never love anyone else. Yes, love required a lot of trust and that was a quality she had never possessed. She had always known that it would be a challenge to let anyone into her heart. No one had ever loved her simply because she was Angela. This man had confirmed it for her. Even her family had never loved her for the right reasons! To the world she had always been a concept, an idea, the idea of the perfect woman and only she knew that this was not the case. Only Angela knew herself for who she really was. Well, best not to take any chances; Angela vowed never, ever to trust anyone again.
With this she thought she remembered the Duke and Andrew. As if what the man at the party had told her had not been enough to break her, it was happening on the tail end of two of the most tumultuous occurrences of her life. She had almost been taken forcefully…but she had almost been loved. Almost being the key word in both situations.
She felt her heart splinter. She could feel each piece, ragged and sharp, slicing her deeper and causing growing pain. It was simply unbearable. This time she was going to die; right here, right now. She just knew it and so she made no attempt to calm herself. At any moment a sharp piece of her bludgeoned heart was going to make the fatal wound. She would fade from consciousness forever and no one would even care. Well, of course they would care but certainly not for her. Not for Angela. Not—
And then she did fade from consciousness. Everything went black and for the first time ever, she was at peace.
Chapter Nine
Angela was slowly becoming aware of herself and her surroundings. She could feel a slight movement and for a moment she had the sensation that she was and infant being rocked in a cradle. How strange that she should wake from such an emotional ordeal with the sensation of being inside of one of her dreams.
This was not just any dream. It was soothing and it had recurred nearly every night for as long as Angela could remember. She sometimes fell asleep praying that she would have this special dream because no, it really was not just any old dream.
The dream always began the same way; with waking up. She was lying down but not in her own bed. She would not immediately recognize her surroundings but something about it felt comfortable, familiar, and secure. It was at this point during the dream that the secret was always revealed. Two figures had come up to her bed. They looked down at her lovingly. It was her parents. Angela would suddenly look down at herself and realize that she was not the same Angela she remembered. Her arms and legs were tiny, pink, and plump. She was small. She was a baby…and her entire life had been a dream. Even though the dream was soothing, at this point Angela would become afraid.
But not today. Today every aspect of the dream was a welcome comfort. If only it could be real! Angela closed her eyes tightly and squeezed them together as hard as she could. She willed and prayed with every ounce of her being that this dream would be real. Please God, just let this all be a dream…
There was a sudden jolt and Angela was thrust back into herself. She realized now that the movement she had felt was actually the bump of the carriage as it went down the road. Had she fainted after getting in the carriage to escape the party? Yes, she must have. She had a sudden memory of the last moments before she blacked out and remembered the blinding pain she had felt. Now, however, she felt no pain. She was furious and she was numb. How could she have let herself come to this? It was the only thing, the only thing, about being the Bennett woman that she was thankful for. It had made her strong and resilient and she’d be damned if she let anyone take that away from her.
She closed the door to her heart but she opened her mind. From this moment on her life was hers to create. She was in charge of her destiny.
***
By the time the carriage came to a stop in front of the
With this she thought she remembered the Duke and Andrew. As if what the man at the party had told her had not been enough to break her, it was happening on the tail end of two of the most tumultuous occurrences of her life. She had almost been taken forcefully…but she had almost been loved. Almost being the key word in both situations.
She felt her heart splinter. She could feel each piece, ragged and sharp, slicing her deeper and causing growing pain. It was simply unbearable. This time she was going to die; right here, right now. She just knew it and so she made no attempt to calm herself. At any moment a sharp piece of her bludgeoned heart was going to make the fatal wound. She would fade from consciousness forever and no one would even care. Well, of course they would care but certainly not for her. Not for Angela. Not—
And then she did fade from consciousness. Everything went black and for the first time ever, she was at peace.
Chapter Nine
Angela was slowly becoming aware of herself and her surroundings. She could feel a slight movement and for a moment she had the sensation that she was and infant being rocked in a cradle. How strange that she should wake from such an emotional ordeal with the sensation of being inside of one of her dreams.
This was not just any dream. It was soothing and it had recurred nearly every night for as long as Angela could remember. She sometimes fell asleep praying that she would have this special dream because no, it really was not just any old dream.
The dream always began the same way; with waking up. She was lying down but not in her own bed. She would not immediately recognize her surroundings but something about it felt comfortable, familiar, and secure. It was at this point during the dream that the secret was always revealed. Two figures had come up to her bed. They looked down at her lovingly. It was her parents. Angela would suddenly look down at herself and realize that she was not the same Angela she remembered. Her arms and legs were tiny, pink, and plump. She was small. She was a baby…and her entire life had been a dream. Even though the dream was soothing, at this point Angela would become afraid.
But not today. Today every aspect of the dream was a welcome comfort. If only it could be real! Angela closed her eyes tightly and squeezed them together as hard as she could. She willed and prayed with every ounce of her being that this dream would be real. Please God, just let this all be a dream…
There was a sudden jolt and Angela was thrust back into herself. She realized now that the movement she had felt was actually the bump of the carriage as it went down the road. Had she fainted after getting in the carriage to escape the party? Yes, she must have. She had a sudden memory of the last moments before she blacked out and remembered the blinding pain she had felt. Now, however, she felt no pain. She was furious and she was numb. How could she have let herself come to this? It was the only thing, the only thing, about being the Bennett woman that she was thankful for. It had made her strong and resilient and she’d be damned if she let anyone take that away from her.
She closed the door to her heart but she opened her mind. From this moment on her life was hers to create. She was in charge of her destiny.
***
By the time the carriage came to a stop in front of the
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