guess.” She points under my arm to the dresser. “You could put a diaper-changing pad on that if you want. Or just use the bed. We used the bed for Jersey ’til he took a massive shit in it one day. Holy stinky radioactive green goo alert. After that we got a diaper changing pad. They have plastic covers so they’re way easier to clean.” She’s still chuckling as she moves down the hall.
I finally step into the room, almost thinking the whole decor and furniture thing will fade away into nothingness as my hallucination disintegrates.
But no, it’s still there even when I’m all the way inside. I reach out and touch the nearest wall. The pink. The baby furniture. It’s all real. My eyes fill with tears.
I wander over and sit down on the edge of the bed, letting the sadness come. It wasn’t supposed to be near-strangers being kind to me. It was supposed to be the boy I loved. The boy I trusted. The golden boy who was going to be the center of my universe for the rest of my life.
Teagan finds me in the room a couple minutes later and sits down next to me. “Do you hate pink? I’m not a fan of it either, but we figured with the baby…”
I shake my head and wave her concerns away with a few flicks of my hand. “No, no, it’s not that. I love pink.”
Quin appears in the entrance of the room. “She freakin’?”
“Yeah, but I’m not sure what about.”
I shake my head, afraid I won’t be able to speak properly. But I have to try because they deserve some sort of explanation. “It’s just … overwhelming. I thought … I thought …”
“You thought what? That we’d blow you off?” Teagan supplies.
“No.” I shake my head vigorously. “I know you guys wouldn’t do that.”
“Then what? What’s so upsetting that you’d sit in this glorious pink room and cry? Hell, it’s like a fairy queen ate too much cotton candy and then vomited all over the place. What could be prettier, I’d like to know.” Quin comes in and sits on the other side of me, putting her arm around me.
I can’t help it. I rest my head on her shoulder. “I just thought it would be someone else doing it for me, that’s all.”
“Your boyfriend?” Teagan answers.
I laugh. It’s not a pretty sound. Picturing Charlie being kind like this makes me feel like I just swallowed a mason jar of acid. “Yeah, right. God. No. Don’t even say that.”
Quin pats me on the head awkwardly as my tears drip all over her shirt. “Sounds like a real piece of shit, that guy.”
I nod, saying nothing else. It feels good to share a little bit of my secret like this. What’s the harm in saying he was a jerk? It’s not like they know who it is.
“What’s his name?” Teagan asks. “Anyone we know?”
Her words yank me out of my foggy haze. All this pink … it made me drop my guard. What was I thinking? “No. No one you know.” I stand up and smear the tears off my face with the palms of my hands. “Oh, man. I’m a total mess of hormones right now.” I plaster a fake grin on my face. “Are there any towels unpacked yet? I need to wash my face.”
Quin and Teagan exchange a look. I’m expecting the third degree to start happening but instead Teagan just points. “Bathroom in the middle of the hall has everything you should need.”
“Great. Thanks so much.” I rush over to kiss them both on the cheek before beating it out of there.
Once inside the bathroom, I lock the door and lean against it. I’m breathing like I just ran a marathon, and I feel like I just escaped something really awful. It makes me wonder when I’ll ever feel free again instead of like a prisoner.
I take my time getting cleaned up and coming back out into the main part of the house. I’m relieved to find that everyone is too busy moving furniture to pay me any mind.
About an hour
I finally step into the room, almost thinking the whole decor and furniture thing will fade away into nothingness as my hallucination disintegrates.
But no, it’s still there even when I’m all the way inside. I reach out and touch the nearest wall. The pink. The baby furniture. It’s all real. My eyes fill with tears.
I wander over and sit down on the edge of the bed, letting the sadness come. It wasn’t supposed to be near-strangers being kind to me. It was supposed to be the boy I loved. The boy I trusted. The golden boy who was going to be the center of my universe for the rest of my life.
Teagan finds me in the room a couple minutes later and sits down next to me. “Do you hate pink? I’m not a fan of it either, but we figured with the baby…”
I shake my head and wave her concerns away with a few flicks of my hand. “No, no, it’s not that. I love pink.”
Quin appears in the entrance of the room. “She freakin’?”
“Yeah, but I’m not sure what about.”
I shake my head, afraid I won’t be able to speak properly. But I have to try because they deserve some sort of explanation. “It’s just … overwhelming. I thought … I thought …”
“You thought what? That we’d blow you off?” Teagan supplies.
“No.” I shake my head vigorously. “I know you guys wouldn’t do that.”
“Then what? What’s so upsetting that you’d sit in this glorious pink room and cry? Hell, it’s like a fairy queen ate too much cotton candy and then vomited all over the place. What could be prettier, I’d like to know.” Quin comes in and sits on the other side of me, putting her arm around me.
I can’t help it. I rest my head on her shoulder. “I just thought it would be someone else doing it for me, that’s all.”
“Your boyfriend?” Teagan answers.
I laugh. It’s not a pretty sound. Picturing Charlie being kind like this makes me feel like I just swallowed a mason jar of acid. “Yeah, right. God. No. Don’t even say that.”
Quin pats me on the head awkwardly as my tears drip all over her shirt. “Sounds like a real piece of shit, that guy.”
I nod, saying nothing else. It feels good to share a little bit of my secret like this. What’s the harm in saying he was a jerk? It’s not like they know who it is.
“What’s his name?” Teagan asks. “Anyone we know?”
Her words yank me out of my foggy haze. All this pink … it made me drop my guard. What was I thinking? “No. No one you know.” I stand up and smear the tears off my face with the palms of my hands. “Oh, man. I’m a total mess of hormones right now.” I plaster a fake grin on my face. “Are there any towels unpacked yet? I need to wash my face.”
Quin and Teagan exchange a look. I’m expecting the third degree to start happening but instead Teagan just points. “Bathroom in the middle of the hall has everything you should need.”
“Great. Thanks so much.” I rush over to kiss them both on the cheek before beating it out of there.
Once inside the bathroom, I lock the door and lean against it. I’m breathing like I just ran a marathon, and I feel like I just escaped something really awful. It makes me wonder when I’ll ever feel free again instead of like a prisoner.
I take my time getting cleaned up and coming back out into the main part of the house. I’m relieved to find that everyone is too busy moving furniture to pay me any mind.
About an hour
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