The Orchid Eater by Marc Laidlaw Page A

they can get out faster if they start whacking off to the Bible ’stead
of beaver magazines. Keep on thumpin’ that ol’ black book, Hawk, I don’t care.
But leave me out of it. I’m a good Catholic, man, and you don’t know nothing
about us. I got my own road to Heaven.”
    Hawk turned
away from him. “I’m glad you do, Dusty, because you sure need it. But these
boys here are different. They need role models, especially the primo example of
that righteous dude who lived and died for them two thousand years ago. I’m not
talking about some magic man who turned water into wine and brought the dead to
life; I’m talking about the real guy those stories are based on. I’m talking
about the real life of the straight-talkin’, woman-lovin’, two-fisted fightin’
Jesus.”
    “Hey, Hawk,”
Edgar said suddenly, “do you think Jesus had ESP?”
    Hawk said
nothing for a minute. He stared at Edgar, and shook his head. That disappointed
look again. “Edgar . . .  ”
    “It would
explain some things, wouldn’t it? Maybe he made people think he was doing
miracles without actually doing them. I mean, getting inside their heads and
making them see what he saw. That would still be pretty miraculous, wouldn’t it?”
    “Edgar . . . ”
    “Walking on
water, and that stuff with Lazarus, I mean maybe he was in like a catatonic
state and Jesus just—”
    “Edgar!”
    Edgar fell
silent.
    Hawk looked
exasperated after yelling; he collected himself, taking a breath before
speaking again. Mike was afraid he might go on all night, and he would never
get the place cleaned up. The only way they were going to get out of here was
if they all pretended to take his lessons to heart. And if that was all it
took, it would be worth it. Out-hypocrisy the old hypocrite.
    “I think
that’s really, really true,” he said to the other boys. “What Hawk’s been
saying.”
    He could see
Hawk’s eyes brighten, snapping toward him.
    “We should
all learn a lesson from this,” Mike said.
    “Okay,
finally, someone’s hearing me,” Hawk said. “What is this, all you guys tired of
listening to me? Only makes sense to someone who’s never heard it before?”
    “I’ll bet
they get it,” Mike said. “Don’t you, guys?”
    Around the
room, warming to his method as if by a closed-circuit telepathy from which Hawk
was excluded, the others began to nod. “Yeah, really, Hawk. It’ll never happen
again.”
    “Right on.”
    “Yeah, man,
we see what you’re saying.”
    “Leave Sal
alone,” Hawk said.
    “Sure, man.”
    “Whatever
you say.”
    “What he
does is between him and Heaven, all right? You guys aren’t the ones to pass
judgment on him. You should be worried about the judgment someone’s sure as
shit going to pass on you.”
    “Amen to
that,” said Scott.
    They all
struggled to their feet, realizing that the worst had passed.
    “Can we get
a ride, Hawk?” Howard said.
    With a surge
of relief, Mike realized that everyone was finally leaving. The house was
intact. He’d had a scare, but that was all. It wasn’t going to get any worse.
He never had to see any of these guys again. Monday he’d go back to Glantz
Appliances and doodle in the storeroom, hang out with Scott, figure out how he
was going to get laid. Everything would be the same as before.
    He followed
them outside, switching on the carport light. Hawk’s Jeep was a sight, with a
huge chrome-plated cross for a hood ornament, a row of glowing Jesus figurines
on the dashboard, and verse from the Bible painted all over the sides. He was
embarrassed just seeing it on the same block where he lived.
    Howard and
Craig clambered into the back, squeezing in beside Stoner. Dusty took the front
seat. Hawk slipped into the jeep and the motor roared to life, deafening Mike.
    “Hey!” he
shouted. “What about my key?”
    Hawk sucked
in his cheeks a little, giving Mike a look he couldn’t quite read. Maybe he
knew Mike had been fooling when he pretended to agree