Things I Know About Love by Kate Le Vann Page B

the back of Jeff’s elbow. “Look after yourselves.” Then Jeff headed back to the party.
    “Maybe I should stay with him,” I said to Adam.
    “No,” Adam said.
    “But he was on his own.”
    “She won’t dance all night.”
    “Yeah, but, it just seemed like…”
    “I don’t know Jeff the way you do, but I know blokes pretty well,” Adam said. “If he and Krystina are having some kind of…anything…he’s going to be really embarrassed having his little sister around to see it.”
    “But we’re not really just brother and sister, we’re more like mates,” I said.
    “It doesn’t really work like that,” Adam said. “Your sister’s your sister. I’m not saying you’re not as close as friends, it’s better than that. But there are things you don’t want your sister around for, even when you’re close to her.”
    “What do you mean, ‘things’?” I asked. “What do you think’s going on?”
    “Nothing. I don’t know anything about it—whether it’s nothing or not nothing—I just think we should leave them to it.”
    “What is this ‘it’ you keep talking about? How can ‘it’ be nothing? You seem to know what ‘it’ it is you’re talking about.”
    Adam chuckled.
    “Do I sound crazy?” I said.
    “A tiny bit,” he said, putting his finger and thumb a centimeter apart.
    “I’m just worried,” I said, finally smiling and bumping him with my shoulder.
    Adam turned and leaned down to kiss me without holding me. I kissed him back, and we were just reaching towards each other, our lips together. It was a pretty way to kiss, although part of me was hoping he’d scoop my waist towards him and crush me with his arms.
    “So let’s go,” I said.
    “Back to yours?”
    “What about that alternative plan you mentioned yesterday, your brother’s balcony? The shooting stars?” I said. “Unless he’s using it?”
    “No, he’s in Philadelphia tonight,” Adam said. “Seeing his new girlfriend.” He paused. “Does that change things? I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”
    “No, it doesn’t,” I said. But his question, even though it hadn’t sounded creepy at all, had thrown up a load of all-new fears for me.
    They were:
1.
 
Had Adam noticed how freaked out Jeff seemed to be when I merely told him I needed to sit down? Like, bringing me water and asking if I was okay. Will Adam ask if something is wrong and should I tell him the truth?
 
2.
 
If I’m going to Adam’s brother’s apartment and Dougie isn’t there, will he be hoping I’ll have sex with him? Should I explain I’m a virgin? Should I explain that I’m a virgin because I spent a lot of time in hospital and wasn’t allowed to go out, and it’s not because I’m frigid? Or should I blame it on “heartbreak” after Luke, or is it bad to mention the last boy to the present boy? Or will he not mind that I’m a virgin? I genuinely don’t know whether boys are supposed to like that or not now. Seventeen is not all that old to be a virgin. Boo and Pritti are still virgins. But Adam’s twenty-one and he won’t be.
 
3.
 
If, for the purposes of fear 1 or fear 2, I mention my illness to Adam, will he be completely repulsed by my near-deathliness and change his mind about all of it, not just sex, but…me?
 
4.
 
If I did decide to have sex—which is unlikely—and he still wanted to have sex with me—which is unlikely after all the explanations—how would I get past the real problem—not that I’m a virgin, but that I’ve never come anywhere close to having sex, would have no idea how to go about doing it, and would be terrible at it?
 
5.
 
I really hope Jeff is okay.
    “What are you thinking?” Adam said.

blogplace: Inside Adam
    AUGUST 3
    SO, Miss Livia Stowe has left the building.
    And I can’t think of a single thing to say.
    Just, bloody hell.

august 3: part 2
    I just took a break from typing and made myself some toast, terrified of waking Jeff up when it p’toing e d