back soon. I should get you home.”
But I don’t want to. He gazes down at me. I don’t want him to leave, and I don’t want to know what that means, either. Because if I do, my name will change to Fear again, and I’ll run.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
~Ryder~
She’s quiet while I pack up all my stuff. There’s this thought bearing down on my brain, and I wonder if I shouldn’t have kissed her again. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do. She obviously has some shit going on, and she needs to clear her head, yet I decide it’s the best time to make out with her.
I feel all upside down and backward with her. It’s easier to use my mouth on her sometimes rather than trying to figure out what to say, or how to say it. Not that I don’t want to kiss her, because yeah, I definitely want that, but it’s like I’m trying to find my way through a maze when I’m with her. She’s always surprising me, and I’m not used to that. I don’t know how to navigate it.
That shit with the homework. I don’t know why it’s got me on edge but it does. My friends never would have cracked open a book with me (not that I would have with them, either). Luke would have made me feel stupid about it, like I’m not smart enough to work on my own or that I don’t know what I should be doing.
It wasn’t like that with Virginia.
I can’t figure out why that matters.
The quiet continues on the drive to my house. The word sorry teases my tongue but I can’t make it come out. I don’t really do that—apologize. Not typically. And I also don’t know if I have something to apologize for.
She pulls up in front of my shitty house and I sit there for a minute. This is ridiculous. I’m being lame. If I want to say something, all I need to do is open my mouth. I’ve never been like this, and it’s all kinds of screwed up. “I never got that before. The math.”
Totally not what I expected to say.
“Yeah?” she asks, excitement making her voice go up a notch, and suddenly I’m glad those were the words I spoke.
“I never cared before. I don’t know if I do now, but…thanks. For not talking to me like I’m stupid, or pushing me into it. I guess thanks for not assuming homework’s not something I would do, either.”
Her lips spread into a huge smile. It’s like she’s letting me in for the first time. She’s laughed and smiled before, but not at me. Not like this.
“But I wouldn’t… Have done it. You should probably know that. I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn’t have done my work today if I hadn’t been with you.” She should know who she’s with. There isn’t anything about me that is like her. I don’t want to lie to her about that. Then why haven’t you told her everything? That my eyes cased her house when I walked in, thinking of all the money in it.
“I guess it’s good that you were with me then. And maybe…” She tilts her head down. My hand suddenly has a mind of its own and slides under her chin, lifting slowly until she’s looking me in the eyes again.
Just as I’m about to ask her, maybe what, she takes a deep breath and speaks. “Maybe you’ll have to be with me more often so we can make sure you keep it up.”
That’s my girl. There’s fear in her eyes, fear of what she said and probably of saying it, but she did it anyway. It doesn’t surprise me. I see how strong she is. Earlier, I thought she was the kind of girl Dad would take advantage of, but I was wrong. She would never allow something like that to happen.
“It’s my eyes, isn’t it? The colors get girls every time. Either that, or the piercings.”
Virginia shakes her head, but I can tell she wants to grin at what I said. We both need to steer clear of the topic of fear, though. Even though I’ve never really been scared of anything in my life, I bet my eyes reflect hers. I’ve never wanted to be with someone the way I find myself wanting to be with her, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is scary as fuck.
“See
But I don’t want to. He gazes down at me. I don’t want him to leave, and I don’t want to know what that means, either. Because if I do, my name will change to Fear again, and I’ll run.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
~Ryder~
She’s quiet while I pack up all my stuff. There’s this thought bearing down on my brain, and I wonder if I shouldn’t have kissed her again. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do. She obviously has some shit going on, and she needs to clear her head, yet I decide it’s the best time to make out with her.
I feel all upside down and backward with her. It’s easier to use my mouth on her sometimes rather than trying to figure out what to say, or how to say it. Not that I don’t want to kiss her, because yeah, I definitely want that, but it’s like I’m trying to find my way through a maze when I’m with her. She’s always surprising me, and I’m not used to that. I don’t know how to navigate it.
That shit with the homework. I don’t know why it’s got me on edge but it does. My friends never would have cracked open a book with me (not that I would have with them, either). Luke would have made me feel stupid about it, like I’m not smart enough to work on my own or that I don’t know what I should be doing.
It wasn’t like that with Virginia.
I can’t figure out why that matters.
The quiet continues on the drive to my house. The word sorry teases my tongue but I can’t make it come out. I don’t really do that—apologize. Not typically. And I also don’t know if I have something to apologize for.
She pulls up in front of my shitty house and I sit there for a minute. This is ridiculous. I’m being lame. If I want to say something, all I need to do is open my mouth. I’ve never been like this, and it’s all kinds of screwed up. “I never got that before. The math.”
Totally not what I expected to say.
“Yeah?” she asks, excitement making her voice go up a notch, and suddenly I’m glad those were the words I spoke.
“I never cared before. I don’t know if I do now, but…thanks. For not talking to me like I’m stupid, or pushing me into it. I guess thanks for not assuming homework’s not something I would do, either.”
Her lips spread into a huge smile. It’s like she’s letting me in for the first time. She’s laughed and smiled before, but not at me. Not like this.
“But I wouldn’t… Have done it. You should probably know that. I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn’t have done my work today if I hadn’t been with you.” She should know who she’s with. There isn’t anything about me that is like her. I don’t want to lie to her about that. Then why haven’t you told her everything? That my eyes cased her house when I walked in, thinking of all the money in it.
“I guess it’s good that you were with me then. And maybe…” She tilts her head down. My hand suddenly has a mind of its own and slides under her chin, lifting slowly until she’s looking me in the eyes again.
Just as I’m about to ask her, maybe what, she takes a deep breath and speaks. “Maybe you’ll have to be with me more often so we can make sure you keep it up.”
That’s my girl. There’s fear in her eyes, fear of what she said and probably of saying it, but she did it anyway. It doesn’t surprise me. I see how strong she is. Earlier, I thought she was the kind of girl Dad would take advantage of, but I was wrong. She would never allow something like that to happen.
“It’s my eyes, isn’t it? The colors get girls every time. Either that, or the piercings.”
Virginia shakes her head, but I can tell she wants to grin at what I said. We both need to steer clear of the topic of fear, though. Even though I’ve never really been scared of anything in my life, I bet my eyes reflect hers. I’ve never wanted to be with someone the way I find myself wanting to be with her, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is scary as fuck.
“See
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