a tiny human skeleton with the bones of the dead fish and distributed a little ketchup about it to make it more realistic.
'More tea, Mr Cauldhame?' Mrs Clamp said.
'No, thank you, Mrs Clamp,' my father replied.
'Francis?' Mrs Clamp asked me.
'No, thank you,' I said. A pea would do for a rather green skull for the skeleton. I placed it there. Father and Mrs Clamp droned on about this and that.
'I hear the constable was down the other day, if you don't mind _me_ saying so,' Mrs Clamp said, and coughed politely.
'Indeed,' my father said, and shovelled so much food into his mouth he wouldn't be able to speak for another minute or so. Mrs Clamp nodded at her much-salted fish and sipped her tea. I hummed, and my father glared at me over jaws like heaving wrestlers.
Nothing more was said on the subject.
Saturday night at the Cauldhame Arms and there I stood as usual at the back of the packed, smoke-filled room at the rear of the hotel, a plastic pint glass in my hand full of lager, my legs braced slightly on the floor in front of me, my back against a wallpapered pillar, and Jamie the dwarf sitting on my shoulders, resting his pint of Heavy on my head now and again and engaging me in conversation.
'What you been doin', then, Frankie?'
'Not a lot. I killed a few rabbits the other day and I keep getting weird phone calls from Eric, but that's about all. What about you?'
'Nothin' much. How come Eric's calling you?'
'Didn't you know ?' I said, looking up at him. He leaned over and looked down at me. Faces look funny upside down. 'Oh, he's escaped.'
'_Escaped_?'
'Sh. If people don't know, there's no need to tell them. Yeah, he got out. He's called the house a couple of times and he says he's coming this way. Diggs came and told us the day he broke out.'
'Christ. Are they looking for him?'
'So Angus says. Hasn't there been anything on the news? I thought you might have heard something.'
'Nup. Jeez. Do you think they'll tell people in the town if they don't catch him?'
'Don't know.' I would have shrugged.
'What if he's still into setting dogs on fire? Shit. And those worms he used to try to get kids to eat. The locals'll go crazy.' I could feel him shaking his head.
'I think they're keeping it quiet. Probably they think they can catch him.'
'Do you think they'll catch him?'
'Ho. I couldn't say. He might be crazy, but he's clever. He wouldn't have got out in the first place if he hadn't been, and when he calls up he sounds sharp. Sharp but bonkers.'
'You don't seem all that worried.'
'I hope he makes it. I'd like to see him again. And I'd like to see him get all the way back here because... just because.' I took a drink.
'Shit. I hope he doesn't cause any aggro.'
'He might. That's all I'm worried about. He sounds like he might still not like dogs an awful lot. I think the kids are safe, though, all the same.'
'How's he travelling? Has he told you how he's intendin' to get here? Has he any money?'
'He must have some to be making the phone calls, but he's stealing things mostly.'
'God. Well, at least you can't lose remission for escaping from a loony bin.'
'Ay,' I said. The band came on then, a group of four punks from Inverness called the Vomits. The lead singer had a Mohican haircut and lots of chains and zips. He grabbed the microphone while the other three started thrashing their respective instruments and screamed :
'Ma gurl-fren's leff me an ah feel like a bum,
Ah loss ma job an when ah wank ah can't cum....'
I nestled my shoulders against the pillar a little more firmly and sipped from my glass as Jamie's feet beat against my chest and the howling, crashing music thundered through the sweaty room. This sounded like it would be fun.
During the interval, while one of the barmen was taking a mop and bucket to the front of the stage where everybody had been spitting, I went up to the bar to get some more drinks.
'The usual?' said Duncan behind the bar, Jamie nodded. 'And how's Frank?' Duncan asked,
'More tea, Mr Cauldhame?' Mrs Clamp said.
'No, thank you, Mrs Clamp,' my father replied.
'Francis?' Mrs Clamp asked me.
'No, thank you,' I said. A pea would do for a rather green skull for the skeleton. I placed it there. Father and Mrs Clamp droned on about this and that.
'I hear the constable was down the other day, if you don't mind _me_ saying so,' Mrs Clamp said, and coughed politely.
'Indeed,' my father said, and shovelled so much food into his mouth he wouldn't be able to speak for another minute or so. Mrs Clamp nodded at her much-salted fish and sipped her tea. I hummed, and my father glared at me over jaws like heaving wrestlers.
Nothing more was said on the subject.
Saturday night at the Cauldhame Arms and there I stood as usual at the back of the packed, smoke-filled room at the rear of the hotel, a plastic pint glass in my hand full of lager, my legs braced slightly on the floor in front of me, my back against a wallpapered pillar, and Jamie the dwarf sitting on my shoulders, resting his pint of Heavy on my head now and again and engaging me in conversation.
'What you been doin', then, Frankie?'
'Not a lot. I killed a few rabbits the other day and I keep getting weird phone calls from Eric, but that's about all. What about you?'
'Nothin' much. How come Eric's calling you?'
'Didn't you know ?' I said, looking up at him. He leaned over and looked down at me. Faces look funny upside down. 'Oh, he's escaped.'
'_Escaped_?'
'Sh. If people don't know, there's no need to tell them. Yeah, he got out. He's called the house a couple of times and he says he's coming this way. Diggs came and told us the day he broke out.'
'Christ. Are they looking for him?'
'So Angus says. Hasn't there been anything on the news? I thought you might have heard something.'
'Nup. Jeez. Do you think they'll tell people in the town if they don't catch him?'
'Don't know.' I would have shrugged.
'What if he's still into setting dogs on fire? Shit. And those worms he used to try to get kids to eat. The locals'll go crazy.' I could feel him shaking his head.
'I think they're keeping it quiet. Probably they think they can catch him.'
'Do you think they'll catch him?'
'Ho. I couldn't say. He might be crazy, but he's clever. He wouldn't have got out in the first place if he hadn't been, and when he calls up he sounds sharp. Sharp but bonkers.'
'You don't seem all that worried.'
'I hope he makes it. I'd like to see him again. And I'd like to see him get all the way back here because... just because.' I took a drink.
'Shit. I hope he doesn't cause any aggro.'
'He might. That's all I'm worried about. He sounds like he might still not like dogs an awful lot. I think the kids are safe, though, all the same.'
'How's he travelling? Has he told you how he's intendin' to get here? Has he any money?'
'He must have some to be making the phone calls, but he's stealing things mostly.'
'God. Well, at least you can't lose remission for escaping from a loony bin.'
'Ay,' I said. The band came on then, a group of four punks from Inverness called the Vomits. The lead singer had a Mohican haircut and lots of chains and zips. He grabbed the microphone while the other three started thrashing their respective instruments and screamed :
'Ma gurl-fren's leff me an ah feel like a bum,
Ah loss ma job an when ah wank ah can't cum....'
I nestled my shoulders against the pillar a little more firmly and sipped from my glass as Jamie's feet beat against my chest and the howling, crashing music thundered through the sweaty room. This sounded like it would be fun.
During the interval, while one of the barmen was taking a mop and bucket to the front of the stage where everybody had been spitting, I went up to the bar to get some more drinks.
'The usual?' said Duncan behind the bar, Jamie nodded. 'And how's Frank?' Duncan asked,
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