The Shiksa Syndrome: A Novel

The Shiksa Syndrome: A Novel by Laurie Graff Page B

Book: The Shiksa Syndrome: A Novel by Laurie Graff Read Free Book Online
Authors: Laurie Graff
Tags: Fiction, General, Humorous, Contemporary Women, Jewish
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it’s Aunt Aimee . . . well, it doesn’t even look like you.
Your hair.

    “Daphne! Hello!”
I say, and jump right up. “I thought maybe you lived near here when we talked of West Orange, but I wasn’t quite certain. Meet my friends.” I say each word with deliberation, hopeful my sister will infer deeper meaning. “Daphne and her husband, Rich, live . . . nearby,” I tell the group.
    “I’m Stacy,” she says, and extends her hand. “We’re moving into the Gordon house on Lenox next month. What happened to Aimee’s hair?”
    “Nothing,” I pipe in. “Daphne and I haven’t seen each other in so long and . . . mine used to be . . . short. Like hers.
Remember, Daphne?”
    “Sure. I remember.”
    Good. Daph will help me out.
    “I don’t remember your hair short at Hanukkah, Aunt Aimee.”
    “It was. It only seems longer now. Because your mom just cut her hair a lot, lot shorter. Right, Daphne?”
    “Hanukkah?” asks Josh. “This past Hanukkah?”
    “Daphne, this is Josh,” I say, making important eye contact with my sister when I say his name. “We met a few weeks ago.”
    “Is this your sister?” Josh seems confused. I can’t blame him.
    “Yes,” answers Daphne. “Aimee and I are—”
    “Very close. Like real sisters. We’re from a
special
sorority,” I explain. “We’re so close, at one point we even shared a room.”
    “Cool,” says Adam. “Where’d you girls go to school?”
    “Yeah,” asks Stacy. “Where’d you two go? We’re Binghamton, Syracuse, Cornell,” she says, pointing to Adam, Josh, and herself.
    Not a clue what’s going on, Daphne waits for me to answer. In the longest two-second pause in history, a million things go through my mind. Of course I told Josh U of P, but I’m afraid Daphne will announce her school. I don’t know what to say, and I know I have to answer. But uncomfortable that I haven’t, my sister figures that maybe she should.
    “Brown,” I stupidly say, at the exact same time “U of P” comes from Daphne.
    Crap! We automatically both try to fi x it.
    “U of P,” I say, as my sister says, “Brown.”
    “She transferred!” I say.
“From
U of P. We met there first. At our sorority. And became sisters.”
    “Phi Beta Phi,” I say while Daphne says, “Alpha Beta Alpha.”
    “Alpha?” / “Phi?”
    “Phi?” / “Alpha?”
    “Beta, beta beta!” I throw my hands up in the air and move them right, left, right with the words as if I was doing a cheer.
    Josh lets out a big laugh that gives me a sigh of relief. “I only wish I could’ve seen you in that little uniform.”
    Adam, too, is delighted, which annoys Stacy no end. Totally confused, Daphne and Hannah clap.
    “Daphne and I have always stayed in touch,” I say. “Her children are like my own niece and nephew. And when I moved to the city from Scranton, we got even closer. Like Hannah said, I spend many holidays with Daphne’s family. At her parents’.”
    “Grandma and Grandpa are visiting today,” Hannah tells me.
    “Really?”
I smile. In case I decide to kill myself, I think it would be nice if that was everyone’s last memory of me.
    “They came to see me and Holdenn.”
    “Your parents are actually
here,
Daphne? That’s
incredible.
” I put my arm around her waist to illustrate the closeness of our bond. Then I dig my thumb deep into her back to let her know she better keep her trap shut.
    “You want to walk over?” asks Josh. “You’re close by, right?” he asks my sister.
    “We’re going to have to get back to the city,” says Stacy. “Sorry.”
    “No problem,” I say. “I see them. Often enough,” I add.
    “We saw Aunt Aimee on New Year’s and for Hanukkah with her boyfriend Peter. But they broke up,” says Hannah. “Mommy says he’s not Jewish.”
    No one knows where this is coming from. But Daphne is now potentially accused of antigentile comments behind my back. My sister is so stunned, she simply looks embarrassed. As is everyone.

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