know?”
Clearly, I didn’t know. “I hope they’re paying you well.”
“It’s a volunteer thing.”
“You spend all day outside in this and you don’t get a paycheck?”
“I get a free season’s pass for Lake Louise. And the jacket.”
I must’ve looked unimpressed because he shrugged and said, “It’s better than going to university.”
That explained everything. He was a cold-weather Baldwin boy, going nowhere and not caring.
Our next bout of silence lasted longer.
“Have you ever skied?” he asked after a while.
“No, that would have required me to have seen snow, right?”
“Oh. Yeah.”
Charly snored softly in the backseat.
“She didn’t last long, did she?” Ezra asked.
I paused. “She gets tired quickly these days.” There. If he knew she was pregnant, that made sense. And if he didn’t know, he now thought she was terminally ill, which was probably preferable.
Outside, the hills swelled and grew steeper. I stared at my reflection, pale and angular in the glass, and wished I was different. Softer. Less harsh. Ezra was good-looking, even if he was completely devoid of ambition and intelligence. Other girls would’ve at least been friendly, but I couldn’t seem to manage even that. He probably thought I was a total brat.
Except he didn’t know me. He didn’t know how drained I felt, or how horrible the last few months had been. I just didn’t have any pretending left in me. Small talk, making a good impression, being nice, being cute —it all took too much energy. It wasn’t like I was going to see him again anyway.
“You don’t want to be here, do you?”
His voice startled me. Of course I didn’t want to be here. “I’m just tired. Long day.”
“You can go to sleep if you want,” he said.
Tears pooled in my eyes and I felt my throat thicken. Why was he being so nice to me? I couldn’t say thank you. He’d hear the tears if I spoke, and think I was crazy. Instead I reclined my seat and closed my eyes.
Like sleep was going to happen. I teetered on the edge of it instead. But everything—hurtling down an icy highway into the mountains of a foreign country, lying in a stranger’s car, closing my eyes—felt wrong.
So I thought about camping with Will. It’d been the single most rebellious act of my life, telling Grandma I’d be spending the night at Savannah’s and then sneaking off to sleep under the stars with him. But worth the guilt. The memory was all warmth, lying in his sleeping bag with his arms around me, feeling completely safe.
Chapter 10
W e met Bree’s apartment before we met Bree. It was a huge, high-ceilinged loft, with dark hardwood floors, white suede couches, and red candles and throw pillows.
“So swanky,” Charly whispered, rubbing a red flower petal between her thumb and finger. It was a poppy. “I’m guessing this didn’t grow outside.”
“Don’t touch that,” I said, my teeth still chattering from the ten seconds we’d spent sprinting from Ezra’s car to the stairwell. “That vase looks expensive.”
“Hmm. Crystal or something?” she asked, letting go of the petal and tapping the vase.
“I said, don’t touch it. As in, the opposite of what you’re doing right now.”
“Pardon me,” Ezra said. I stepped out of his way and he rolled the first two suitcases across the main room to the far corner where a spiral staircase twisted upward.
Pardon me? Charly mouthed to me, then, “You are pardoned, kind sir.”
I gave her the shut up head shake. I was all for mocking the Canadians, but not to their faces and not while they were doing our heavy lifting.
Ezra hoisted a suitcase and started up the stairs. “Bree said to take your stuff up to the loft.”
“I thought this was a loft.” We were on top of an art gallery, in a building facing Banff Avenue. I looked up. There was, in fact, a loft. A waist-high wall hid most of the room from this angle, but I could see eggshell-blue walls and the rounded edge of a
Clearly, I didn’t know. “I hope they’re paying you well.”
“It’s a volunteer thing.”
“You spend all day outside in this and you don’t get a paycheck?”
“I get a free season’s pass for Lake Louise. And the jacket.”
I must’ve looked unimpressed because he shrugged and said, “It’s better than going to university.”
That explained everything. He was a cold-weather Baldwin boy, going nowhere and not caring.
Our next bout of silence lasted longer.
“Have you ever skied?” he asked after a while.
“No, that would have required me to have seen snow, right?”
“Oh. Yeah.”
Charly snored softly in the backseat.
“She didn’t last long, did she?” Ezra asked.
I paused. “She gets tired quickly these days.” There. If he knew she was pregnant, that made sense. And if he didn’t know, he now thought she was terminally ill, which was probably preferable.
Outside, the hills swelled and grew steeper. I stared at my reflection, pale and angular in the glass, and wished I was different. Softer. Less harsh. Ezra was good-looking, even if he was completely devoid of ambition and intelligence. Other girls would’ve at least been friendly, but I couldn’t seem to manage even that. He probably thought I was a total brat.
Except he didn’t know me. He didn’t know how drained I felt, or how horrible the last few months had been. I just didn’t have any pretending left in me. Small talk, making a good impression, being nice, being cute —it all took too much energy. It wasn’t like I was going to see him again anyway.
“You don’t want to be here, do you?”
His voice startled me. Of course I didn’t want to be here. “I’m just tired. Long day.”
“You can go to sleep if you want,” he said.
Tears pooled in my eyes and I felt my throat thicken. Why was he being so nice to me? I couldn’t say thank you. He’d hear the tears if I spoke, and think I was crazy. Instead I reclined my seat and closed my eyes.
Like sleep was going to happen. I teetered on the edge of it instead. But everything—hurtling down an icy highway into the mountains of a foreign country, lying in a stranger’s car, closing my eyes—felt wrong.
So I thought about camping with Will. It’d been the single most rebellious act of my life, telling Grandma I’d be spending the night at Savannah’s and then sneaking off to sleep under the stars with him. But worth the guilt. The memory was all warmth, lying in his sleeping bag with his arms around me, feeling completely safe.
Chapter 10
W e met Bree’s apartment before we met Bree. It was a huge, high-ceilinged loft, with dark hardwood floors, white suede couches, and red candles and throw pillows.
“So swanky,” Charly whispered, rubbing a red flower petal between her thumb and finger. It was a poppy. “I’m guessing this didn’t grow outside.”
“Don’t touch that,” I said, my teeth still chattering from the ten seconds we’d spent sprinting from Ezra’s car to the stairwell. “That vase looks expensive.”
“Hmm. Crystal or something?” she asked, letting go of the petal and tapping the vase.
“I said, don’t touch it. As in, the opposite of what you’re doing right now.”
“Pardon me,” Ezra said. I stepped out of his way and he rolled the first two suitcases across the main room to the far corner where a spiral staircase twisted upward.
Pardon me? Charly mouthed to me, then, “You are pardoned, kind sir.”
I gave her the shut up head shake. I was all for mocking the Canadians, but not to their faces and not while they were doing our heavy lifting.
Ezra hoisted a suitcase and started up the stairs. “Bree said to take your stuff up to the loft.”
“I thought this was a loft.” We were on top of an art gallery, in a building facing Banff Avenue. I looked up. There was, in fact, a loft. A waist-high wall hid most of the room from this angle, but I could see eggshell-blue walls and the rounded edge of a
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