she didn’t, and I had to force myself not to confess everything.
“It’s me,” I said. Deep breath, I told myself. Take a deep breath, and lie to your wife. “My cell isn’t working for some reason. How’re you doing?”
“I’m good,” she said. “Tired.”
“Me too. We went to Antonello’s for dinner.”
“Did you have a good time?”
Just a few hours earlier I was ready to announce,
You and I are officially in the record business.
“Sure,” I said. “It was okay.”
“Did you have a lot to drink?”
“Not too much. Why?”
“You sound funny.”
“I
am
funny.”
She didn’t laugh, but I knew she was smiling. “Oh, so get this,” she said. “Anne was riding her tricycle around the driveway, and I was drawing a road for her with colored chalk …”
I listened, but less to the story itself than to her voice. The lightness of it.
She didn’t talk for long. Didn’t want to keep me on the phone. “Thanks for checking in,” she said, “but you should get back to your friends.”
I told her good night.
“Have a good time,” she said. “Enjoy golf tomorrow.”
I said I would.
“Good night, Will,” she said.
“Wait.”
“What is it?”
I needed to get off the phone. Return to the studio. Nolan was waiting.
“Tell me something first,” I said. “Before you hang up.”
“Tell you what?”
Anything
, I wanted to say.
Tell me anything
. Instead, I asked her about the traffic on the Jersey Turnpike. If it was heavy.
I returned to the control room and told Nolan where to find the telephone. I handed him the rest of my quarters and my building key so he could let himself back in.
“Where’s Jeffrey?” I asked.
“Bathroom. Trying to fix his face.”
After Nolan left, I sat down and waited. Marie was turned away from me, facing the rear of Room A. I felt a strong curiosity about her, and a desire for her to like me, and I wondered if this was true of all kidnappers.
At least a full minute passed before it dawned on me. There she sat, not thirty feet away. It would be easy. I could have her out and into the cool night air in half a minute. Nothing was stopping me. Except for me.
Once, I saw a hypnotist perform at a bachelor party. When he told his subjects that they couldn’t get out of their chairs, they really couldn’t. They struggled with all their might—teeth gritting, muscles tightening—but not one of them got out of the chair. I was commanding myself to get up. And I was also commanding myself not to.
There were a hundred reasons to let her go, yet I felt locked to my chair. It wasn’t only the fear that she’d tell. I still believed in Nolan, and in myself. Believed that we’d find a way out of this with our lives more or less whole. I didn’t believe this completely. Just enough to cause me to hesitate, until Jeffrey appeared in the control room’s doorway, a big wad of paper towel pressed to his face. As he stepped into the room, the big box of untapped courage inside of me snapped shut.
“How’s the tooth?” I asked.
I felt chilled, looking at him. His fat lip curved upward like a grotesque grin.
“It’s still in my mouth.” He sat down on the sofa. “You smell like smoke.”
I removed the cigarette pack and lighter from my pants pocket and handed them to him. Then I watched him try to hold a cigarette in his busted lips.
“Why did you say earlier that Nolan was a snake?” I asked. We obviously weren’t going to make a move until Nolan returned, and I wanted to get to the bottom of something.
He lit the cigarette and took a long draw, like he’d been waiting all his life for that jolt of tar and nicotine. He exhaled and handed me back the pack and lighter. “Oh, pick your reason.”
“No, I’m serious. Tell me why you said it.”
“You’re telling me that you disagree with the assessment?”
“Yes, frankly, I do.”
Another draw of the cigarette. He shut his eyes in bliss, or maybe pain, and exhaled a stream of smoke.
“It’s me,” I said. Deep breath, I told myself. Take a deep breath, and lie to your wife. “My cell isn’t working for some reason. How’re you doing?”
“I’m good,” she said. “Tired.”
“Me too. We went to Antonello’s for dinner.”
“Did you have a good time?”
Just a few hours earlier I was ready to announce,
You and I are officially in the record business.
“Sure,” I said. “It was okay.”
“Did you have a lot to drink?”
“Not too much. Why?”
“You sound funny.”
“I
am
funny.”
She didn’t laugh, but I knew she was smiling. “Oh, so get this,” she said. “Anne was riding her tricycle around the driveway, and I was drawing a road for her with colored chalk …”
I listened, but less to the story itself than to her voice. The lightness of it.
She didn’t talk for long. Didn’t want to keep me on the phone. “Thanks for checking in,” she said, “but you should get back to your friends.”
I told her good night.
“Have a good time,” she said. “Enjoy golf tomorrow.”
I said I would.
“Good night, Will,” she said.
“Wait.”
“What is it?”
I needed to get off the phone. Return to the studio. Nolan was waiting.
“Tell me something first,” I said. “Before you hang up.”
“Tell you what?”
Anything
, I wanted to say.
Tell me anything
. Instead, I asked her about the traffic on the Jersey Turnpike. If it was heavy.
I returned to the control room and told Nolan where to find the telephone. I handed him the rest of my quarters and my building key so he could let himself back in.
“Where’s Jeffrey?” I asked.
“Bathroom. Trying to fix his face.”
After Nolan left, I sat down and waited. Marie was turned away from me, facing the rear of Room A. I felt a strong curiosity about her, and a desire for her to like me, and I wondered if this was true of all kidnappers.
At least a full minute passed before it dawned on me. There she sat, not thirty feet away. It would be easy. I could have her out and into the cool night air in half a minute. Nothing was stopping me. Except for me.
Once, I saw a hypnotist perform at a bachelor party. When he told his subjects that they couldn’t get out of their chairs, they really couldn’t. They struggled with all their might—teeth gritting, muscles tightening—but not one of them got out of the chair. I was commanding myself to get up. And I was also commanding myself not to.
There were a hundred reasons to let her go, yet I felt locked to my chair. It wasn’t only the fear that she’d tell. I still believed in Nolan, and in myself. Believed that we’d find a way out of this with our lives more or less whole. I didn’t believe this completely. Just enough to cause me to hesitate, until Jeffrey appeared in the control room’s doorway, a big wad of paper towel pressed to his face. As he stepped into the room, the big box of untapped courage inside of me snapped shut.
“How’s the tooth?” I asked.
I felt chilled, looking at him. His fat lip curved upward like a grotesque grin.
“It’s still in my mouth.” He sat down on the sofa. “You smell like smoke.”
I removed the cigarette pack and lighter from my pants pocket and handed them to him. Then I watched him try to hold a cigarette in his busted lips.
“Why did you say earlier that Nolan was a snake?” I asked. We obviously weren’t going to make a move until Nolan returned, and I wanted to get to the bottom of something.
He lit the cigarette and took a long draw, like he’d been waiting all his life for that jolt of tar and nicotine. He exhaled and handed me back the pack and lighter. “Oh, pick your reason.”
“No, I’m serious. Tell me why you said it.”
“You’re telling me that you disagree with the assessment?”
“Yes, frankly, I do.”
Another draw of the cigarette. He shut his eyes in bliss, or maybe pain, and exhaled a stream of smoke.
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