for someone you know will leave you, sooner rather than later.
He adds, “That’s why I was in the library the other night. I wanted to be near people. It’s really quiet out in the country at night. And, yeah…” His voice drops. “Lonely.”
That feels like big admission. Warmth swells in my chest over the fact that he trusted me with it. As I recall, he was hiding in an upstairs conference room for privacy, but I understand what he’s saying. It’s different knowing folks are nearby, even if they’re not in the room with you. That trailer in the middle of nowhere must be super-creepy at night. And that’s the difference between an empty home and one that houses somebody who loves you.
I nod. “Do you know where we’re going?”
“Not exactly.”
“You can come with me.” Then I realize I have the same problem that I had getting a frap with Lila the other day. I have a bike; Shane does not. So I make the ultimate sacrifice. “Do you know how to ride?”
“A bike?” He looks at me like I’m crazy. “Well, yeah.”
“Sweet. Then we can double up. We’re going to a vacant lot downtown, not too far. I hope you have good balance.”
“I don’t trip over my own feet. Generally.”
“How do you get to school?” I ask.
“Bus, usually. But if I stick around to do something in town and miss it, then I walk.”
“That must take forever,” I observe.
“It’s not so bad.”
“So I’ll meet you outside after school?”
Shane nods. He drops me at my next class, and I spend the next two hours daydreaming. If there was a quiz in econ, I don’t remember. I hope I didn’t write my name on a blank paper. I join the throng streaming toward the front doors. Do I need anything from my locker? Trash bags. So I stop, load up, then head out. The crowd has thinned a little by the time I get outside.
Shane’s already waiting for me. I could so get used to this. “Hey. You ready?” I ask.
“Yeah. I can’t wait to go serve the community.”
“Hey.” I aim an admonishing finger at him. “Caring’s cool.”
He laughs, as I intend him to. Trying to act like I’m not nervous, I climb on the bike first and take the seat. Shane’s obviously done this before, as he swings on and pushes into motion. I hang on to his waist, trying not to stare at his butt as he pedals. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m totally looking. My backpack, stuffed with biodegradable trash bags, wobbles madly until I’m afraid we’ll tip. We’re both cracking up by the time we arrive at the lot, but he’s not even out of breath.
“I haven’t done that since junior high,” he says.
“I never have.”
And I thought I never would.
Normal pleasures like this are reserved for girls without a shadow staring back at them in the mirror. But whether I deserve this or not, I don’t care. It’s too sweet to stop.
CHAPTER TEN
Shane helps me off the bike, and I’m pretty sure I’m not imagining the intensity as he gazes into my eyes. We’re having a moment.
Which is promptly interrupted by Gwen blowing a whistle. “Awesome, everyone’s here. I’m dividing you up into pairs, and the team who fills the most bags wins a ten-dollar gift certificate from the Coffee Shop.”
She points at people seemingly at random, and I end up with Lila. I’m not sad about it. This gives me a chance to recover from riding behind Shane. At this point, I suspect Gwen of being the devil because she puts Shane with Ryan. The four sophomores are paired among themselves, which leaves Tara with Conrad, who looks more than usually stoned. Gwen gets Kenny, and the moment he finds out he’s not working with Tara, he exhales a sigh audible all the way over here. I think Gwen crushed his dreams.
Lila nudges me, a grin slowly spreading. “You and New Kid, huh? That was fast.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You let him ride your bike.” Somehow she makes this sound absolutely filthy. “I bet Ryan never did.”
As
He adds, “That’s why I was in the library the other night. I wanted to be near people. It’s really quiet out in the country at night. And, yeah…” His voice drops. “Lonely.”
That feels like big admission. Warmth swells in my chest over the fact that he trusted me with it. As I recall, he was hiding in an upstairs conference room for privacy, but I understand what he’s saying. It’s different knowing folks are nearby, even if they’re not in the room with you. That trailer in the middle of nowhere must be super-creepy at night. And that’s the difference between an empty home and one that houses somebody who loves you.
I nod. “Do you know where we’re going?”
“Not exactly.”
“You can come with me.” Then I realize I have the same problem that I had getting a frap with Lila the other day. I have a bike; Shane does not. So I make the ultimate sacrifice. “Do you know how to ride?”
“A bike?” He looks at me like I’m crazy. “Well, yeah.”
“Sweet. Then we can double up. We’re going to a vacant lot downtown, not too far. I hope you have good balance.”
“I don’t trip over my own feet. Generally.”
“How do you get to school?” I ask.
“Bus, usually. But if I stick around to do something in town and miss it, then I walk.”
“That must take forever,” I observe.
“It’s not so bad.”
“So I’ll meet you outside after school?”
Shane nods. He drops me at my next class, and I spend the next two hours daydreaming. If there was a quiz in econ, I don’t remember. I hope I didn’t write my name on a blank paper. I join the throng streaming toward the front doors. Do I need anything from my locker? Trash bags. So I stop, load up, then head out. The crowd has thinned a little by the time I get outside.
Shane’s already waiting for me. I could so get used to this. “Hey. You ready?” I ask.
“Yeah. I can’t wait to go serve the community.”
“Hey.” I aim an admonishing finger at him. “Caring’s cool.”
He laughs, as I intend him to. Trying to act like I’m not nervous, I climb on the bike first and take the seat. Shane’s obviously done this before, as he swings on and pushes into motion. I hang on to his waist, trying not to stare at his butt as he pedals. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m totally looking. My backpack, stuffed with biodegradable trash bags, wobbles madly until I’m afraid we’ll tip. We’re both cracking up by the time we arrive at the lot, but he’s not even out of breath.
“I haven’t done that since junior high,” he says.
“I never have.”
And I thought I never would.
Normal pleasures like this are reserved for girls without a shadow staring back at them in the mirror. But whether I deserve this or not, I don’t care. It’s too sweet to stop.
CHAPTER TEN
Shane helps me off the bike, and I’m pretty sure I’m not imagining the intensity as he gazes into my eyes. We’re having a moment.
Which is promptly interrupted by Gwen blowing a whistle. “Awesome, everyone’s here. I’m dividing you up into pairs, and the team who fills the most bags wins a ten-dollar gift certificate from the Coffee Shop.”
She points at people seemingly at random, and I end up with Lila. I’m not sad about it. This gives me a chance to recover from riding behind Shane. At this point, I suspect Gwen of being the devil because she puts Shane with Ryan. The four sophomores are paired among themselves, which leaves Tara with Conrad, who looks more than usually stoned. Gwen gets Kenny, and the moment he finds out he’s not working with Tara, he exhales a sigh audible all the way over here. I think Gwen crushed his dreams.
Lila nudges me, a grin slowly spreading. “You and New Kid, huh? That was fast.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You let him ride your bike.” Somehow she makes this sound absolutely filthy. “I bet Ryan never did.”
As
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