impossible anyway."
He stopped for a moment, trying to gauge the effect of his words on her, but he couldn't. "What we did had to be done, Vanna. If we hadn't done it, someone else would. It's not an excuse, it's a fact. We were thorough, making sure our targets were beyond our help before we took the decision to terminate them. Others weren't so particular. When we killed, our kills were quick and painless. I've only known one that wasn't, and that was when Kaid killed Chyad. Nothing will make me ashamed either of what I was or what I did in those days, Vanna. It's part of who and what I am." He fell silent, hoping she could understand.
She looked away from him and down at her clasped hands. The silence lengthened until he got to his feet. He felt numb inside and was grateful for it just now. Later the loss of her would hit him.
"Where are you going?" she asked sharply.
"I'm leaving," he said. "If what I was is more important than me, then obviously there's no point in my staying."
"I didn't say that."
"You don't need to, Vanna. I know when I'm not wanted." He turned toward the door but before he reached it, she got to her feet and grabbed hold of him.
"Don't go!" she said. "Don't leave me alone, Garras. I need you!" The previously unshed tears were now rolling silently down her face. Her hands reached out to clutch him, relaxing only when he wrapped his arms round her.
"Don't frighten me like that again, Vanna," he said, his voice muffled against her face as he held her close, letting her scent and the warmth of her body against his push back the fear of losing her. "I can't undo my past, it's made me what I am today. I've waited too long to find you."
"I know," she said. "So have I, Garras. You're what matters to me, nothing else. It was just such a shock ..."
"Enough," he said, nuzzling her ear. "We're still together."
CHAPTER 3
Kaid was off duty for a few hours. Returning to his room, he lay down on his bed hoping to catch up on some rest but he found his mind too active to allow him to sleep. Fragments of the God-Vision which had begun all this kept flitting through his thoughts. It had started when he'd heard the voice of Vartra telling him there was a pair in space, a Leska pair, who carried within them the key to the future.
Trying to recapture more of his vision, he let his mind roam back to that night. When the flashback came, it came suddenly and with as much force as the original vision.
He saw two figures— mere shadows within the temple— flames encompassing them as they tried to reach safety. Flying debris filled the air as the roof began to collapse. People were running everywhere, desperate to escape. The dancing flames picked out the two crouching figures, highlighting them briefly, then the images were gone, leaving him as shaken as when he'd experienced it the first time. Now, however, he knew without a doubt that the smaller figure had been the Human, Carrie.
What little the Brotherhood knew of the Cataclysm told them that it had been a time of fire— even the sky had been blazing according to their records: the records that were composed of the dreams and visions of former members from ancient times. Hardly a reliable source, but it was all they had. These records went on to say that after the firestorms, the earthquakes had come. Tidal waves from the coast had swept across the land, resculpturing it into new shapes. The thick, black clouds encircling their world had then released their burden of water onto the land below, destroying what little had remained of their civilization.
The dangers involved in the Fire Margins ritual were far greater than he'd thought possible if what he'd seen was true. Would Carrie and Kusac be subject to the dangers of the world he'd glimpsed? Could the Cataclysm destroy them as easily as it had destroyed so many Sholans over a thousand years ago? Was that why hardly anyone had survived the ritual?
What he'd read about it emphasized the fact that
He stopped for a moment, trying to gauge the effect of his words on her, but he couldn't. "What we did had to be done, Vanna. If we hadn't done it, someone else would. It's not an excuse, it's a fact. We were thorough, making sure our targets were beyond our help before we took the decision to terminate them. Others weren't so particular. When we killed, our kills were quick and painless. I've only known one that wasn't, and that was when Kaid killed Chyad. Nothing will make me ashamed either of what I was or what I did in those days, Vanna. It's part of who and what I am." He fell silent, hoping she could understand.
She looked away from him and down at her clasped hands. The silence lengthened until he got to his feet. He felt numb inside and was grateful for it just now. Later the loss of her would hit him.
"Where are you going?" she asked sharply.
"I'm leaving," he said. "If what I was is more important than me, then obviously there's no point in my staying."
"I didn't say that."
"You don't need to, Vanna. I know when I'm not wanted." He turned toward the door but before he reached it, she got to her feet and grabbed hold of him.
"Don't go!" she said. "Don't leave me alone, Garras. I need you!" The previously unshed tears were now rolling silently down her face. Her hands reached out to clutch him, relaxing only when he wrapped his arms round her.
"Don't frighten me like that again, Vanna," he said, his voice muffled against her face as he held her close, letting her scent and the warmth of her body against his push back the fear of losing her. "I can't undo my past, it's made me what I am today. I've waited too long to find you."
"I know," she said. "So have I, Garras. You're what matters to me, nothing else. It was just such a shock ..."
"Enough," he said, nuzzling her ear. "We're still together."
CHAPTER 3
Kaid was off duty for a few hours. Returning to his room, he lay down on his bed hoping to catch up on some rest but he found his mind too active to allow him to sleep. Fragments of the God-Vision which had begun all this kept flitting through his thoughts. It had started when he'd heard the voice of Vartra telling him there was a pair in space, a Leska pair, who carried within them the key to the future.
Trying to recapture more of his vision, he let his mind roam back to that night. When the flashback came, it came suddenly and with as much force as the original vision.
He saw two figures— mere shadows within the temple— flames encompassing them as they tried to reach safety. Flying debris filled the air as the roof began to collapse. People were running everywhere, desperate to escape. The dancing flames picked out the two crouching figures, highlighting them briefly, then the images were gone, leaving him as shaken as when he'd experienced it the first time. Now, however, he knew without a doubt that the smaller figure had been the Human, Carrie.
What little the Brotherhood knew of the Cataclysm told them that it had been a time of fire— even the sky had been blazing according to their records: the records that were composed of the dreams and visions of former members from ancient times. Hardly a reliable source, but it was all they had. These records went on to say that after the firestorms, the earthquakes had come. Tidal waves from the coast had swept across the land, resculpturing it into new shapes. The thick, black clouds encircling their world had then released their burden of water onto the land below, destroying what little had remained of their civilization.
The dangers involved in the Fire Margins ritual were far greater than he'd thought possible if what he'd seen was true. Would Carrie and Kusac be subject to the dangers of the world he'd glimpsed? Could the Cataclysm destroy them as easily as it had destroyed so many Sholans over a thousand years ago? Was that why hardly anyone had survived the ritual?
What he'd read about it emphasized the fact that
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