The Red-Hot Chili Cook-Off by Carolyn Brown

microwave so he will be fasting in more ways than one.”
    Fate was telling Carlene to go back to Lenny. Even living with a two-timing cheating son of a bitch wouldn’t be as difficult as living with Aunt Sugar, who prayed every time someone sneezed or cussed. The sunlight sparkled against the bits of crystal dumped out on the table and Carlene decided Aunt Sugar’s praying wasn’t nearly as bad as Lenny.
    â€œWhich room do you want?” Carlene’s heart grew heavier every day. Maybe she should just sell the shop to her cousins and move away.
    â€œThe biggest one. I’m moving all my bedroom furniture into it. Jamie can sleep on the couch or in the bathtub for all I care. Tansy, I feel a sinking spell coming on just thinking about kissing his lips after they’d been on Kitty Lovelle’s. I need a good stiff shot of brandy,” Sugar said.
    â€œMama!” Alma Grace raised her voice.
    Sugar dabbed at her eyes with a tissue that Carlene handed her. “Don’t you talk to me in that tone after what you did last night. Hurry up, Tansy, or y’all are going to have to scrape me up off the floor.”
    â€œWe ain’t got brandy in the house but I’ve got something that’ll keep you from fainting.” Josie disappeared from the beading room and returned in two minutes with a red plastic cup of clear liquid.
    â€œDrink it down, Miz Sugar. Don’t come up for air; just chug it right down,” Josie said.
    Carlene was dreaming. It was all a crazy nightmare. This wasn’t happening. She pinched her leg and it hurt like hell. Aunt Sugar drinking? The world was coming to an end.
    â€œWhy would you bring me water?” Sugar asked.
    â€œIt’ll help. I promise.” Josie grinned.
    Sugar turned it up and gulped three times. She slammed the cup down on the table and gasped like a fish out of water for a full minute before she could speak. “My God! That was not water.”
    â€œNope, and you didn’t faint. You might have a little trouble with your balance. Tequila does that sometimes, but you ain’t going to faint,” Josie said. “Now I’ve got to get back to work. Y’all clear on out of here and give me some room. I’ve had all the drama I can stand for one day. I’m an old woman.”
    Old, nothing. You’re like Agnes. You’ll be kickin’ long after the world comes to an end. Carlene wished that she had the nerve to tell her Aunt Sugar that she could not move into one of the spare bedrooms in the same authoritative tone that Josie had sent them all out of the beading room. She couldn’t refuse Sugar but maybe Uncle Jamie would be truly sorry by Monday. Surely three days would be enough fasting and praying. After all, he hadn’t committed adultery.
    How long would it take you to forgive Lenny? her conscience asked.
    â€œThree days past eternity,” she muttered.
    â€œWhat’s that about eternity?” Tansy asked.
    Carlene raised a shoulder. “I was just thinking out loud.”
    â€œWe’re going to take Sugar to Clawdy’s,” Tansy said. “We need to talk about this over coffee until she settles down and you girls need to get back to work. But I’m swearing on Granny Fannin’s Bible right now that this is not the end of that stunt with the candlesticks.”
    ***
    Patrice whispered in Tansy’s ear, “Try your damnedest to talk her out of this idea. Carlene sure don’t need this in her life right now.”
    Alma Grace went to help a new bride who’d come in for fancy white undergarments. Patrice grabbed Carlene’s hand and led her to her office across the hall from the beading room. She shut the door, motioned toward an overstuffed velvet chair in front of her desk, and pulled a bottle of scotch from a drawer.
    â€œSit,” she said as she poured two fingers in a tumbler. She handed it to Carlene and said, “Drink.”
    Carlene