I knew that I felt something for this young man and had no wish to lose sight of him. I also suspected, in my youthful arrogance, that he felt the same attraction towards me. I hoped he would linger outside for a while, and I was proved right in this. At the first opportunity I sent Maura out to look for him and give him a little note. She found him hiding around the corner, not having stirred more than twenty feet from my door.’
Her eyes were once more alight with pride and love, and Chrissie’s heart went out to her. ‘I think it wonderfully romantic, as well as exciting.’
The old lady frowned. ‘If it was, then it gradually deteriorated into a horror story, which I really don’t care to relate, or recall.’ Her grandmother was on her feet, her expression now cool and determined. ‘I’m glad to see you’ve taken my advice and are now relishing Hetty’s excellent repasts. Now, I must attend to my neglected paperwork, which is just as well, as I’ve talked far too much.’ Making it very plain she would say no more.
The morning spent with Ben had unsettled Chrissie somewhat. The following day, needing time to think andevaluate what she had learnt about her grandmother, she took a long walk out into the countryside. Escaping the town with its ice cream stalls, noisy trippers and crowded streets, she went through a kissing gate and walked up out on to the rocky summit of Brant Fell. It was a steep climb, taking the better part of an hour, but worth the effort. At the top Chrissie sat on a tussock of grass to catch her breath, enchanted by the magnificent view over Lake Windermere to the Coniston fells and Fairfield.
So much to think about, not least Ben’s effect upon her, which had been startling, just when she’d resolved to give up men for good. How fickle she was. She really must not allow herself to be influenced by a winning smile. She really had no intention of falling in love, not ever again.
But the discovery that she actually had rather a large family was even more disturbing. Yet they were all strangers to her, and in that moment Chrissie experienced an odd sense of loneliness. She’d never been given the chance to get to know them, her own family. They hadn’t been a part of her life, or she theirs.
Even more sad than losing a family she never knew existed, her one night with Tom had not produced the child she’d hoped for, and Chrissie realised that by denying herself marriage, she would also lose the opportunity to create a family of her own. It felt like a double blow. No children of her own, that most precious gift, nor a ready-made family to visit and be a part of. She couldn’t help but regret the many delightful summers she might have spent here in the Lakes had it not been for this silly squabble.
But she couldn’t find it in her heart to blame her mother for keeping quiet. If her own brother and sisters wouldn’t even speak to her, then she must have believed it was for the best not to even mention them to her daughter. How could Chrissie judge whether that was right, since she didn’t know the full story?
Vanessa had pretty well said as much yesterday afternoon when Chrissie had telephoned on her return from the boat trip, to challenge her with what she’d discovered.
‘My brother and sisters didn’t support me at the time, so why should I bother to keep in touch? They had ample opportunity to contact me , but never did.’
‘Did they know where you lived?’
‘They could have made it their business to find out.’
‘How? We never stayed in one place longer than a few months.’
‘We didn’t leave Chelsea until 1932, and not even my sisters wrote to me after that, not once.’
Chrissie admitted that must have been hard. ‘Why did you stop coming to the Lakes, Mum – was there another quarrel?’
‘I’ve already told you, I don’t remember.’
Chrissie didn’t believe her. ‘You could at least have told me they existed, if nothing else.’
‘So that
Her eyes were once more alight with pride and love, and Chrissie’s heart went out to her. ‘I think it wonderfully romantic, as well as exciting.’
The old lady frowned. ‘If it was, then it gradually deteriorated into a horror story, which I really don’t care to relate, or recall.’ Her grandmother was on her feet, her expression now cool and determined. ‘I’m glad to see you’ve taken my advice and are now relishing Hetty’s excellent repasts. Now, I must attend to my neglected paperwork, which is just as well, as I’ve talked far too much.’ Making it very plain she would say no more.
The morning spent with Ben had unsettled Chrissie somewhat. The following day, needing time to think andevaluate what she had learnt about her grandmother, she took a long walk out into the countryside. Escaping the town with its ice cream stalls, noisy trippers and crowded streets, she went through a kissing gate and walked up out on to the rocky summit of Brant Fell. It was a steep climb, taking the better part of an hour, but worth the effort. At the top Chrissie sat on a tussock of grass to catch her breath, enchanted by the magnificent view over Lake Windermere to the Coniston fells and Fairfield.
So much to think about, not least Ben’s effect upon her, which had been startling, just when she’d resolved to give up men for good. How fickle she was. She really must not allow herself to be influenced by a winning smile. She really had no intention of falling in love, not ever again.
But the discovery that she actually had rather a large family was even more disturbing. Yet they were all strangers to her, and in that moment Chrissie experienced an odd sense of loneliness. She’d never been given the chance to get to know them, her own family. They hadn’t been a part of her life, or she theirs.
Even more sad than losing a family she never knew existed, her one night with Tom had not produced the child she’d hoped for, and Chrissie realised that by denying herself marriage, she would also lose the opportunity to create a family of her own. It felt like a double blow. No children of her own, that most precious gift, nor a ready-made family to visit and be a part of. She couldn’t help but regret the many delightful summers she might have spent here in the Lakes had it not been for this silly squabble.
But she couldn’t find it in her heart to blame her mother for keeping quiet. If her own brother and sisters wouldn’t even speak to her, then she must have believed it was for the best not to even mention them to her daughter. How could Chrissie judge whether that was right, since she didn’t know the full story?
Vanessa had pretty well said as much yesterday afternoon when Chrissie had telephoned on her return from the boat trip, to challenge her with what she’d discovered.
‘My brother and sisters didn’t support me at the time, so why should I bother to keep in touch? They had ample opportunity to contact me , but never did.’
‘Did they know where you lived?’
‘They could have made it their business to find out.’
‘How? We never stayed in one place longer than a few months.’
‘We didn’t leave Chelsea until 1932, and not even my sisters wrote to me after that, not once.’
Chrissie admitted that must have been hard. ‘Why did you stop coming to the Lakes, Mum – was there another quarrel?’
‘I’ve already told you, I don’t remember.’
Chrissie didn’t believe her. ‘You could at least have told me they existed, if nothing else.’
‘So that
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