She had ignored me the rest of the way
home.
Now we are here, and she is only a few feet away from a kitchen full of sharp objects.
“You’re telling me, you thought I was FAKING A WORK INJURY and you had your dad follow
me? I thought I had some crazy stalker tailing me all day and he was going to induct
me.”
Yep, full on laughing right now. There’s no hope for me. I’ve already accepted my
fate of sleeping on the couch for the rest of eternity.
“Was this stalker going to induct you into the Stupid Crime Stoppers Hall of Fame?”
Jenny grabs the wet towel from the couch and re-covers her eyes, resting her head
on the back of the couch.
“I can’t even look at you right now I’m so angry. Why in the hell would you think
I was faking an injury and trying to cheat Claire out of money? And your father?
Really? You actually hired your insane father to follow me around? Did you see what
he was wearing? Full on camouflage, a hat with branches glued to the top of it, and
leaves painted all over his face. That is not normal, Drew.”
Would now be a bad time to point out that all three women were dressed as slutty burglars?
I shrug even though she can’t see me. “What can I say, he really gets into his work.
And he said to tell you he was sorry.”
She doesn’t say a
bunch of namby-pamby girls take you down. I ought to take a giant shit on you!” he
mumbles to himself between coughs and dry heaves.
Yep, that’s my father-in-law. Leave it to him to quote Full Metal Jacket at a time like this. As soon as I can feel my face again and see out of my eyes,
he’s going to explain this whole mess to me.
“1-2-3-4 I LOVE THE MARINE CORPS!”
Well, maybe after the mace is gone from his system. I think it’s affecting him worse
than it is us girls.
“SON OF A BITCH, LIZ! Will you let go of my hair? It was an accident,” Claire yells
from behind me. “And I can hear you calling me a dumb fuck whore. I may be blind
but I can still hear!”
“Then hear this, you dumb fuck whore! Sleep with one eye open. When I can see again,
I will straight up shank you with a whittled down stiletto,” Liz threatens with her
eyes squeezed shut as she crazily swings her arms around trying to reach Claire, who
managed to escape from her clutches, drop to the ground, and crawl away.
Alright, so maybe everyone has ingested a bit too much mace .
Chapter 11 – Womb Hugging and Penis Loving
“YOU DID WHAT?!”
I wince at the sound of Jenny’s screech as she throws the cold, wet towel off of her
eyes and glares at me.
I can’t help it. I laugh. She looks like she has hickies all around her eyes. They
are puffy and red and right now it’s really hard to look right at her.
“Look at me when I’m talking to you!”
Shit.
I actually do feel really bad that she was maced. She looks like hell and I’m sure
it doesn’t feel that great.
When I had got a phone call from some person named Doctor Madison telling me she received
a text from my wife saying, “I pooped on the police and killed an ambulance. Bring
handcuffs,” I was a little confused, albeit intrigued. Who was I to judge my wife’s
kinkiness? I called Jenny right away and could only hear screaming and crying in
the background and something about her eyes melting. When I got to the scene, my
father was curled up in the fetal position in the parking lot where he crawled as
far away from the girls as he could. He made me promise that I would keep Liz at
least ten to twenty feet away from him at all times because she threatened to dig
out his eyes with her belt buckle and he really thought she’d do it.
After getting my dad, Liz, and Claire home, I admitted to Jenny in the car about hiring
my dad to follow her. I had figured it was safer that way. She wouldn’t kill me
while she was half blind and I was driving. She had ignored me the rest of the way
home.
Now we are here, and she is only a few feet away from a kitchen full of sharp objects.
“You’re telling me, you thought I was FAKING A WORK INJURY and you had your dad follow
me? I thought I had some crazy stalker tailing me all day and he was going to induct
me.”
Yep, full on laughing right now. There’s no hope for me. I’ve already accepted my
fate of sleeping on the couch for the rest of eternity.
“Was this stalker going to induct you into the Stupid Crime Stoppers Hall of Fame?”
Jenny grabs the wet towel from the couch and re-covers her eyes, resting her head
on the back of the couch.
“I can’t even look at you right now I’m so angry. Why in the hell would you think
I was faking an injury and trying to cheat Claire out of money? And your father?
Really? You actually hired your insane father to follow me around? Did you see what
he was wearing? Full on camouflage, a hat with branches glued to the top of it, and
leaves painted all over his face. That is not normal, Drew.”
Would now be a bad time to point out that all three women were dressed as slutty burglars?
I shrug even though she can’t see me. “What can I say, he really gets into his work.
And he said to tell you he was sorry.”
She doesn’t say a
Similar Books
