The Weight of Love by Jolene Betty Perry Page A

never expected to be loved…”
    “Why not?”
    “What?”
    “Why didn’ t you expect to be loved?”
    I have no idea. None. My whole body stops. Freezes. It’s kind of a basic question that probably speaks volumes about me. It’s also something that I’m sure I don’t want to think about right now.
    “Sorry. ” He takes the soapy dish from my hand and begins to rinse it. “Continue, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
    “It’s okay. I just… It’s just that we never made it there. I guess it really should have been the most important thing.” It really should have been. What happened? We went to church. He took good care of me. He loved me. Greatly . Why?
    “Sometimes things that break our heart s at the time, don’t show their purpose until later.” He rinses another glass.
    Now I have to look at him. “From experience?”
    He nods.
    “Sorry.”
    “Don’t be. The things that broke my heart are things I brought on myself, not like you.” The corner of his mouth pulls into a smile, but he’s still rinsing, one dish after another.
    “Still sucks.” My eyes turn back to the sink. I’m down to reaching for silverware.
    “Still sucks,” he agrees. “But, Jaycee?”
    “Yeah?” I let my gaze filter up to him again.
    “You, of all the people I’ve met, have an amazing spirit about you. Don’t give up on that. Use it. Keep it and don’t feel bad if you don’t feel like you should do something, just because you feel pressure to do it. Does that make sense?”
    Perfect. It makes perfect sense. “Thank you.” Then I realize that we’re kind of alone in a room full of people and I need to drop the tension between us. “Too bad you’re a missionary and I can’t give you a hug.” I smirk at him and laugh.
    He stares, smiles briefly and takes the silverware from my hand for rinsing.
    His eyes hit me. His smile hits me, and his words hit me. I am in so much trouble. There really has to be some kind of bad place for people who fall for someone who’s given up two years of their life and promised to avoid complications like the ones I’d love to throw at him. Maybe in the form of a kiss.
    ~ ~ ~
    I don’t recognize the number on my phone. 801 . A Utah number. My first thought is that Kyla must have done something.
    “Hello?” It’s rare that I don’t know who it is before answering.
    “Hey, Jaycee, it’s Luke.”
    My heart stops. His voice is almost just like his brother’s. Just like Matt. I open my mouth to speak three times before something comes out.
    “Wow, what’s going on with you?” I ask. It’s not completely unusual that one of Matt’s brothers calls me, but it is a little unusual.
    “I heard you were moving my direction?”
    “Right, I spoke with your mom the other day.”
    “That’s awesome. You know, I was thinking of staying down here. I graduate in a few months and already have a job lined up.”
    “That’s great.” Is this why he called? To say that he’ll be around?
    “Yeah, it’ll be really good to see you.” His voice drops just slightly.
    And now I’m sure he means more by that than what he’s letting on. “You, too.” And it will be good to see him, no matter what. Luke had all the great qualities of his brother—he was just a little more hyper-active. I’m sure that’s settled with age.
    “So, you’ll call when you get down?” he asks.
    “Nothing’s completely settled yet, but, yeah, of course I’ll call you. Bridger would love to see his uncle, I’m sure.” If he remembers who he is.
    “What have you been up to?” he asks.
    “Just keeping busy… I don’t want to cut you off, Luke, but I really need to go.” Mostly I don’t know what to say to you, what to tell you, and I’m afraid of what you might want.
    “Okay. Don’t be afraid to call, though, okay? You know , if you need someone else to convince you that moving down here is a good idea.”
    I laugh. “My sister is doing a pretty good job all by herself.”
    “Well, tell her