your mother’s death was her choice. Hers. Neither was your fault. You need to come to terms with that and accept it or we will never be able to get you past this atypical fear of death.
Me: (Sighs loudly) Well, I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree on that.
Palmer: (Growls) Okay. For now. (Steeples his fingers) Can we move into your father’s death then?
Me: No.
Palmer. (Eyebrows raise) No?
Me: No.
Palmer: Do you know when you will be comfortable discussing his passing?
Me: Never.
Session 23:
(Two days ago, right after final exams)
Palmer: Your hair is lighter today. And the brown contacts could actually pass for normal. It’s a good look for you.
Me: (Fingers bottom of hair)Yeah. I just wanted to try something different.
Palmer: (Fails miserably at hiding his grin) So, how did your exams go?
Me: They went well, I think.
Palmer: Your coursework…not easy classes. Why did you choose them?
Me: Honestly?
Palmer: (Nods)
Me: Well, I’ve always excelled in the sciences, so the courses just seemed the obvious choices.
Palmer: (Cocks eyebrow)
Me: (Sighs) And the fact that I wouldn’t have to work with other people, or depend on their participation in stupid projects, definitely was part of the reason I chose them.
Palmer: I see. Well, have you thought about going pre-med? You undoubtedly will have the core curricula to continue down that path.
Me: (Flashes palms) Whoa there, Doc. One step at a time. I’m just trying to survive my freshman year.
Palmer: (Chuckles) Which you are successfully managing to do. And Kaeleb and Quinn? How are they faring?
Me: (Rolls eyes) Kaeleb is annoying. He’s been whistling “You are my Sunshine” when he sees me. Has been for months now. Even in front of his girlfriend of the week. She hates it. And Quinn continues to be oblivious to my history with Kaeleb. (Bites bottom lip) She’s still not eating very much, and under Sabrina’s influence, it’s becoming less and less while her marathon miles continue stacking up. I’m worried about her.
Palmer: (Grunts) I can see why. (Leans forward) Are you still considering telling her about you and Kaeleb? Your history as you call it?
Me: (Nods) Yes. Every time she calls me Raven, I cringe. And Kaeleb snickers. Which is annoying enough to push me over the edge. (Nods again) Soon. We will tell her soon. I think that I’m at the point where I can discuss certain aspects about my past with her that I couldn’t before.
Palmer: Excellent. I think that’s a very large step in the right direction.
Me: (Smiles)
Palmer: Will you allow her to call you Aubrey? Or will you maintain Raven as your identity?
Me: Um, I’m not sure yet. Raven is a part of me, but I’m learning to accept that Aubrey is a part of me, too. Am I ready to become Aubrey? No, not fully. But I think using my birth name may help get me to that point eventually, right?
Palmer: Yes, I think so. The more association you have with that part of your life, the more it will help you cope with your fear of death and to move forward. In doing that, you will eventually be able to combine Raven and Aubrey. You have to remember that you are not either/or, but comprised of both entities.
Me: (Nods)
Palmer: (Smiles) Good. So… you heading home over Winter Break?
Me: Yes, I can’t wait to see Linda actually. I miss her.
Palmer: I’m sure she misses you too. I know she will be glad to see you.
Me: Well, that remains to be seen.
Palmer: (Stands) Will I see you after the break?
Me: (Stands) Of course, Doc. I love our chats. (Punches him in the arm)
Palmer: (Laughs) Well, I guess we’ll be seeing each other soon then.
Me: Yes sir. (Smiles shyly) Um, thanks, you know, for taking the time to talk to me. To help me.
Palmer: (Places hand on my shoulder) You’re very welcome. We can continue next semester working through anything else we come across. But, you really should be thanking yourself. You’re doing all the hard work. (Squeezes shoulder) I’m
Me: (Sighs loudly) Well, I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree on that.
Palmer: (Growls) Okay. For now. (Steeples his fingers) Can we move into your father’s death then?
Me: No.
Palmer. (Eyebrows raise) No?
Me: No.
Palmer: Do you know when you will be comfortable discussing his passing?
Me: Never.
Session 23:
(Two days ago, right after final exams)
Palmer: Your hair is lighter today. And the brown contacts could actually pass for normal. It’s a good look for you.
Me: (Fingers bottom of hair)Yeah. I just wanted to try something different.
Palmer: (Fails miserably at hiding his grin) So, how did your exams go?
Me: They went well, I think.
Palmer: Your coursework…not easy classes. Why did you choose them?
Me: Honestly?
Palmer: (Nods)
Me: Well, I’ve always excelled in the sciences, so the courses just seemed the obvious choices.
Palmer: (Cocks eyebrow)
Me: (Sighs) And the fact that I wouldn’t have to work with other people, or depend on their participation in stupid projects, definitely was part of the reason I chose them.
Palmer: I see. Well, have you thought about going pre-med? You undoubtedly will have the core curricula to continue down that path.
Me: (Flashes palms) Whoa there, Doc. One step at a time. I’m just trying to survive my freshman year.
Palmer: (Chuckles) Which you are successfully managing to do. And Kaeleb and Quinn? How are they faring?
Me: (Rolls eyes) Kaeleb is annoying. He’s been whistling “You are my Sunshine” when he sees me. Has been for months now. Even in front of his girlfriend of the week. She hates it. And Quinn continues to be oblivious to my history with Kaeleb. (Bites bottom lip) She’s still not eating very much, and under Sabrina’s influence, it’s becoming less and less while her marathon miles continue stacking up. I’m worried about her.
Palmer: (Grunts) I can see why. (Leans forward) Are you still considering telling her about you and Kaeleb? Your history as you call it?
Me: (Nods) Yes. Every time she calls me Raven, I cringe. And Kaeleb snickers. Which is annoying enough to push me over the edge. (Nods again) Soon. We will tell her soon. I think that I’m at the point where I can discuss certain aspects about my past with her that I couldn’t before.
Palmer: Excellent. I think that’s a very large step in the right direction.
Me: (Smiles)
Palmer: Will you allow her to call you Aubrey? Or will you maintain Raven as your identity?
Me: Um, I’m not sure yet. Raven is a part of me, but I’m learning to accept that Aubrey is a part of me, too. Am I ready to become Aubrey? No, not fully. But I think using my birth name may help get me to that point eventually, right?
Palmer: Yes, I think so. The more association you have with that part of your life, the more it will help you cope with your fear of death and to move forward. In doing that, you will eventually be able to combine Raven and Aubrey. You have to remember that you are not either/or, but comprised of both entities.
Me: (Nods)
Palmer: (Smiles) Good. So… you heading home over Winter Break?
Me: Yes, I can’t wait to see Linda actually. I miss her.
Palmer: I’m sure she misses you too. I know she will be glad to see you.
Me: Well, that remains to be seen.
Palmer: (Stands) Will I see you after the break?
Me: (Stands) Of course, Doc. I love our chats. (Punches him in the arm)
Palmer: (Laughs) Well, I guess we’ll be seeing each other soon then.
Me: Yes sir. (Smiles shyly) Um, thanks, you know, for taking the time to talk to me. To help me.
Palmer: (Places hand on my shoulder) You’re very welcome. We can continue next semester working through anything else we come across. But, you really should be thanking yourself. You’re doing all the hard work. (Squeezes shoulder) I’m
Similar Books
