Tragic Desires by A.M. Hargrove

He looks at me and I tell him to end the call. When he does, I explain all of this to him.
    “We were just discussing that.”
    “Is Colt trustworthy?” I have to know this.
    “Yeah. I can’t say the same for the rest of his men, but he is.”
    “Can’t his calls be traced?”
    “What are you getting at?”
    “If the CIA is looking for me, wouldn’t they be tapping into his stuff?”
    “He didn’t tell them he had you.”
    “What about the other men ?” I know I’m paranoid, but I can’t help it. “And this Jeff guy. It all seems too easy.”
    Drexel looks at me squarely. “I can understand why you’d say that. And yeah, it does seem easy. But it came at a steep price a few years ago.” He stops and looks like he’s muddling through some things in his mind. He finally says, “Jeff, Colt and I served together on a task force in the Middle East. I trust them with my life. Therefore, you can trust them as well. Do you follow me here?”
    “Yeah, I do.” If it was good enough for him, it was good enough for me.
    “So, now we’re back to square one in trying to figure out what this key unlocks. Did your mom have any favorite places she liked to visit? Vacation spots? Things of that nature?”
    “Yeah, we’d go to Panama City, Florida , a lot. She always wanted to be where there were crowds.”
    “Anything closer?”
    “San Antonio and Austin. She loved the River Walk in San Antonio. Even though it was touristy, she liked that kind of thing. I used to think she was nuts, but now I guess she felt like she could melt into the crowds and feel safe. She also liked going to the zoo in Austin. And UT football games.”
    “All big , crowded events. Try to think if she would’ve left you clues anywhere too. Was there anywhere in particular you would stop when you’d visit those places?”
    I scoot my butt to the edge of the sofa and drop my head into my hands. He’s there, right in front of me, asking me if I’m okay.
    “That’s a question I’m not sure I can answer.”
    “I meant physically.”
    “I’m sick, Drex.”
    He gives me a lopsided smile.
    “What?”
    “Only my close friends call me that.”
    “Sorry. I ran out of energy to say your whole name.”
    “I wasn’t chastising you. I was letting you know it’s okay for you to call me that.”
    “I’m afraid to read that letter. I don’t know if I want to know what it says.”
    He takes my hands and says, “I can read it for you. And then if it’s bad, I’ll let you know. You need to know what’s in it, Gemini.”
    He’s right. Why does he always have to be right? “You would do that for me?”
    “Yeah. Finding out what’s in there is paramount to your safety.”
    I fumble through the pile of papers and hand him the letter. He gently opens the envelope and I watch his face as he reads it. He gives nothing away. Then he lifts his head and asks, “Are you ready?”
    “You tell me because I don’t know.” My hands are clenched together and he pries them apart.
    “Gemini, knowledge is your best defense. One thing is clear. Your mother loved you more than anything.”
    “Read it to me,” I say.
     
    My dear sweet Gemini,
     
    If you’re reading this, it means I’m no longer living and for that I can only say I’m sorry because there are so many things I wanted to tell you myself. You were so young and there was so much to say. I had intended to tell you everything when you turned twenty-one. But since that day never came for me, I wrote it all down here so you would learn the truth from me, and not the lies that I’m sure others are trying to convince you are true.
    Let me start at the beginning. By now you’ve learned a few things about yourself, namely that your birth name is Amira Assaf. When I was eighteen, I moved to New York City to pursue a career in modeling. It wasn’t as easy as I was led to believe. The money wasn’t there so I was forced to earn it through other means. I know you will think terrible things of