The Special Ones by Em Bailey

matter how crazy they seem. Harry, who, if he doubts the purpose of the Special Ones, never lets it show on his face. And something dawned on me.
    He’s acting. Doing it to survive.
    I decided I’d follow his lead. Be the perfect Special One. Do what was asked of me without question or complaint. I buttoned myself into my Esther costume and threw myself into the part. This, and only this, would keep me safe.
    But Harry’s renewal notice has changed that. Its arrival means that I was wrong. Because if someone as faultless as Harry can be renewed, then clearly none of us are safe.

    Esther must announce the news of a renewal to the Special Ones as soon as possible. But at breakfast I can barely speak, let alone deliver this terrible information. I can tell Harry is waiting for it, but he doesn’t push me either.
    Lucille and I spend the morning doing the first half of the weekly clothes and linen wash – a mammoth task that takes all our time and energy. There’s no chance of discussing Harry’s news and, besides, we all need to be together.
    Harry and Felicity return for lunch, Harry doing a good show of being as cheerful and calm as ever. Felicity and Lucille don’t seem to notice anything different, but I can hear the tension in his voice.
    In the kitchen, Felicity hands me a basket full of hard, greenish peaches. ‘That’s all we could save,’ Harry says apologetically. ‘I hope they will see you through for a couple of weeks at least.’ His carefully chosen words are painful to hear. You , not us .
    As we sit down to eat Harry asks, ‘Any news?’ He’s prompting me.
    I shake my head. Not yet, I think. Saying it out loud – Harry’s being renewed – will make it official. I sit and stare at my plate. I can’t eat. Can’t talk. My hand shakes as I raise my glass, and the water tips onto the table. I jump up to grab a cloth and catch Harry’s kind eyes watching me, his face full of sympathy. After a couple of seconds he looks away.
    I am suddenly ashamed of myself. I’m such a coward.
    ‘Esther.’ Harry’s voice is surprisingly firm. ‘It’s time to tell them.’
    Lucille latches on instantly. ‘Tell us what?’
    Usually I plaster on Esther’s good news smile when I make a renewal announcement, but I can’t manage it this time. ‘Harry has received his renewal notice.’ The words are a string of thick sausages being pulled from my mouth.
    Felicity’s chair clatters to the ground as she leaps up and flings herself onto Harry. ‘No! You’re not allowed to go.’
    ‘Renewal is a necessary process, Felicity,’ Lucille says disapprovingly. ‘It’s a reason to celebrate.’ I want to hit her. She gets up and walks over until she’s standing in front of Harry. ‘Congratulations, Harry,’ she says loudly, one hand on his shoulder. ‘I look forward to seeing you again in your new vessel.’
    Harry nods at her. ‘Thanks, Lucille,’ he says and pats her hand.
    What does it feel like, being touched by Harry? His skin is probably a little rough from all the hard labour he does, but I imagine it being warm and also somehow soft. A feeling rises inside me – tingling and very un-Esther-like.
    Lucille withdraws her hand and gives Felicity and me a disdainful glance. ‘This is a moment of great happiness for Harry.’
    Rage flares up in me, strong and bright. Happiness? And before I can stop myself – ‘Are you really that stupid, Lucille?’
    Lucille’s eyes bulge. ‘You can’t talk to me like that, Esther!’ she says, spluttering with indignation.
    ‘Can’t I?’ I shoot back. I know I’m close to losing control and, even more dangerously, I don’t really care.
    ‘Esther, calm down,’ Harry says. I know he’s looking into my face, and I keep my eyes averted. But in my peripheral vision, I see him stretch a hand towards me as if he’s planning to touch my arm.
    I freeze, wondering if he’ll dare. Perhaps he’s decided that it wouldn’t really matter now that he’s being