Things I Know About Love by Kate Le Vann

and…”
    “No, of course not! Well, ask Adam if he wants to go when you next see him.”
    I met Adam later for lunch at a sushi bar. Out of nowhere, when I saw him standing outside, waiting for me, I felt a stab of fear that made me want to run away. Yesterday in New York had been so perfect, but what if it had meant more to me than him? It was possible that everything I’d thought about since yesterday, all the daydreams of him meeting my friends, that it was all me getting carried away, summer madness. Holiday romance. Maybe it hadn’t been the same for him. Maybe he hadn’t even pretended it had, and I’d only heard what I wanted to hear. In this moment, when I was a few seconds away from finding out how he’d start talking to me today, and whether everything would be fine, I suddenly felt cold and alone. I wanted a backup plan and more time to make sure of what I’d been feeling all morning. I wanted the confidence back. Adam just smiled his little half-smile and didn’t say anything at first. He came up to me and held out his hand, and when I took it, he kissed me…just a tiny kiss, but somehow it said what I needed to hear. And everything was okay.
    “You look really pretty,” he said, and touched my back lightly as he let me go into the sushi bar in front of him.
    The Japanese owner of the bar was comically bossy and made fun of our English accents.
    “You’re English, yes? I bet you like your sushi cooked well done,” he said, and laughed loudly. “Maybe you’d like it boiled?” His chef, who was slicing the salmon, rolled his eyes and grinned at us.
    “Krystina’s asked us if we fancy going to a party tomorrow at the Butler Apartments,” I said to Adam, snapping my chopsticks in two. “What do you think?”
    “Well, yeah, those parties are supposed to be great fun,” Adam said, nodding. “But I won’t know many people there. Would Jeff be going?”
    “Yeah.”
    “We could have a good time, then,” Adam said. “And I’m free and I’d like to see you, so yes.” I realized that I was almost disappointed, because it would mean an evening out with him that wasn’t really all about us, that we couldn’t make up as we went along. Adam looked at me. “What’s up? Don’t you want to go?”
    “I’m not so great at parties when I don’t know many people there.”
    “You don’t have to be great at parties. You’ll know me and Jeff. And Krystina. I’m sure Kyle’ll pop up, and he’s a laugh a minute.”
    I hit his arm with the back of my hand. “Oi.”
    “We don’t have to go,” Adam said. “I said yes because I thought it was what you wanted. But I don’t mind either way. If you’d prefer, you and I can sit outside on Dougie’s balcony and watch for shooting stars.” As soon as he’d said it, I knew that was what I wanted to do. “Let’s go,” Adam said, apparently not reading my mind at all. “You need to know that parties aren’t scary. It’ll be fun.”

august 3
    It’s two weeks today since I came to America, and less than two weeks till I go, again. Adam just walked me home, and Jeff is asleep. I don’t know what happened to him after we left the party. I texted him to let him know I was going to stay over at Adam’s brother’s apartment, and he just texted back, OK . That is an awkward text to have to send to your brother. You have to keep it short. You can’t send something like: THAT DOESN’T MEAN ADAM AND I ARE GOING TO DO ANYTHING, YOU KNOW, WELL EVEN I DON’T KNOW BUT WELL OBVIOUSLY WE’RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING BUT NOT WHAT YOU THINK BECAUSE I’M DEFINITELY NOT READY FOR THAT YET BUT DON’T THINK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH EVEN THOUGH I AM .
    Yesterday was another soft, balmy night, and Krystina, Jeff, Adam, and I walked to the Butler party together. A few of the little aluminum apartments were completely open, and people were going in and out. There was dance music blaring out of a big sound system. In one apartment, the bathtub was full of ice, and