The Voyage of the Star Wolf by David Gerrold Page B

of internal peace and tranquillity.”
    Hodel blinked. “I can’t believe you’re serious—”
    Korie grabbed Hodel’s shoulder hard and stared into his eyes.
    What he wanted to say was this: “Listen to me, asshole. I’m dry. I’m empty. I’ve gamed it out and I’ve gamed it out and I’ve gamed it out. I can’t think of anything else to do. At the moment, there isn’t anything else we can do. So I’m going down to the inner hull and make myself useful. I want to spend a little bit of time doing something life-affirming. But I have no emotional fuel left. I need to do something to recharge myself—I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, and I can’t talk about it to anybody, because the morale on this ship is so desperate.”
    But what he actually said was: “If you have to have it explained to you, then you’ll never understand it.” He let go of Hodel and pushed off. “Keep me posted if there’s any change in status.”

Winged Beans

    Planting beans is easy.
    You take the seed, you push it deep into the soft cottony webbing, deep enough to stay, then you squirt it with some mineralized water and get out of its way. Move up a few centimeters and poke another seed into the web. Squirt and repeat. Poke and squirt. Poke and squirt. Kind of like sex, but not as immediately gratifying.
    Actually , thought Korie, this really wasn’t such a bad idea . Poke and squirt. Poke and squirt. It’s probably all over the ship by now. The exec’s gone bugfuck. We’re about to be destroyed and he’s planting beans.
    Korie shook his head and kept on working. I can’t explain it. If we survive, it’ll make sense. They’ll say I’m so cold, I’m unbreakable. And if we don’t survive, it doesn’t matter.
    What I’m really hoping, though, is that by taking my mind off the problem, I’ll give my subconscious a chance to work. Maybe there’s something I’ve missed . . .
    I’ve got to stop thinking about it. Except it’s like trying not to think about a big pink worm.
    Korie sighed in exasperation and kept on working. He had a plastic injector in his right hand; squeeze it and a seed pops out at the end of the long nozzle. Planting beans was easy, almost too easy to be fun. Insert the nozzle into the webbing and squeeze. Then squeeze a second time and the seed is sprayed. Pull yourself up along the webbing and repeat the process.
    Poke and squirt.
    The winged bean is a marvelous piece of nature. The bean is edible. The leaves are edible. The roots are edible. All parts of it are tasty. It grows fast and produces useful amounts of oxygen. And it’s historically interesting too. Its genetic heritage can be traced all the way back to ancient Earth.
    Poke. Squirt.
    We could probably have the robots do this, thought Korie. Maybe we should. But then, if we did, what would I be doing now ? He snorted in amusement. Probably going crazy. Correction : crazier.
    The Morthans eat their enemies, but what do they do for food between battles? Huh? Maybe that’s why they’re always going into war. Now, there’s a thought—suppose they don’t want to destroy this ship. Suppose instead that they want to capture us alive . . . No, that’s stupid. The Morthans only eat honorable enemies. They couldn’t possibly consider us worthy of a Morthan honor. No, they’re out to destroy us.
    Poke. Squirt.
    Bolting doesn’t work. We saw what happened to the Alistair. Hiding doesn’t work either. Not if they’re searching for us. Creeping away at subluminal velocity is like trying to hide and bolt at the same time. No chance there. And we don’t have the firepower to fight back. We have no options.
    Poke.
    Surrender?
    Korie hesitated, considering the thought. It was more than distasteful. It was anathema. It was the most abhorrent idea of all. Totally unacceptable.