command with her feet. I felt that after
my long and soulful explanation they should not still
sneak messages to each other. My nerves were so taut that their covert foot
movements were just the thing to send me into a rage. I yelled at
them at the top of my lungs and banged on the table with
my right hand. Rosa stood up with unbelievable speed, and I suppose as a
response to her sudden movement, my body, by itself, without the
notice of my reason, moved a step back, just in time to avoid by inches a blow
from a massive stick or some heavy object that Rosa was wielding
in her left hand. It came down on the table with a thunderous noise.
I heard again, as I had heard the night before while dona Soledad was
choking me, a most peculiar and mysterious sound, a dry sound like a
pipe breaking, right behind my windpipe at the base of my
neck. My ears popped, and with the speed of lightning my left arm came down on
top of Rosa's stick and crushed it. I saw the whole scene myself, as if I had
been watching a movie.
Rosa screamed and I realized then that I had leaned forward
with all my weight and had struck the back of her hand with my
left fist. I was appalled. Whatever was happening to me was not real.
It was a nightmare. Rosa kept on screaming. Lidia took her into don Juan's
room. I heard her yells of pain for a few moments longer and then they stopped. I sat down
at the table. My thoughts were disassociated
and incoherent.
The peculiar sound at the base of my neck was something I had become
keenly aware of. Don Juan had described it as the sound one makes at the moment
of changing speed. I had the faint recollection of having
experienced it in his company. Although I had become aware of it the previous
night, I had not fully acknowledged it until it happened with Rosa. I realized
then that the sound had created a special sensation of heat on the
roof of my mouth and inside my ears. The force and
dryness of the sound made me think of the peal of a large, cracked bell.
Lidia returned awhile later. She seemed more calm and collected. She
even smiled. I asked her to please help me unravel that riddle and tell me what
had happened. After a long vacillation she told me that when I had yelled and
banged on the table Rosa got excited and nervous, and believing I was going to
hurt them, she had tried to strike me with her "dream hand." I had dodged her blow and hit her on the back of her
hand, the same way I had struck dona Soledad. Lidia said that Rosa's hand would be useless unless I found a way to
help her.
Rosa walked into the room then. Her arm was wrapped with a
piece of cloth. She looked at me. Her eyes were like those of a
child. My feelings were at the height of turmoil. Some part of me
felt ugly and guilty. But again another part remained unruffled. Had it not
been for that part I would not have survived either dona Soledad's attack or Rosa's devastating blow.
After a long silence I told them that it was very petty of me to be
annoyed by their foot messages, but that there was no
comparison between yelling or banging on the table and what Rosa had
done. In view of the fact that I had no familiarity with their practices, she
could have severed my arm with her blow.
I demanded, in a very intimidating tone, to see her hand. She
reluctantly unwrapped it. It was swollen and red. There was no doubt
left in my mind that these people were carrying out some sort
of test that don Juan had set up for me. By confronting them I was being hurled
into a realm which was impossible to reach or accept in rational
terms. He had said time and time again that my rationality
comprised only a very small part of what he had called the totality of oneself. Under the impact of the unfamiliar and the altogether real danger of my
physical annihilation, my body had had to make use of its hidden resources, or
die. The trick seemed to be in the truthful acceptance of
the possibility that such resources exist and can be reached. The years of training had
my long and soulful explanation they should not still
sneak messages to each other. My nerves were so taut that their covert foot
movements were just the thing to send me into a rage. I yelled at
them at the top of my lungs and banged on the table with
my right hand. Rosa stood up with unbelievable speed, and I suppose as a
response to her sudden movement, my body, by itself, without the
notice of my reason, moved a step back, just in time to avoid by inches a blow
from a massive stick or some heavy object that Rosa was wielding
in her left hand. It came down on the table with a thunderous noise.
I heard again, as I had heard the night before while dona Soledad was
choking me, a most peculiar and mysterious sound, a dry sound like a
pipe breaking, right behind my windpipe at the base of my
neck. My ears popped, and with the speed of lightning my left arm came down on
top of Rosa's stick and crushed it. I saw the whole scene myself, as if I had
been watching a movie.
Rosa screamed and I realized then that I had leaned forward
with all my weight and had struck the back of her hand with my
left fist. I was appalled. Whatever was happening to me was not real.
It was a nightmare. Rosa kept on screaming. Lidia took her into don Juan's
room. I heard her yells of pain for a few moments longer and then they stopped. I sat down
at the table. My thoughts were disassociated
and incoherent.
The peculiar sound at the base of my neck was something I had become
keenly aware of. Don Juan had described it as the sound one makes at the moment
of changing speed. I had the faint recollection of having
experienced it in his company. Although I had become aware of it the previous
night, I had not fully acknowledged it until it happened with Rosa. I realized
then that the sound had created a special sensation of heat on the
roof of my mouth and inside my ears. The force and
dryness of the sound made me think of the peal of a large, cracked bell.
Lidia returned awhile later. She seemed more calm and collected. She
even smiled. I asked her to please help me unravel that riddle and tell me what
had happened. After a long vacillation she told me that when I had yelled and
banged on the table Rosa got excited and nervous, and believing I was going to
hurt them, she had tried to strike me with her "dream hand." I had dodged her blow and hit her on the back of her
hand, the same way I had struck dona Soledad. Lidia said that Rosa's hand would be useless unless I found a way to
help her.
Rosa walked into the room then. Her arm was wrapped with a
piece of cloth. She looked at me. Her eyes were like those of a
child. My feelings were at the height of turmoil. Some part of me
felt ugly and guilty. But again another part remained unruffled. Had it not
been for that part I would not have survived either dona Soledad's attack or Rosa's devastating blow.
After a long silence I told them that it was very petty of me to be
annoyed by their foot messages, but that there was no
comparison between yelling or banging on the table and what Rosa had
done. In view of the fact that I had no familiarity with their practices, she
could have severed my arm with her blow.
I demanded, in a very intimidating tone, to see her hand. She
reluctantly unwrapped it. It was swollen and red. There was no doubt
left in my mind that these people were carrying out some sort
of test that don Juan had set up for me. By confronting them I was being hurled
into a realm which was impossible to reach or accept in rational
terms. He had said time and time again that my rationality
comprised only a very small part of what he had called the totality of oneself. Under the impact of the unfamiliar and the altogether real danger of my
physical annihilation, my body had had to make use of its hidden resources, or
die. The trick seemed to be in the truthful acceptance of
the possibility that such resources exist and can be reached. The years of training had
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