Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me by Ben Karlin

was kind of . . . sort of intense for that period. But she was in New York.
JESSICA: She was in New York for all of the time?
RODNEY: She was in Brooklyn, and I met someone in L.A. and was hanging out with them a little . . . like not dating them or anything . . . like just seeing them at parties or getting a drink every now and again, and I was kind of interested . . . and I felt I had to choose between . . .
JESSICA: So then you guys split up then.
RODNEY: Yeah, it was . . . we split up, but it was . . . I don’t know. It was not a good scene.
JESSICA: What happened to the girl that was in L.A.?
RODNEY: Well, we hung out a little bit. It was cool. It was also kind of a little weird [ stammers ]. It was just like . . . it was kind of pretty low-key. But [then] I had to go away for a few months for a job.
JESSICA: Do you want to be married?
RODNEY: I do, actually. I am kind of into it.
JESSICA: How much on a scale of one to ten?
RODNEY: [ Laughs ] Ummm, gosh. I don’t know, like seven or eight . . . I wanna be, like, in a relationship that is like a good marriage. I don’t necessarily need a label, but I wouldn’t necessarily be against it. What about you?
JESSICA: I don’t need a label either. But, yeah, I am definitely into it. I am at about ten.
RODNEY: Really.
JESSICA: Absolutely. Uh-hmm. But I also really want children. And there’s a little more pressure for me to get started.
RODNEY: Right.
JESSICA: Yeah [ stammers ], I am absolutely at a ten. But I have come this far, so I will wait until it’s right, you know? But yeah, I am at a ten. [ Pauses ] It’s funny revealing so many things in my life [to you].
RODNEY: Do you feel like you’re talking to me or just taking to some random . . . ?
JESSICA: I . . . yeah . . . it’s weird. Like I feel like I am talking to you, but at the same time . . . I like talking about myself, but I would never talk about myself this much . . . in a row.
RODNEY: This is the longest conversation we have ever had.
JESSICA: By far. I think you are right. I forgot the question.
RODNEY: I am not sure there even was one.
JESSICA: I don’t know, but . . . I remember now. No, I feel like I am talking to you. It’s comfortable but a little funny at the same time.
RODNEY: Yeah.
JESSICA: When it . . . when we see each other again it will be like, “Was that you on the phone?”
RODNEY: [ Laughs ] This is something I wanted to ask you before, and I forgot. But I want to see if you remember this. Do you remember . . . I don’t know . . . like five or six or seven years ago, Ross Venokur used to have these parties after Thanksgiving and people would go over to his house . . . and we would all hang out there? Do you remember this at all?
JESSICA: Yes, I do remember. Not very well.
RODNEY: You came to the party with your sister. We were like twenty-five. I was superpsyched ’cause I still had a crush on you, and . . . I became a twelve-year-old. Then I didn’t talk to you like . . . the whole time you were there. I wanted to play it cool. So I didn’t talk to you. And then my memory is that you left the party with Peter and a couple of people. Then Peter called me and told me you were upset and crying [because] I didn’t talk to you.
JESSICA: I remember this. This is great. I can’t believe . . . I remember that . . . yeah, you’re right. I remember that. That’s true.
RODNEY: What was that all about?
JESSICA: I think that was more that I am definitely a sensitive person. I felt really rejected. Rejected isn’t the right word, it’s . . . I felt really bad, I guess. It’s like someone . . . I felt you understood me, so then [when you didn’t talk to me], it made me feel bad. So, yeah, I was really upset.
RODNEY: Yeah, I was really upset when I heard that. I was shocked. Because I think that . . . I think by then I had fully accepted that you just saw me as Samantha’s brother and I was surprised and confused that you would have that reaction, and then I remember calling you up and I