The Whole World by Emily Winslow

corridor must have been empty by then; at least I hoped it would be.
    Her hair was wild. The light from the long-armed desk lamp made strange shadows that elongated one of her nipples. Everything that had urged me on had finished. I shouldn’t have done this .
    “I have a meeting, Liv,” I lied. “Richard’s expecting me.”
    “Isn’t it a little late?” She laughed nervously.
    “I meant to see Richard earlier, but you, uh, you distracted me.” Actually, I’d come only to collect my mail and Richard was the last person I’d wanted to see. He wouldn’t approve of what I’d got myself into with Polly. How could I possibly explain this?
    “Did I do it right?” she asked.
    I stopped breathing. She looked at me so hopefully. She was still bare. She was lovely and waiting.
    “I’ve never done that before. Was it okay?” she persisted.
    My fingers grazed the door handle.
    I exhaled the answer: “Yes,” I finally said. “It was very good. Thank you.”
    I got out the door.
    Stairs, then the whoosh of the outer doors sliding apart like in a grocery store. I sucked in the cool air outside.
    Knock, knock, knock . I looked up. She waved from her window. She had the sweater on now. I wonder how much of us had been visible, or audible, from outside.
    I waved back and ducked around to the front of “O” building. It was far too late to call on Richard, but I had to make a show of an appointment, for Liv’s sake. So she wouldn’t think I was escaping her.
    The walkway leading out to the street was in full view of her window, so I waited. She’d think Richard had let me in. I stood in the dark against a brick wall. My hands were cold. Somewhere along the way I’d lost my gloves. I’d had them on when I got to Magdalene, but later I’d put bare hands all over her.
    I sat on a bench, between the river and an alley with a locked iron gate.
    I hid there until I was sure she’d given up on me for the night.
    I showered for half an hour. I didn’t usually waste the Chanders’ hot water that way. Nothing about me was as usual, nothing. Polly had been right to run away from me. I evidently wasn’t to be trusted.
    I pressed my wet hair with a towel, then rubbed my face, hard. I had to be honest with Liv tomorrow, and early. I couldn’t let her think that this was the start of something.
    If she had a phone I would have called her then. Liv was the sort to tell all of her girlfriends, wasn’t she? I had an obligation to spare her the embarrassment of bragging and then being broken up with.
    Laughs pumped out of me: “ha—ha—ha!” I hadn’t even got her off. I’d got mine and got out. What would she brag about?
    But her face. She’d looked … grateful.
    A knock rattled my bedroom door. I wrapped myself in a dressing gown and opened it. There was Aashika. She’s eight.
    “You should be asleep,” I said.
    “I know,” she said. “But I made you something at school. I heard you in the shower and I waited.”
    She offered a carefully painted ceramic tortoise. She’s been studying Darwin and the Galapagos. The paint had glitter mixed in. She held it out with both hands, and I took it.
    That look on her face, so pleased and proud that I’d accepted her gift? Liv had looked just like that.
    I didn’t recognise her at first. She had on a skirt instead of jeans. The expression on her face was sweet. “Hi,” Liv said softly. I’d never heard her speak softly before.
    “You look nice,” I said, only to acknowledge the effort. She clasped her hands under her chin.
    Gretchen drummed her fingertips impatiently. I’d finally found Liv there, after missing her at Magdalene, and outside a lecture that had been rescheduled, in between appointments of my own.
    “I’m so happy to see you!” Liv said. “But I need to finish up here, and then I have an appointment with my supervisor….”
    “Back at Magdalene? I’ll walk you.” Perfect. There would be an end point to cut short her inevitable acrimony when I