on the second floor. She said, “Okay. The booth can stay in front for one month only. We’ll have to figure out what to do with the loss of all this shelf space back here. One tight aisle of racks might fit over there.” She pointed in Gert’s direction. Sure enough, Gert was watching, not bothering to be shy about it.
“Should we shake on it?” asked Earl. His smile made her bowels twist, it was so wrenchingly hot. She felt a fantasy coming on, the one where he came into her office after hours, closed the door, and took off all his clothes, piece by piece, until he stood in front of her stark naked, one hand gripping a gigantic erection.
“Just hurry up and get it over with,” she said.
Earl shrugged and put the earphones back on. Betty turned to go, relieved to be done with another interaction with him. She hadn’t taken three steps when Gert appeared at her side.
“Come with me,” her assistant instructed.
Betty, still weak from her flash of fantasy, hadn’t the strength to protest. When Gert had something to say, the flow of her words was a force of nature—like a tornado or hurricane—that couldn’t be stopped had Betty tried.
Gert escorted her behind the checkout desk in the CD section. Uncomfortably close to Earl. He was well within Betty’s eye-and ear-shot. When he coughed, she could hear it.
Betty said, “How can I help you?”
“You can help yourself,” said Gert.
“To what?”
“You are rude, condescending, and outright hostile to that man,” said Gert. “That’s no way to treat someone you’re interested in. Don’t give me the innocent look. I can tell you like him because you’re bitchy to him. You’re always mean to the men you’re attracted to. It’s the kind of thing girls do when they’re in high school. Junior high. They don’t know how to handle their feelings, so they react with hostility.”
“Where’d you dream that up?”
“I didn’t dream it. I lived it,” she said. “After my divorce, I wasn’t very trusting, as you can imagine. I did the same thing. You, on the other hand, don’t have a divorce to hang your stupidity on. But you do have inexperience. You’re still in high school, romantically speaking. Oh, don’t be embarrassed. And don’t scoff as if this doesn’t matter. You have to face your self-destructive tendencies, Betty. We all do. Otherwise, we’ll suffer for them, every day, until we die.”
Betty was impressed. She liked Gert, but hadn’t thought of her as a particularly insightful person. “Thanks for the advice,” said Betty. “And now, you’re fired.”
“I am not.”
“You are.”
“Go over there and be nice to Earl,” she said. “Give him a reason to ask you out, and I bet he will.”
Betty shook her head. “I can’t do it. It’s too hard.”
Gert gave her a soul-sucking look of pathos. She said, “I’ve been watching the two of you.”
“I’ve been watching you watching us.”
“I can tell that he likes you,” she said.
Betty laughed scornfully. He could never. She’d been nothing but dismissive. She wasn’t a crisp wafer of blonde hair and tits that men like Earl gravitated toward. Betty wouldn’t listen to this drivel. It insulted her intelligence. It offended her sensibilities.
She asked, “How can you tell?”
Gert smiled, warmly, motherly. “He chases you around the store. He asks you dozens of useless questions to get your attention. He looks you right in the eye when you talk to each other. I hate to say it, because I’m trying to discourage your adolescent behavior, but your meanness may have intrigued him.”
“So, by that logic, I should continue on the same path.” Done, Betty thought. Back to familiar, comfortable ground.
Gert shook her head. “The time has come to surprise him. You can be a bitch for only so long before intrigue turns into boredom. That’s right,” said Gert, nodding, teased hair floating above her. “The truth hurts. Here’s what you say. ‘Earl,
“Should we shake on it?” asked Earl. His smile made her bowels twist, it was so wrenchingly hot. She felt a fantasy coming on, the one where he came into her office after hours, closed the door, and took off all his clothes, piece by piece, until he stood in front of her stark naked, one hand gripping a gigantic erection.
“Just hurry up and get it over with,” she said.
Earl shrugged and put the earphones back on. Betty turned to go, relieved to be done with another interaction with him. She hadn’t taken three steps when Gert appeared at her side.
“Come with me,” her assistant instructed.
Betty, still weak from her flash of fantasy, hadn’t the strength to protest. When Gert had something to say, the flow of her words was a force of nature—like a tornado or hurricane—that couldn’t be stopped had Betty tried.
Gert escorted her behind the checkout desk in the CD section. Uncomfortably close to Earl. He was well within Betty’s eye-and ear-shot. When he coughed, she could hear it.
Betty said, “How can I help you?”
“You can help yourself,” said Gert.
“To what?”
“You are rude, condescending, and outright hostile to that man,” said Gert. “That’s no way to treat someone you’re interested in. Don’t give me the innocent look. I can tell you like him because you’re bitchy to him. You’re always mean to the men you’re attracted to. It’s the kind of thing girls do when they’re in high school. Junior high. They don’t know how to handle their feelings, so they react with hostility.”
“Where’d you dream that up?”
“I didn’t dream it. I lived it,” she said. “After my divorce, I wasn’t very trusting, as you can imagine. I did the same thing. You, on the other hand, don’t have a divorce to hang your stupidity on. But you do have inexperience. You’re still in high school, romantically speaking. Oh, don’t be embarrassed. And don’t scoff as if this doesn’t matter. You have to face your self-destructive tendencies, Betty. We all do. Otherwise, we’ll suffer for them, every day, until we die.”
Betty was impressed. She liked Gert, but hadn’t thought of her as a particularly insightful person. “Thanks for the advice,” said Betty. “And now, you’re fired.”
“I am not.”
“You are.”
“Go over there and be nice to Earl,” she said. “Give him a reason to ask you out, and I bet he will.”
Betty shook her head. “I can’t do it. It’s too hard.”
Gert gave her a soul-sucking look of pathos. She said, “I’ve been watching the two of you.”
“I’ve been watching you watching us.”
“I can tell that he likes you,” she said.
Betty laughed scornfully. He could never. She’d been nothing but dismissive. She wasn’t a crisp wafer of blonde hair and tits that men like Earl gravitated toward. Betty wouldn’t listen to this drivel. It insulted her intelligence. It offended her sensibilities.
She asked, “How can you tell?”
Gert smiled, warmly, motherly. “He chases you around the store. He asks you dozens of useless questions to get your attention. He looks you right in the eye when you talk to each other. I hate to say it, because I’m trying to discourage your adolescent behavior, but your meanness may have intrigued him.”
“So, by that logic, I should continue on the same path.” Done, Betty thought. Back to familiar, comfortable ground.
Gert shook her head. “The time has come to surprise him. You can be a bitch for only so long before intrigue turns into boredom. That’s right,” said Gert, nodding, teased hair floating above her. “The truth hurts. Here’s what you say. ‘Earl,
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