Vote for Larry by Janet Tashjian

the western coordinator, and told him to keep his eyes open. 65
    The mudslinging didn’t stop there.
    Tabloids ran photos of me with Beth, me with Janine, me with every female volunteer they could find, trying to portray me as a political playboy—which would almost be flattering if it weren’t such a joke. 66 They said I was following in President Clinton’s footsteps, that any guy my age would have other things on his mind besides politics. The whole discussion was so tawdry I had to poke myself in the leg with my pen to stay awake during the reporters’ questions.

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    I took our fledgling platform for a test drive at Lexington High School. Because my suggestions for a better country had zero chance of being implemented, I decided to have some fun.

    Peace Party Ideas for a Better Planet
    â€¢ SUVs are now considered buses; people driving them must pull over to bus stops and give others a ride.
    â€¢ All assault weapons are hereby banned; the waiting period for a handgun is now a lifetime.
    â€¢ Standardized testing, including SATs, will no longer be used in schools. Instead, students will be graded on critical thinking and innovative ideas.
    â€¢ The tax on junk food will be 100 percent, with the proceeds funding universal health care.
    â€¢ If the company you work for doesn’t pay you enough to live, it must supply you with free housing to make up for it.

    The audience’s expressions were priceless. 67 The reporters from the Globe and Herald raced out the door.
    When I finished, Simon and Beth pounced.
    â€œWe were supposed to agree on the platform, remember?” Beth said.

    â€œHow do you expect to be taken seriously?” Simon added. “We look like amateurs.”
    â€œGood! There are too many lawyers and lobbyists involved in the process. We need a more homespun approach,” I answered.
    â€œThis isn’t The Beverly Hillbillies, ” Beth said. “Our ideas have to hold up.”
    â€œTo say nothing of messing with personal freedom,” Simon said. “People can eat crap if they want to. Not everyone chooses to live their lives the way you do.”
    â€œI know that. But I’m trying to set us apart from the other candidates.”
    â€œMission accomplished,” Beth said.
    â€œAdmit it,” I continued. “Every one of those suggestions would make this country a better place.”
    â€œAccording to you,” Simon added.
    A group of students waited by the bleachers. A kid with braces and a NO LOGO T-shirt gave me a high five.
    â€œI’ve got one,” he said. “No new golf courses. Instead, developers have to use the land for affordable housing.”
    â€œHow about this?” a girl added. “Every tabloid and celebrity magazine has to be sold in a brown-paper wrapper so we don’t get assaulted by JLo or Ashton Kutcher every time we leave the house.”
    I grabbed my book and jotted down notes. Simon shook his head and left for the bus. Beth stared at the scene in disbelief.

    We thanked all the students for their thoughts and headed to the parking lot.
    â€œStop gloating,” Beth said.
    â€œIsn’t this why you went to the trouble of bringing me back?” I teased. “For my ideas?”
    She hip-checked me into a Jeep. “We’ll get our butts kicked in the press tomorrow.”
    â€œOh, come on.” I pulled her behind a row of cars, out of Simon’s view. “We’re running a campaign that’s honest, respectful, and original. Isn’t that enough?”
    She thought about it for a moment. “Every family with a three-car garage has to let a homeless family live there for free.”
    â€œNow you’re talking.”
    She pulled me close, kissed me, then spun toward the bus.
    I called after her. “Any girl going out with a British subject has to ditch him for the guy she grew up with.”
    She didn’t turn around, but I could tell she