The Burglar on the Prowl by Lawrence Block

what I just said.”
    “Right. But you said they took the tape. The security cameras were out of commission.”
    “In that buildin’, yeah. But not in the rest of the neighborhood. Jesus, Bernie, you walked past an ATM machine at the Chase bank at the corner of Third and 34th. An’ you walked past a whole lot of buildin’s. You must have been walkin’ around for an hour or so, waitin’ to get the call to go over to the penthouse an’ crack the safe. What you got to remember, Bernie, is that they got these cameras all over the place. They’re not just in lobbies an’ elevators. You walk down a street, any street, you might as well go ahead an’ smile, ’cause it’s a good bet you’re on Candid Camera.”
    “You say you’ve got all these pictures of me. You know, security camera pictures always tend to be blurry and out of focus. How do you even know it’s me?”
    “You want me to tell you what you were wearin’? Khakis an’ a blue blazer. An’ a polo shirt, but not striped like the one you got on today. It was a solid color shirt, but don’t ask me the color, ’cause that I couldn’t tell you.”
    “You’ve got pictures of me,” I said, “but all I’m doing is walking around, and the last I heard that was still legal. The pictures don’t establish that I was doing anything wrong.”
    “They didn’t,” he said. “Not until you opened your mouth and lies started pourin’ out of it.”
    “Huh?”
    “I asked you where you were last night,” he said, “an’ you said you were home, watchin’ TV an’ goin’ to bed early an’ never stirrin’ except to pee. Right in your own bathroom, you said. You recall sayin’ somethin’ along those lines?”
    “I wasn’t under oath,” I said, “so it’s not perjury, but you’re right. I lied.”
    “Now tell me somethin’ I don’t know.”
    “The reason I lied,” I lied, “is I was ashamed to admit where I was.” I turned to Carolyn. “Because you’re here,” I said.
    “What’s Shorty here got to do with it?”
    Carolyn gave him a look. I said, “Oh, hell. There’s a woman I’ve been seeing, and it’s a sick, hopeless relationship, and I swore to Carolyn that I wasn’t going to see her anymore. And I went out last night looking for her.”
    “I bet you went lookin’ in Murray Hill.”
    “As a matter of fact I did. That’s where she lives, but she wasn’t home, so I went around looking in some of the bars and coffee shops she’s apt to frequent.”
    “And did you find her?”
    “Finally, but it took forever.”
    “Bernie, I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” Carolyn chimed in helpfully. “You actually started up with that neurotic bitch after you swore up and down you were through with her.”
    “I know, I know. It was a mistake.”
    “The two of you are somethin’,” Ray said. “One lies an’ the other swears to it. This femme fatality, has she got a name?”
    “Of course she’s got a name.”
    “Yeah, well, don’t tell me, not just yet. First we’ll try a little experiment.” He took out his notebook, tore out a sheet of paper, ripped it in half, and gave half to me and half to Carolyn. “Since youboth know this woman,” he said, “whyntcha both write down her name?”
    We did, and he collected the slips. “ ‘Barbara,’ ” he read. “An’ Barbara. I don’t know how the two of you pulled that one off, but it don’t really matter. I don’t buy the whole story for a second.”
    “Fine,” I said. “It happens to be the truth, but you don’t have to believe it. Take my picture and show it to those people.”
    “What people?”
    “The Rogins, or whatever their name is.”
    “Rogovin.”
    “Fine. Show my picture to the Rogovins and ask them if they can identify me. When they can’t, maybe you’ll go bother somebody else.”
    “Can’t do it, Bernie.”
    “Why not?”
    “They took two bullets apiece in the side of the head, an’ they’re never gonna be able to identify