The New Death and others by James Hutchings Page A
Authors: James Hutchings
Tags: Humor, Fiction, Science-Fiction, Gothic, Fantasy fiction, Fantasy, Humour, Short Stories, dark fantasy, Short-Story, Fairy Tale, funny, Anthology, Fairy Tales, dark, goth, bargain, collection, Fairytale, lovecraftian, flash fiction, budget, flash, hp lovecraft, cheap, robert e howard, lord dunsany, collection of flash fiction, clark ashton smith
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cold
within his final bed.
(back to contents)
++++
The New Magazine
In the year 20__ a new magazine appeared
which only published half-completed stories.
At last, every author who could never finish
anything had a place to submit. The stories were the ideal length
for those who always stopped reading halfway through.
Its major rival was the magazine that
published the last pages of mysteries. This was popular with people
who just wanted to find out who did it.
In the end the magazine which only published
the well-written parts of fan-fiction sent them both out of
business. It had no expenses, since there was never anything in
it.
(back to contents)
++++
The Perfect Woman
Once upon a time there was a young man who
loved a young woman. For a while she loved him too. But soon she
left him. After a time he lost contact with her.
Then he decided he wanted her back. Many
times he thought he saw her. But it was always someone else. He
searched for her name on the internet. Either she had changed her
name, or she had no interest in facebook and the like. He even
looked through the phone directory. He wrote to the addresses where
she might live, thinking that ringing her might be too intrusive.
She did not live at any of those places, or did not want to talk to
him.
He is still looking. In fact she works near
his office, and he often sees her buying lunch or walking by. He
does not recognise her. She has aged as he has aged, but the image
in his mind has not. So the man passes her by without a second
look, as if she is nothing to do with what he seeks. As indeed she
is not, and never was.
(back to contents)
++++
The Lamb's Speech
"O animal-lover," said the lamb
"Yours is a strange affection.
You eat the corpse of what you love
and see no contradiction."
"O animal-lover," said the lamb
"Yours is an awful kindness
that wraps itself in sentiment
and feeds itself in blindness."
"O animal-lover," said the lamb
"You wear our skin as clothing.
How may we tell your gentle love
apart from bitter loathing?"
(back to contents)
++++
Legend: The Story of Kevin
Marley
Once upon a time there was a man named Kevin
Marley. Though Kevin loved his older brother Bob, Bob's fame put
Kevin under a lot of pressure. Everyone expected Kevin to be a
talented, free-spirited voice of a generation like his brother.
Kevin felt like there was a boring, small-minded and uptight man
inside him; a man who the world would never allow to come out.
One day Kevin was having tea with his friends
Chloe Hendrix and Dennis Mix-a-lot. They had the same family
problems he did. Suddenly he had an idea.
"I say you fellows!" he said. "Why don't we
record an album together?"
"But Kevin," Chloe replied. "We have neither
funk nor soul. We lack both beats and rhymes. Such an album would
be a travesty."
"Why, that's the entire point. When everyone
sees how vapid and plodding we are, they won't expect anything more
from us."
---
Across unnameable gulfs of space and time,
the demon stirred.
---
With such famous names it was easy to get
studio time and a record contract. Sadly the arts section of the New Yorker reviewed the three friends' first CD. They called
it a knowing deconstruction of the vacuity of celebrity culture.
Millions of goatee-stroking iPad owners bought it, and Kevin and
his friends became famous overnight. Soon everyone's expectations
were even higher.
"By Jove, Kevin," said Dennis, as they waited
backstage to receive yet another award, "your plan has certainly
landed us in hot water."
---
Dennis' words were truer than he knew. Barry
Hawking and Todd Einstein had been working for months on a glam
metal album. It was the crassest and most ignorant collection of
songs ever recorded. The liner notes misspelled 'boobs'. The two
musicians knew that, at last, the world would no longer expect them
to be serious intellectuals. But, only a few
within his final bed.
(back to contents)
++++
The New Magazine
In the year 20__ a new magazine appeared
which only published half-completed stories.
At last, every author who could never finish
anything had a place to submit. The stories were the ideal length
for those who always stopped reading halfway through.
Its major rival was the magazine that
published the last pages of mysteries. This was popular with people
who just wanted to find out who did it.
In the end the magazine which only published
the well-written parts of fan-fiction sent them both out of
business. It had no expenses, since there was never anything in
it.
(back to contents)
++++
The Perfect Woman
Once upon a time there was a young man who
loved a young woman. For a while she loved him too. But soon she
left him. After a time he lost contact with her.
Then he decided he wanted her back. Many
times he thought he saw her. But it was always someone else. He
searched for her name on the internet. Either she had changed her
name, or she had no interest in facebook and the like. He even
looked through the phone directory. He wrote to the addresses where
she might live, thinking that ringing her might be too intrusive.
She did not live at any of those places, or did not want to talk to
him.
He is still looking. In fact she works near
his office, and he often sees her buying lunch or walking by. He
does not recognise her. She has aged as he has aged, but the image
in his mind has not. So the man passes her by without a second
look, as if she is nothing to do with what he seeks. As indeed she
is not, and never was.
(back to contents)
++++
The Lamb's Speech
"O animal-lover," said the lamb
"Yours is a strange affection.
You eat the corpse of what you love
and see no contradiction."
"O animal-lover," said the lamb
"Yours is an awful kindness
that wraps itself in sentiment
and feeds itself in blindness."
"O animal-lover," said the lamb
"You wear our skin as clothing.
How may we tell your gentle love
apart from bitter loathing?"
(back to contents)
++++
Legend: The Story of Kevin
Marley
Once upon a time there was a man named Kevin
Marley. Though Kevin loved his older brother Bob, Bob's fame put
Kevin under a lot of pressure. Everyone expected Kevin to be a
talented, free-spirited voice of a generation like his brother.
Kevin felt like there was a boring, small-minded and uptight man
inside him; a man who the world would never allow to come out.
One day Kevin was having tea with his friends
Chloe Hendrix and Dennis Mix-a-lot. They had the same family
problems he did. Suddenly he had an idea.
"I say you fellows!" he said. "Why don't we
record an album together?"
"But Kevin," Chloe replied. "We have neither
funk nor soul. We lack both beats and rhymes. Such an album would
be a travesty."
"Why, that's the entire point. When everyone
sees how vapid and plodding we are, they won't expect anything more
from us."
---
Across unnameable gulfs of space and time,
the demon stirred.
---
With such famous names it was easy to get
studio time and a record contract. Sadly the arts section of the New Yorker reviewed the three friends' first CD. They called
it a knowing deconstruction of the vacuity of celebrity culture.
Millions of goatee-stroking iPad owners bought it, and Kevin and
his friends became famous overnight. Soon everyone's expectations
were even higher.
"By Jove, Kevin," said Dennis, as they waited
backstage to receive yet another award, "your plan has certainly
landed us in hot water."
---
Dennis' words were truer than he knew. Barry
Hawking and Todd Einstein had been working for months on a glam
metal album. It was the crassest and most ignorant collection of
songs ever recorded. The liner notes misspelled 'boobs'. The two
musicians knew that, at last, the world would no longer expect them
to be serious intellectuals. But, only a few
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