ya later, boss lady.” I let my hand run down the side of her face, and then I get out. When I make it to my front door, I turn toward her car. It’s not until then that she drives away.
It’s not until then that I realize something else, too.
I feel good .
And not the way I typically do. Not because I’m high or spent the day having fun with my friends. I can’t explain it. I just feel good, in the same way I would when Dad looked at me with pride in his eyes, or when I was like eleven and Luke hung out with me all day. He took me to the park and we got ice cream bars. Neither of us had money, and I told him I’d steal them, but he told me he didn’t want that for me. It made me feel like he thought I might be good at something besides stealing, and it made me feel awesome all day.
We made a fort in his room that night, which he was totally too old for. We stayed up late watching movies. It was like three a.m. when he pulled this book out from under the bed. It was a book about all the states and what each of them was known for. He told me all the places he wanted to go. That was the first time I realized Luke wanted to leave me. He never once mentioned me going with him. That’s when I decided I couldn’t afford to need him. He saw me just like he did Dad.
The door sticks a little when I push it open. My forehead wrinkles when I see Mr. Perfect in the kitchen. He was supposed to be at work tonight.
“I made homemade pizza bread. Remember when we used to do that? We’d eat them every night for like a week straight.” Luke pops one of his knuckles.
“Huh?” We don’t sit down to dinner together. We don’t make pizza bread together anymore.
“Funny. It’s dinner. Let’s eat.” He nods toward the table, and then goes to the fridge. “Are you home for the night?”
“Yeah.” I head for the kitchen.
“Want a beer?”
“Excuse me, what? Didn’t you just give me shit the other day for drinking?”
Luke sighs. He’s standing by the open fridge. It’s old and yellow and makes too loud a noise. “I’m trying here, Ry. Do you want a drink or not?”
I glance at the door, half expecting a TV show to bust in and say this is all a big joke or something. When nothing happens, I nod. “Yeah. Cool. Thanks. I’ll grab the plates.”
Luke takes two beers out of the fridge while I take two plates from the cabinet. I toss a couple pizza breads on each of them and set them on the table. He sits first, then eyes me and the chair, before I join him.
“You need a new hoodie,” he says before taking a bite. I finish chewing what’s in my mouth before replying.
“Yeah.”
“We’ll get you another one.”
Okay, what’s going on here? He’s supposed to be telling me how irresponsible I am and that he doesn’t have the money to buy stuff like that. “You don’t have to. Tanner’s closet is as big as my bedroom. He said he’ll give me one.”
“That’s nice of him. What are they up to? Your friends? They haven’t been around much lately.” I don’t know why, but I get this light, almost floaty feeling in my chest as he speaks to me like this, all normal and shit. Like brothers.
“Same, I guess. Tan and Cody are attached at the lips like always. Shane’s worried about his mom. He thinks she’s using again.”
Luke curses. “Tell him to come crash on the couch. There’s always room for him.”
The sensation in my chest expands at that. Luke doesn’t think much of my friends, but he’s cool to them, and that means a lot to me.
“What about you and Drea?”
I roll my eyes. “There is no me and Drea.” He’s always thought that, no matter how many times I’ve said we’re only friends. Friends who mess around sometimes, but friends all the same. “She’s doing okay, though. She hasn’t really said much.”
Luke takes a bite of his pizza, chews and swallows, and then takes another one. We don’t talk as we both eat, and I have to admit, it’s pretty cool. Just chilling
It’s not until then that I realize something else, too.
I feel good .
And not the way I typically do. Not because I’m high or spent the day having fun with my friends. I can’t explain it. I just feel good, in the same way I would when Dad looked at me with pride in his eyes, or when I was like eleven and Luke hung out with me all day. He took me to the park and we got ice cream bars. Neither of us had money, and I told him I’d steal them, but he told me he didn’t want that for me. It made me feel like he thought I might be good at something besides stealing, and it made me feel awesome all day.
We made a fort in his room that night, which he was totally too old for. We stayed up late watching movies. It was like three a.m. when he pulled this book out from under the bed. It was a book about all the states and what each of them was known for. He told me all the places he wanted to go. That was the first time I realized Luke wanted to leave me. He never once mentioned me going with him. That’s when I decided I couldn’t afford to need him. He saw me just like he did Dad.
The door sticks a little when I push it open. My forehead wrinkles when I see Mr. Perfect in the kitchen. He was supposed to be at work tonight.
“I made homemade pizza bread. Remember when we used to do that? We’d eat them every night for like a week straight.” Luke pops one of his knuckles.
“Huh?” We don’t sit down to dinner together. We don’t make pizza bread together anymore.
“Funny. It’s dinner. Let’s eat.” He nods toward the table, and then goes to the fridge. “Are you home for the night?”
“Yeah.” I head for the kitchen.
“Want a beer?”
“Excuse me, what? Didn’t you just give me shit the other day for drinking?”
Luke sighs. He’s standing by the open fridge. It’s old and yellow and makes too loud a noise. “I’m trying here, Ry. Do you want a drink or not?”
I glance at the door, half expecting a TV show to bust in and say this is all a big joke or something. When nothing happens, I nod. “Yeah. Cool. Thanks. I’ll grab the plates.”
Luke takes two beers out of the fridge while I take two plates from the cabinet. I toss a couple pizza breads on each of them and set them on the table. He sits first, then eyes me and the chair, before I join him.
“You need a new hoodie,” he says before taking a bite. I finish chewing what’s in my mouth before replying.
“Yeah.”
“We’ll get you another one.”
Okay, what’s going on here? He’s supposed to be telling me how irresponsible I am and that he doesn’t have the money to buy stuff like that. “You don’t have to. Tanner’s closet is as big as my bedroom. He said he’ll give me one.”
“That’s nice of him. What are they up to? Your friends? They haven’t been around much lately.” I don’t know why, but I get this light, almost floaty feeling in my chest as he speaks to me like this, all normal and shit. Like brothers.
“Same, I guess. Tan and Cody are attached at the lips like always. Shane’s worried about his mom. He thinks she’s using again.”
Luke curses. “Tell him to come crash on the couch. There’s always room for him.”
The sensation in my chest expands at that. Luke doesn’t think much of my friends, but he’s cool to them, and that means a lot to me.
“What about you and Drea?”
I roll my eyes. “There is no me and Drea.” He’s always thought that, no matter how many times I’ve said we’re only friends. Friends who mess around sometimes, but friends all the same. “She’s doing okay, though. She hasn’t really said much.”
Luke takes a bite of his pizza, chews and swallows, and then takes another one. We don’t talk as we both eat, and I have to admit, it’s pretty cool. Just chilling
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