myself. I was happy to see her on my wedding day, but I hoped that she wasn’t going to start any drama. I didn’t invite her for that very reason.
I looked at both of my friends, but they strategically looked everywhere else but me.
“ Ummm hi,” I said as she rose to her feet to meet me in the middle of the room.
“Hey Cam, can we go and talk privately?” She asked.
I gave her a once over and I noticed that she looked pretty healthy. She was looking a lot better than the last time that I saw her. She’d gained about 10 pounds, her hair was beautiful, and her skin was returning to its beautiful shade. I was a little impressed, but I wasn’t going to tell her that just yet. I motioned for her to follow me, and we went back to my room.
She closed the door behind us, and I looked at her expectantly.
“ First let me just say that I’m here to support you. I’m not here to cause you anymore hurt or pain,” she said.
“That’s good to know. Have a seat.” I pointed her towards the chase lounge, and I sat across from her on the bed.
Her hands clasped one another as if they were holding on for dear life. She sat on the edge of her seat and stared at me intently. She was waiting on a reaction from me, but I really didn’t know what to say. I was at the point where I was finally coming to terms with the fact that I may never see my mother again. I thought that the next time that I saw her, she would be dead. The reality of it hurt like hell, but I couldn’t live for her. She was in control of her own life, and I didn’t want to sit around waiting on her to care about herself. She was dealing with a lot of demons, and I had to release her for my own sanity.
“So what do you want to talk about?” I asked impatiently. All I could think about was the fact that the make-up and hair stylist had a lot of work to do on me. “How did you even get out here?”
“ Kyle contacted me and had me flown out here,” she said.
She inhaled deeply, “Camille, I’m so sorry for everything that I did to you and for everything that I didn’t do for you. I made a lot of bad decisions in my life, and I always blamed you for them. The truth is that you were the only reason that I’ve survived this long.”
I was stunned because my mother has never given me an apology in my entire life. She’s always justified her mistakes and projected her shortcomings on to me. She would blame me every time a man left her. When our lights or heat got cut off she would say it was my fault, and she blamed me for us living in the shelter as well. I’d internalized all of that which is why I felt obligated to take care of her. I felt guilty for being born and ruining her dreams of a better life. It was Marcus who taught me that she should have been taking care of me. But he also taught me to be loyal.
“ I don’t really know what to say mom,” I admitted.
“ No need to say anything Camille. I’m so proud of you. You’re 100 times the woman that I ever was, and I really wish that things could have been different,” she said.
I rolled my eyes and thought to myself, ‘I bet you do wish that, especially now that I’m marrying Kyle.’ I didn’t want to be closed off to her, but it’s hard to trust people’s intentions when money is involved. She was one of the meanest and selfish people that I’d ever met, so the change of heart was a little suspicious.
“You grew to be successful in spite of me and not because of me,” she continued, “I should have been a better mother to you, and I don’t blame you if you never want to see me again after today. I don’t want anything from you or your husband, I just wanted to be able to share this day with you. That is all Camille.” she said.
I fought back my tears and said the only thing that I could think of, “You look really good.”
She smiled, “Thank you. I went into rehab 4 months ago, and Kyle helped me get permission to come here.”
“ How
I looked at both of my friends, but they strategically looked everywhere else but me.
“ Ummm hi,” I said as she rose to her feet to meet me in the middle of the room.
“Hey Cam, can we go and talk privately?” She asked.
I gave her a once over and I noticed that she looked pretty healthy. She was looking a lot better than the last time that I saw her. She’d gained about 10 pounds, her hair was beautiful, and her skin was returning to its beautiful shade. I was a little impressed, but I wasn’t going to tell her that just yet. I motioned for her to follow me, and we went back to my room.
She closed the door behind us, and I looked at her expectantly.
“ First let me just say that I’m here to support you. I’m not here to cause you anymore hurt or pain,” she said.
“That’s good to know. Have a seat.” I pointed her towards the chase lounge, and I sat across from her on the bed.
Her hands clasped one another as if they were holding on for dear life. She sat on the edge of her seat and stared at me intently. She was waiting on a reaction from me, but I really didn’t know what to say. I was at the point where I was finally coming to terms with the fact that I may never see my mother again. I thought that the next time that I saw her, she would be dead. The reality of it hurt like hell, but I couldn’t live for her. She was in control of her own life, and I didn’t want to sit around waiting on her to care about herself. She was dealing with a lot of demons, and I had to release her for my own sanity.
“So what do you want to talk about?” I asked impatiently. All I could think about was the fact that the make-up and hair stylist had a lot of work to do on me. “How did you even get out here?”
“ Kyle contacted me and had me flown out here,” she said.
She inhaled deeply, “Camille, I’m so sorry for everything that I did to you and for everything that I didn’t do for you. I made a lot of bad decisions in my life, and I always blamed you for them. The truth is that you were the only reason that I’ve survived this long.”
I was stunned because my mother has never given me an apology in my entire life. She’s always justified her mistakes and projected her shortcomings on to me. She would blame me every time a man left her. When our lights or heat got cut off she would say it was my fault, and she blamed me for us living in the shelter as well. I’d internalized all of that which is why I felt obligated to take care of her. I felt guilty for being born and ruining her dreams of a better life. It was Marcus who taught me that she should have been taking care of me. But he also taught me to be loyal.
“ I don’t really know what to say mom,” I admitted.
“ No need to say anything Camille. I’m so proud of you. You’re 100 times the woman that I ever was, and I really wish that things could have been different,” she said.
I rolled my eyes and thought to myself, ‘I bet you do wish that, especially now that I’m marrying Kyle.’ I didn’t want to be closed off to her, but it’s hard to trust people’s intentions when money is involved. She was one of the meanest and selfish people that I’d ever met, so the change of heart was a little suspicious.
“You grew to be successful in spite of me and not because of me,” she continued, “I should have been a better mother to you, and I don’t blame you if you never want to see me again after today. I don’t want anything from you or your husband, I just wanted to be able to share this day with you. That is all Camille.” she said.
I fought back my tears and said the only thing that I could think of, “You look really good.”
She smiled, “Thank you. I went into rehab 4 months ago, and Kyle helped me get permission to come here.”
“ How
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