The Red-Hot Chili Cook-Off by Carolyn Brown Page A

did what she was told and then whispered, “She won’t really move in here, will she?”
    â€œIf she stays very long, she’ll find a cook. Aunt Sugar can’t boil water and she doesn’t like eating café food all the time. She’ll either be gone by Monday or there’ll be someone here to do the cooking and cleaning. You won’t have to make a bed or worry about mildew in the toilet and we’ll all gain ten pounds before Aunt Sugar decides that Uncle Jamie is forgiven.”
    â€œGod hates me,” Carlene said. “And I didn’t do a thing but make that pair of red bikini underpants.”
    Patrice poured another drink and handed it to Carlene. “Lenny’s Mama should have drowned him at birth. He’s the cause of every bit of this. And to think that he smashed up Granny’s candlesticks like that.”
    Carlene looked long and hard at the square bottle of scotch. “I’d have another if I didn’t need to work all afternoon. Why would he do that, Patrice? It’s the only thing I asked for and now Mama will hire Tip Gordon. I know she will.”
    Patrice perched a hip on the desk. “I hope she does. Hell, he’s the best divorce lawyer in the whole state. Carson might be the best in north Texas, but Tip could sell a cigarette lighter to the devil.”
    â€œBut why would he smash those candleholders?” Carlene asked again.
    â€œBecause some men are born stupid and Lenny is Kitty’s son, isn’t he? That gives him a double dose of dumb. Your punishment for marrying Lenny was having Kitty for a mother-in-law. I’m surprised you didn’t poison her long ago,” Patrice said.
    â€œShe sprinkles strychnine on her cereal like sugar. It’s vitamins to her, so poison wouldn’t do the trick. I’m not sure a stake through the heart could kill that woman.” Carlene giggled.
    Patrice smiled. Thank God for good scotch. It cured a multitude of problems. She had faith that her mama could talk Sugar out of moving into Bless My Bloomers. No one, not even Sugar, could out-talk Tansy Cordell. If worse came to worst, Tansy would start talking about her psychic powers telling her that Jamie had already repented. Yes, ma’am, Tansy would take care of it.
    Customers arrived in a steady flow most of the afternoon—enough to keep Alma Grace busy but not enough that Patrice had to come out of her office to help wait on them. She peeked in on Carlene several times during the day but she hardly looked up from the table where she and Josie designed and decorated corsets all afternoon.
    By four o’clock she had convinced herself that it had all blown over and that her mother had gotten the job done. Then the front door opened and Aunt Sugar’s voice floated down the hall.
    â€œFollow me, boys. I’ll show you exactly where to set up the bed and put my things. Girls, I’m here. I only brought enough for one closet so I don’t need your help. Y’all just keep on working. Carlene, honey, we’ll get burgers for supper tonight and decide how we’re going to manage without a cook after that.”
    Patrice’s forehead hit the desk with a thud. The whole damn world had turned upside down. First Lenny whoring around and now Aunt Sugar moving into Bless My Bloomers. What next?

Chapter 6
    Alma Grace stared at the bowl of cold cereal. “Daddy, what are we going to do?”
    Jamie shook his head slowly from side to side. “Can you cook?”
    â€œI can make ham sandwiches and open a can of soup.”
    â€œThen I guess we’ll let Miss Clawdy’s feed us breakfast and lunch and we’ll eat ham sandwiches for supper. And just so you know, I did not kiss Kitty Lovelle. She kissed me and I backed away from her, left her standing right there in the middle of the street. I did not buy your Mama that ring to appease my conscience either. I bought it because I love her and the