auxiliary verbs in particular may signal lower power is not entirely clear. Auxiliary verbs (such as is , have , do ) are generally part of a passive way of speaking: “He was hit by the ball” as opposed to the more active “The ball hit him.”
The similarity in word use across age, sex, and social class is only a small part of the puzzle of function words and social psychology. Being a woman or a man, young or old, rich or poor is only a small part of our identities. We have just glimpsed the language of who we are. In the next chapter, we dig more deeply into the individual psychology of each of us.
CHAPTER 4
Personality: Finding the Person Within
W HO ARE YOU? You, yes, you—the one reading these words right now—are the sum of your traits, values, stories, skills, job, friends, relationships, material possessions, and, of course, the words you use. Stop for a second and think how you would describe yourself to a stranger. Be careful, however. In this chapter, you will see how your choice of function words reveals more than you might guess.
Most online dating services encourage their members to write something revealing about themselves on their websites. As it happens, my students and I have collected a few thousand such self-descriptions in our research. Some examples:
I’m a nice person. Very down to earth. Drama-free. Hard worker. Caring. Honest. Sympathetic. Supportive. Intuitive. Inquisitive. Curious. I’m not superficial. I don’t keep superficial relationships. Got great friends and a good life.
—Juan, 27-year-old male
I have a great build. I am a good cook, have a fantastic job, home owner, exceptional morals, good decision maker, non smoker, no baggage and marriage minded. I love biking, kayaking, swimming, jet skis, hiking, snowboarding, rollerblading, horseback riding. I also have a great interest in music, movies, plays, comedy clubs etc.
—Marcus, 39-year-old male
Father of two girls. I have a house, truck, dogs, kids. like to be outside and love football and my girls.
—Tony, 31-year-old male
* * *
I am a romantic, enthusiastic, passionate and fun-loving woman. Immensely important to me are family, friends, kindness, integrity and especially laughter. I balance my dedication to my work with my spiritual life through daily meditations and a healthy lifestyle. I celebrate every day.
—Margaret, 53-year-old female
I consider myself a very eclectic individual. I can have fun almost anywhere and will try anything once … (except maybe country line dancing). I’ve had some unique experiences in my life and will continue to explore what life has to offer. I dig antiques, knitting and crocheting, and my 13 year old car that I refuse to let go despite the fact that my window is temperamental and only rolls down when it feels like it and I have to tape some wires together for my brake lights to work. I’m a makeup artist so naturally there’s a girly girl side to me.
—Gigi, 31-year-old female
The people who know me best consider me to be a warm-hearted, generous friend, independent, resourceful, but a bit stubborn at times.
—Mirah, 34-year-old female
Reading personal ads is a little like watching parts of movies. Each description tells a story about the writer both in what is said and in how it is said. For example, compare the first three men. Juan, the twenty-seven-year-old, describes himself in traditional personality dimensions that are inherently social—honest, sympathetic, supportive. And then he ends with a factual statement that he has great friends. The thirty-nine-year-old Marcus describes himself by his actions and possessions. There is no sense of his emotions or connections with others. But he does have a great build. The description by the thirty-one-year-old Tony is oddly poignant. In a handful of words, he conveys a socially isolated life with his few possessions, his dogs, but, most important, his daughters.
The
The similarity in word use across age, sex, and social class is only a small part of the puzzle of function words and social psychology. Being a woman or a man, young or old, rich or poor is only a small part of our identities. We have just glimpsed the language of who we are. In the next chapter, we dig more deeply into the individual psychology of each of us.
CHAPTER 4
Personality: Finding the Person Within
W HO ARE YOU? You, yes, you—the one reading these words right now—are the sum of your traits, values, stories, skills, job, friends, relationships, material possessions, and, of course, the words you use. Stop for a second and think how you would describe yourself to a stranger. Be careful, however. In this chapter, you will see how your choice of function words reveals more than you might guess.
Most online dating services encourage their members to write something revealing about themselves on their websites. As it happens, my students and I have collected a few thousand such self-descriptions in our research. Some examples:
I’m a nice person. Very down to earth. Drama-free. Hard worker. Caring. Honest. Sympathetic. Supportive. Intuitive. Inquisitive. Curious. I’m not superficial. I don’t keep superficial relationships. Got great friends and a good life.
—Juan, 27-year-old male
I have a great build. I am a good cook, have a fantastic job, home owner, exceptional morals, good decision maker, non smoker, no baggage and marriage minded. I love biking, kayaking, swimming, jet skis, hiking, snowboarding, rollerblading, horseback riding. I also have a great interest in music, movies, plays, comedy clubs etc.
—Marcus, 39-year-old male
Father of two girls. I have a house, truck, dogs, kids. like to be outside and love football and my girls.
—Tony, 31-year-old male
* * *
I am a romantic, enthusiastic, passionate and fun-loving woman. Immensely important to me are family, friends, kindness, integrity and especially laughter. I balance my dedication to my work with my spiritual life through daily meditations and a healthy lifestyle. I celebrate every day.
—Margaret, 53-year-old female
I consider myself a very eclectic individual. I can have fun almost anywhere and will try anything once … (except maybe country line dancing). I’ve had some unique experiences in my life and will continue to explore what life has to offer. I dig antiques, knitting and crocheting, and my 13 year old car that I refuse to let go despite the fact that my window is temperamental and only rolls down when it feels like it and I have to tape some wires together for my brake lights to work. I’m a makeup artist so naturally there’s a girly girl side to me.
—Gigi, 31-year-old female
The people who know me best consider me to be a warm-hearted, generous friend, independent, resourceful, but a bit stubborn at times.
—Mirah, 34-year-old female
Reading personal ads is a little like watching parts of movies. Each description tells a story about the writer both in what is said and in how it is said. For example, compare the first three men. Juan, the twenty-seven-year-old, describes himself in traditional personality dimensions that are inherently social—honest, sympathetic, supportive. And then he ends with a factual statement that he has great friends. The thirty-nine-year-old Marcus describes himself by his actions and possessions. There is no sense of his emotions or connections with others. But he does have a great build. The description by the thirty-one-year-old Tony is oddly poignant. In a handful of words, he conveys a socially isolated life with his few possessions, his dogs, but, most important, his daughters.
The
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