The Ministry of SUITs by Paul Gamble

few examples sprang to mind. “Duck-billed platypus?”
    â€œThat’s one.”
    â€œKangaroo?” Jack suggested.
    â€œClever boy!” exclaimed Grey. “A lot of the strange creatures live in Australia because the Ministry didn’t have an office there until 1973.”
    Trudy cleared her throat. “Perhaps we can get on with the reason we came here?”
    Grey pointed at her. “Good idea. Are you ready, Trudy?”
    Trudy took her blazer off and handed it to Grey. “Ready.”
    â€œWait a minute,” said Jack. “What’s going on?”
    â€œOhh, not much. Trudy’s just going to demonstrate to you what she’s learned since she joined the Ministry.”
    Grey leaned out and pushed the glass door open with the palm of his hand. There was now no longer anything to protect them from the Porcupods.
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    MINISTRY OF S.U.I.T.S HANDBOOK
    KANGAROOS
    R OLE IN D UVET M ANUFACTURE
    Many people have wondered why the Ministry of SUITs has not hidden kangaroos away from people in the same way they did with dinosaurs. The reason for this is simple. Kangaroos need to be allowed to roam free across the outback in order to manufacture duvets.
    Have you ever noticed how over a few days your belly button will build up a small ball of fluff? A kangaroo’s pouch is much larger than a belly button and therefore generates much more fluff than a belly button. Their constant jumping and leaping across the vast desert outback of Australia creates pouch friction and therefore speeds up the fluff-creating process immeasurably.
    This fluff is then harvested and used to stuff duvets.
    Next time you find some belly button fluff, roll it between your two fingers and feel the texture. You will realize that it feels almost identical to a very thin duvet.
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    15
    â€œGO, TRUDY!”
    Â 
    Jack watched as the Porcupods realized the door was open and began to scuttle toward them. Trudy walked inside the room and Grey closed the glass door behind her.
    â€œYou can’t do that!” cried Jack. “They’ll rip her apart.”
    Grey leaned against the wall. “Just watch.”
    There were four Porcupods in the room but their rapid movement made it seem like many more. A Porcupod lunged, snapping at Trudy. But Trudy wasn’t in the space where she had been a few seconds before. She had neatly somersaulted over the Porcupod and landed on one knee behind it.
    Two other Porcupods dashed at Trudy from opposite directions. Their open mouths were filled with rows of tiny, sharp teeth glazed in a bubbling foam of saliva. Trudy’s head rotated from side to side, her eyes seeing both attackers. The Porcupods were almost on top of her as she took off running like a sprinter. She seemed to be moving impossibly fast, almost blurred.
    The Porcupods were shocked by Trudy’s speed and didn’t have time to stop. They smashed into each other head-on, their muzzles making a satisfying crack .
    â€œGo, Trudy!” Jack shouted. Then he noticed Grey was looking at him and shaking his head.
    â€œSorry,” said Jack. “I got slightly overexcited.”
    Trudy sprinted across the room. The Porcupods had recovered from their cranial collision and were scuttling after her.
    Trudy didn’t seem to be slowing as she reached the corner of the room. She was sure to run smack into the wall, and with the two Porcupods behind her, that would be the end of Trudy.
    Jack tensed up his face and got ready for a crunch. The crunch never came. To Jack’s astonishment, when she got to the corner she started running straight up the wall.
    Jack turned to Grey. “That’s impossible.”
    â€œIs it?” asked Grey, laughing. “Well, if it is, we really should tell her so that she can stop doing it.”
    If Jack hadn’t been ready for Trudy running up the wall, the two Porcupods pursuing her certainly weren’t. Unable to stop in time, they clattered