The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7) by Ichabod Temperance Page A

beast!”
    “My word, Doctor, you can at least grant us a moment to contemplate the dilemma, eh hem? Mr. Temperance, do you, sir, have any ideas for staying this monster?”
    “Hmm, let’s see. Maybe if we could trip him up, we could run up real quick and get a gigantic kelp muzzle on him long enough to hog-tie his feet. This would be predicated on being able to quickly weave about a mile or so of seaweed into unbreakable rope.”
    “Your rope from kelp scheme is admirable, Mr. Temperance; however, it may fail in having the textile strength we are in need of, yes? Forgive my lack of confidence in your grappling skills, sir, but I suspect that even you might require a spot of leverage if you are to maintain one of your ‘Tennessee Toe-holds’, yes?”
    “Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am. How about we use flashing lights to disorient and mesmerize the animal.”
    “Though you, sir, are all too susceptible to the outside control of hypnotic suggestion, and are often captivated into drooling stupor by twinkling Christmas lights, I can’t help but think the monster’s constant rage keeps him secure from our influence and interference, in that ingenious arena, eh hem?”
    “What about rubbing his belly to put him to sleep?”
    “Doubtful, and impracticable.”
    “Maybe we could try music to soothe the savage beast?”
    “That is not a bad idea. Music will in all probability have a calming effect on the beast. Perhaps it will be enough to encourage the gastronomic nightmare to slow his mad rate of intake, thus taking the time to savour the cities he devours, rather than gulping them down without relishing the subtle differences of each locale.”
    “That’s it for me, Miss Plumtartt, I am slap out of sage advice.”
    “Did someone mention music and needing advice? Why, that’s it! We must summon the IndiGoGo Girls to give us wise council! Gumibara, I was just kidding about your inability to dance. Actually, you are quite skilled in the arts of graceful motion. Get up and do that VooDoo, that you do, oh, so well!”
    “TiTaupKamaro, you’re right! I’ll do it! Everybody stand way back! This is going to take some heavy duty dancing. It’s a good thing that I am a heavy duty dancing bear!”
    skippity-hippity-hop!
    stompity-hoppity-skip!
    skippity skip!
    hoppity hop!
    stompity-stompity-plop!
    “That sure is some good dancing, Gumibara, but it ain’t working yet, bud. Do you know anymore dance steps?”
    “RRRRAWR!!! Do I know anymore dance steps!?! Uppity human, I should crush you for your insolence! Of course I know more dance steps! Stand back! Here I go! RRRRAWR!!!”
    stompity-boppity, stompity-boppity
    Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.
    stompity-boppity, stompity-boppity
    Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.
    Stamp, bamp, buh-dampity
    Stamp, bamp, buh-dampity
    Wham, Bam, Slamity-Bam!
    “How’s that?”
    “Ain’t no sign of them little ol’ IndiGoGo Girls yet, Gumibara. I don’t know what’s wrong.”
    “I say, gentlemen, if I may make an observation, eh hem? It would seem that our Koalan friend has a penchant for thrashing himself about, in a manner that is very much anathemic to our desired visitors. I would suggest that our gracious Gumibara send out a dancing summons more in accord with the ladies’ preferred musical format.”
    “Oh, sure, I get you, Persephone! Less stomping around, and more stationary, side to side, hip bounces! Hey, Persephone, is this right? Am I getting the arm movements like they do? Hey, Persephone look at me! Are you watching? Is this it?”
    “Yes, Gumibara, that is it precisely! Dance with an emphasis on hip maneuvers! Hear, hear! That is wonderful dear fellow! Your forward and backward pelvic thrust, while arguably an indecent public display, are certainly of an energy and enthusiasm which the young ladies prefer. That’s it, Gumibara, your natural wiggling and jiggling attributes are perfectly suited to this sort of popular culture gyration sweeping the island nation. Hear, hear, I