The Witch's Brew: A Collection of Hilarious Short Stories Starring the Wicked Witch of the West by Darrin Mason Page A

land. She thought back to when she and Wally first met. He was but a simple man peddling his wares around town while she was working as a chimney sweep. There was a woman he liked whose name was Mary Poppin’ Pimples, but all that pus became too much for him and he left the movie to try his luck elsewhere. He asked Wendy to go with him and she said yes. They caught a wave that took them over the rainbow to a land called Oz where they were soon feted as the new power couple around town. The munchkins bowed to their every whim and it wasn’t long before Wally had been promoted to the position of Wizard. Wendy was offered the position of the Good Witch but she came down with a severe case of hypochromic anemia that turned her skin a deep shade of green. She went into hiding, started hanging out with a group of flying monkeys, and returned hell bent on the destruction of anyone that had anything to do with her coming down with the disease that changed her life, and the color of her skin, forever.
    Just then, an instrumental rendition of Suicide is Painless started playing in the background and the helicopter landed. Two men jumped out and led Wendy to the helicopter. They went back for Wally’s body, picked it up, and threw it into the back of the helicopter with Wendy. It took off and headed for Korea where a dedicated team of surgeons were playing cards and drinking home-made gin, waiting patiently for the next round of wounded they would put back together so their government could send them right back out again. Sooner or later, these men that risked life and limb would run out of limbs. And they would also run out of life.
     
     
    CHAPTER FOUR
     
    T he helicopter approached the landing pad and Wendy watched as several men and women in white coats ran up the hill toward it. Soon it landed with a THUD and she was helped out by a young man that ushered her to a bus. A doctor came by and asked her if she was okay. She nodded. She looked at the doctor’s name badge. It read, ‘BJ Honey I Cut the Cheese’. The doctor checked the next person whose face was split open and it was covered with blood. Wendy looked around the bus which was full of wounded and dying and it made her sad. Another doctor whose name badge read ‘Hawke Can I Have this Drink with You’ was tending to a young man that was surely no more than sixteen years of age. His right arm was missing which Wendy guessed gave new meaning to the term ‘un-armed’.
    Suddenly a siren sounded and the war ended. Hawke Can I Have this Drink with You left the bus and climbed on board a helicopter that lifted off while BJ Honey I Cut the Cheese climbed on his motorbike and rode off. Hawke Can I Have this Drink with You saw that BJ had spelled out the word GOODBYE on the landing pad using big rocks. Hawke Can I Have this Drink with You smiled and the helicopter disappeared into the distance. Meanwhile, Fred Flint Stoned leaped out from behind a bush and clothes-lined BJ, causing him to do a double somersault off the back of his bike and land flat on his back on the ground. Fred dropped a series of elbows on BJ then climbed to the top turnbuckle with one of the rocks BJ had used to spell the word goodbye. He leaped through the air and smashed the rock into BJ’s face, splitting him wide open and causing a great deal of blood to be lost. Fred s houted at BJ to stay the hell away from the Bedrock quarry then grabbed the fallen doctor’s motorbike and rode it back to work where he was congratulated on a job well done. BJ, on the other hand, was left for dead; Hawke Can I Have this Drink with You was left oblivious to his friend’s bloody condition; and Wendy buried Wally somewhere in the hills of Korea then headed for the chocolate factory where Charlie had some time ago kicked the bucket. The brand had suffered since Charlie’s death and she was determined to make her friend’s line of chocolates number one once again. She would work hard to make sure it happened and she