paying you.’
‘Speaking of which … I’m still not saying I’m taking the job but, if I am, these are my terms.’ I laid it out for him and to my surprise (category: unsettling), he acceded without a fight. He didn’t even haggle.
‘Are you sure you understand?’ I said. ‘A week’s pay. In advance. In cash,’ I stressed. ‘And by that I mean real money, not fuel vouchers.’ I’d been caught that way before. I once spent thirty-nine hours hiding up a tree on a child custody case, ending up with a cold in my spleen, and for my pains I was rewarded with five hundred euro’ worth of kindling.
10
Mum appeared on the landing in her nightdress and curlers as soon as I put the key in the door. ‘It’s ten past three. In the
morning
.’ She came hurrying down the stairs and I was nearly blinded by the shininess of her night-creamed face. ‘Where were you?’
‘Out with Jay Parker. By the way, thanks for telling him he could find me here.’
‘Are you two-timing Artie?’
‘Not out in that way. Out working. You’ll never believe who I met tonight. But you’re not to tell
anyone
. Swear on the Pope’s red leather Gucci man-bag.’
‘John Joseph Hartley and Zeezah.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Jay Parker told me he’s Laddz’s new manager, so I made an educated guess.’
‘I was in their house.’
But she already knew about the Irish wolfhounds and the antler chandelier. There had been a whole issue of
RSVP
dedicated to it. I don’t know how I missed it myself.
‘Jay said he’d get me tickets to the opening night.’
‘Ah, Mum …’
‘
What?
’
‘That makes me look unprofessional.’ And of course there might not be any Laddz gigs at all if Wayne didn’t come back.
‘I spoke to Claire.’ My eldest sister. ‘And she said she wouldn’t come with me.’
Well, that was no surprise. Claire was very, very busy. Also, by nature, reluctant to oblige. They say we’re alike.
‘Then I spoke to Margaret and she said she’d come if I couldn’t get anyone else.’
Margaret, the sister next in line to Claire, was also very busy – two children to Claire’s three – but she had a powerful sense of duty.
‘I don’t want to go with Margaret,’ Mum said.
‘But she’s your favourite child.’
‘She dances like an uncle at a wedding and she’d make a show of me.’
‘You’re no Ashley Banjo yourself.’
‘I’m elderly, no one expects me to bust some moves. Look, I don’t know why, but I’d rather go with you.’
‘Ask Rachel,’ I said. ‘Ask Anna.’ My other sisters. Five of us in total.
‘In case you’d forgotten, they both live in New York.’
‘Ask anyway. You never know your luck.’
‘How many nights of my life have I wasted at your crappy school plays, your boring old ballet things, your awful sports yokes? Between the five of you it was years,
years
, I’m telling you, and all I’m asking for is one night …’
Enough of that. ‘Delightful as it is to be standing at the foot of the stairs, at three fifteen in the morning, listening to you complain, I have some work to do.’
‘Very well,’ she said coldly. ‘Sorry to have taken your precious time.’ She began climbing the stairs, her back stiff with reproach.
‘Have you no friends to go with you to Laddz?’ I called after her.
‘They’re all dead.’
She disappeared into her bedroom and I had an urge to call her back. I wanted someone to talk to, about how weird it had been to see Jay Parker again and how we’d passed so close to where Bronagh used to live and how sad I’d felt. But Mum had never liked Bronagh. The first time she’d met her, Mum had the oddest expression on her face, like she wasthunderstruck. She had stared, bug-eyed, from me to Bronagh and back again, like someone in terrible shock and you could actually see her thinking: ‘I’d thought I had the most difficult child any mother could ever have. But here’s one who’s actually worse.’
And was Bronagh
‘Speaking of which … I’m still not saying I’m taking the job but, if I am, these are my terms.’ I laid it out for him and to my surprise (category: unsettling), he acceded without a fight. He didn’t even haggle.
‘Are you sure you understand?’ I said. ‘A week’s pay. In advance. In cash,’ I stressed. ‘And by that I mean real money, not fuel vouchers.’ I’d been caught that way before. I once spent thirty-nine hours hiding up a tree on a child custody case, ending up with a cold in my spleen, and for my pains I was rewarded with five hundred euro’ worth of kindling.
10
Mum appeared on the landing in her nightdress and curlers as soon as I put the key in the door. ‘It’s ten past three. In the
morning
.’ She came hurrying down the stairs and I was nearly blinded by the shininess of her night-creamed face. ‘Where were you?’
‘Out with Jay Parker. By the way, thanks for telling him he could find me here.’
‘Are you two-timing Artie?’
‘Not out in that way. Out working. You’ll never believe who I met tonight. But you’re not to tell
anyone
. Swear on the Pope’s red leather Gucci man-bag.’
‘John Joseph Hartley and Zeezah.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Jay Parker told me he’s Laddz’s new manager, so I made an educated guess.’
‘I was in their house.’
But she already knew about the Irish wolfhounds and the antler chandelier. There had been a whole issue of
RSVP
dedicated to it. I don’t know how I missed it myself.
‘Jay said he’d get me tickets to the opening night.’
‘Ah, Mum …’
‘
What?
’
‘That makes me look unprofessional.’ And of course there might not be any Laddz gigs at all if Wayne didn’t come back.
‘I spoke to Claire.’ My eldest sister. ‘And she said she wouldn’t come with me.’
Well, that was no surprise. Claire was very, very busy. Also, by nature, reluctant to oblige. They say we’re alike.
‘Then I spoke to Margaret and she said she’d come if I couldn’t get anyone else.’
Margaret, the sister next in line to Claire, was also very busy – two children to Claire’s three – but she had a powerful sense of duty.
‘I don’t want to go with Margaret,’ Mum said.
‘But she’s your favourite child.’
‘She dances like an uncle at a wedding and she’d make a show of me.’
‘You’re no Ashley Banjo yourself.’
‘I’m elderly, no one expects me to bust some moves. Look, I don’t know why, but I’d rather go with you.’
‘Ask Rachel,’ I said. ‘Ask Anna.’ My other sisters. Five of us in total.
‘In case you’d forgotten, they both live in New York.’
‘Ask anyway. You never know your luck.’
‘How many nights of my life have I wasted at your crappy school plays, your boring old ballet things, your awful sports yokes? Between the five of you it was years,
years
, I’m telling you, and all I’m asking for is one night …’
Enough of that. ‘Delightful as it is to be standing at the foot of the stairs, at three fifteen in the morning, listening to you complain, I have some work to do.’
‘Very well,’ she said coldly. ‘Sorry to have taken your precious time.’ She began climbing the stairs, her back stiff with reproach.
‘Have you no friends to go with you to Laddz?’ I called after her.
‘They’re all dead.’
She disappeared into her bedroom and I had an urge to call her back. I wanted someone to talk to, about how weird it had been to see Jay Parker again and how we’d passed so close to where Bronagh used to live and how sad I’d felt. But Mum had never liked Bronagh. The first time she’d met her, Mum had the oddest expression on her face, like she wasthunderstruck. She had stared, bug-eyed, from me to Bronagh and back again, like someone in terrible shock and you could actually see her thinking: ‘I’d thought I had the most difficult child any mother could ever have. But here’s one who’s actually worse.’
And was Bronagh
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